Cascadia Saint Posted 8 April, 2013 Share Posted 8 April, 2013 His arousal doesn't scare me from the other side of the world. And proper literature reviews are of no use to us! Who do you think we are? I'm sorry you didn't get a tingle in your wee wee pipe, you missed out... Bear sycophant, bah. The creature has a promising talent and besides, it was amusing to annoy the wife by destroying the books she was reading. Get well soon lad, that nasal mucus is no joke. Really ransacks your dignity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 10 April, 2013 Share Posted 10 April, 2013 His arousal doesn't scare me from the other side of the world. And proper literature reviews are of no use to us! Who do you think we are? I'm sorry you didn't get a tingle in your wee wee pipe, you missed out... Bear sycophant, bah. The creature has a promising talent and besides, it was amusing to annoy the wife by destroying the books she was reading. Get well soon lad, that nasal mucus is no joke. Really ransacks your dignity. Thanks for the good wishes socal saint. PC certainly does ransack one's dignity. I mean, I've just release several arcs of liquid silk from the fleshy nozzle of my fork, totally involuntarily. And with all that nasal mewkass about, I don't know whether I'm coming or blowing. BTW the bear's aroused state should scare you, even if you live on the other side of the world. I hear his libido torpedo is long-range - if you get my gist. The bear's reviews were a stain on this forum. I found them voyeuristic and unedifying. I only read every single word of them so that I could more accurately judge just how much I disapproved. Just wait for my review of Hilary Mantel's Wolf Hall and Bring up the Bodies in the Arts Forum - when I've got a mo'. That's what this forum should be about; 16th century historical fiction spiced up with the odd cunny, c**t and quim. We don't need a bunch of bear groupies stroking his engorged and elongated ego, while reading over his should as he tries to prise the love-gloyed pages apart. Disgusted from Hampshire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cascadia Saint Posted 11 April, 2013 Share Posted 11 April, 2013 Thanks for the good wishes socal saint. PC certainly does ransack one's dignity. I mean, I've just release several arcs of liquid silk from the fleshy nozzle of my fork, totally involuntarily. And with all that nasal mewkass about, I don't know whether I'm coming or blowing. BTW the bear's aroused state should scare you, even if you live on the other side of the world. I hear his libido torpedo is long-range - if you get my gist. The bear's reviews were a stain on this forum. I found them voyeuristic and unedifying. I only read every single word of them so that I could more accurately judge just how much I disapproved. Just wait for my review of Hilary Mantel's Wolf Hall and Bring up the Bodies in the Arts Forum - when I've got a mo'. That's what this forum should be about; 16th century historical fiction spiced up with the odd cunny, c**t and quim. We don't need a bunch of bear groupies stroking his engorged and elongated ego, while reading over his should as he tries to prise the love-gloyed pages apart. Disgusted from Hampshire Long range libido torpedo you say? Has he finally attached the mushroom heads to the missiles? This is worrying news. If he can somehow combine this with toke-yo's belly cosy rhetoric then I am not safe at all. I shall stop stroking just in case. Just gotta finish printing these pages first. For future generations and whatnot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 11 April, 2013 Share Posted 11 April, 2013 I've got to go now, I'm scared. I think I've just seen two old men give each other verbal hand jobs but I can't be sure. Bear please confirm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cascadia Saint Posted 11 April, 2013 Share Posted 11 April, 2013 Old? Jobs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 11 April, 2013 Share Posted 11 April, 2013 Old? Jobs? Jeez, keep up. I thought it was Dead Jobs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cascadia Saint Posted 11 April, 2013 Share Posted 11 April, 2013 How dare he insinuate I'm old and have a job. And he has to go now? Where's he going to go? Given that he has promised nuclear Armageddon to most of the other boards... The motoring forum? I'm sure he could liven up the loose wiper arm thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 11 April, 2013 Share Posted 11 April, 2013 Sorry socal, I am ill at the moment so even grumpier than usual. Let's face it though, no one under the age of 45 lives in Portland Origan. Bletch is definitely old - he's my dad FFS. Bear will have to confirm about the hand jobs. If you want to know if your car is OK - ask a mechanic. If you want to know about old men getting hands jobs - ask a rent boy (rent bear). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cascadia Saint Posted 11 April, 2013 Share Posted 11 April, 2013 Sorry socal, I am ill at the moment so even grumpier than usual. Let's face it though, no one under the age of 45 lives in Portland Origan. Bletch is definitely old - he's my dad FFS. Bear will have to confirm about the hand jobs. If you want to know if your car is OK - ask a mechanic. If you want to know about old men getting hands jobs - ask a rent boy (rent bear). There can be no apologies in the muppet show, there are too many levels of sarcasm, cynicism and confusion to confirm a genuine one so don't worry about it. As far as portland, oregun goes, it's more like nobody under 45 works in portland,oregun. Besides opening a micro brewery on the back of a double decker bike, or printing handmade beer bottle labels for the owners of the aforementioned mobile breweries, or running the social media empire of the creators of the aforementioned beer bottle label printers from an iPhone in the window of a local, sustainable, organic, non-Starbucks coffee emporium ---- nobody works here. It's where the young come to retire. It's nickname is beervana, I hope it's not bearvana, I want to keep an ocean between me and the rent bear, despite whatever literary fanaticism I have been experiencing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 11 April, 2013 Share Posted 11 April, 2013 Is it a real place then Socal? I thought it was just a made up place like Narnia, Atlantis or Leatherhead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cascadia Saint Posted 11 April, 2013 Share Posted 11 April, 2013 It feels real, but who really knows... Another beer I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZepSaint Posted 20 June, 2013 Share Posted 20 June, 2013 Bearsy ...............you ever been to a cinema ? Looks like you need to get your reviewing kinky boots back on .................... http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-22984064 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 20 June, 2013 Author Share Posted 20 June, 2013 sweet! I will review the shit out of this movie! The casting is key tho! They will be tempted to get someone cool like Mila Kunis or someone Good Actress like Judi Dench but these would be mistakes! virgin needs to be physical and intellectual capacity of blow up doll. My pick is Helen Flanagans! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZepSaint Posted 20 June, 2013 Share Posted 20 June, 2013 sweet! I will review the shit out of this movie! The casting is key tho! My dick is Helen Flanagans! Have corrected it for you ...................:-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deano6 Posted 24 June, 2013 Share Posted 24 June, 2013 So last night I took my lovely girlfriend to see this... http://www.broadway.com/shows/cuff-me-fifty-shades-grey-musical-parody/story/ Neither of us had read the book, but we had both loved your book reviews so were excited to see how close to your source material they kept it. You'll be pleased to hear they must be avid readers of this blog, as it stuck almost uncannily faithfully to your narrative. They even gave up a couple of chapters into the second book, saying "who really cares?" before wrapping it up. Some additional angles they took: - Christian Grey being blatantly homosexual. Not the biggest leap I guess. - Plenty of mentions of how terrible the writing is and how forced the metaphors are (they quoted something about a red room which was red like the red bits of a candy cane, but not the white bits, which apparently was straight from the book) - Katherine "Kate" Kavanagh being an overweight biffa girl who was eating all the time, yet kept dropping lines such as "you can borrow my top...but don't stretch it out", a line which I think was from the original but an amusing departure - Jose wasn't really in it other than one brief mention, though they did introduce a new character "Willy Blowman" who was Anastasia's lawyer who reviews the sex contract and then does a number about how he'd love to be done by Christian Grey. He did admit that he wasn't actually in the book though. - We were looking for a baseball bat on the wall of sex toys, but didn't see one - a considerable oversight on their side. They did however have a ceramic pink flamingo which at one point went up someone's rectum - was that in the book? - At the end Anastastia was in a white wedding dress and with a baby bump, though they didn't comment on it, so I guess she gets preggers and they get married at the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 24 June, 2013 Author Share Posted 24 June, 2013 i reckon they owe me royalites yo! i dunno bout making the characters gay, i spose it was just too hard to find a male lead on broadway who could play straight. I don't remember bout there being flamingos up bumholes either - it may of been in the subtexts tho! On front page of sun today they is doing bout which actress you want to play the virgin. I voted for the one from Mama Mia yo! She gives me boner! http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/4981230/Wholl-be-Ana-in-Fifty-Shades-of-Grey-movie.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonnyboy Posted 24 June, 2013 Share Posted 24 June, 2013 Emma Watson or Sacha Grey please! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 25 June, 2013 Author Share Posted 25 June, 2013 I think they're both too small-boobs JB. They won't be able to convincingly act out the critical scenes where he's washing her boobs in the bath or she's giving out tit vvanks etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZepSaint Posted 25 June, 2013 Share Posted 25 June, 2013 Can you suggest anyone Bearsy ............are Paps' paps big enough ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonnyboy Posted 25 June, 2013 Share Posted 25 June, 2013 I think they're both too small-boobs JB. They won't be able to convincingly act out the critical scenes where he's washing her boobs in the bath or she's giving out tit vvanks etc. Maybe as part of the movie they could get ridiculous boobs jobs like lolo ferrari? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deano6 Posted 26 June, 2013 Share Posted 26 June, 2013 A gift to Bearsy from the people (me). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 26 June, 2013 Share Posted 26 June, 2013 That's mental ^ Good but mental. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazlo78 Posted 26 June, 2013 Share Posted 26 June, 2013 A gift to Bearsy from the people (me). Excellent - now I'm reading the whole thing once more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 26 June, 2013 Author Share Posted 26 June, 2013 lols really appreciate the trouble you've gone to there deano! Makes me wish I'd made more effort with spellings + grammars + what-not! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazlo78 Posted 26 June, 2013 Share Posted 26 June, 2013 I met up with Dr. Brian Earsy to chat about his book and I managed to take a snapshot of him and his wife for the inner sleeve of the hardcover edition: B. Earsy & wife Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deano6 Posted 26 June, 2013 Share Posted 26 June, 2013 I met up with Dr. Brian Earsy to chat about his book and I managed to take a snapshot of him and his wife for the inner sleeve of the hardcover edition: B. Earsy & wife Is he reading the complete anthology of North & South America? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazlo78 Posted 26 June, 2013 Share Posted 26 June, 2013 Is he reading the complete anthology of North & South America? He is in the process of writing the book. The front cover shows a half Windsor... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deano6 Posted 27 June, 2013 Share Posted 27 June, 2013 I had him down as more of a four-in-hand kind of guy, myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sussexsaint Posted 27 June, 2013 Share Posted 27 June, 2013 Excellent - now I'm reading the whole thing once more Me too, quite quite brilliant. The bit with the silver balls always makes me lols Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 27 June, 2013 Author Share Posted 27 June, 2013 I actually had a read myself! I felt a bit dirty, like masturbating, and some of the dumb things I wrote was a bit cringe, but there was some good stuff in there too! I made myself lol by describing rape as "one of those things in society that is technically not illegal, but frowned upon, like wiping ur nose on a train seat." Nawty bears yo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cascadia Saint Posted 2 July, 2013 Share Posted 2 July, 2013 A gift to Bearsy from the people (me). It looks so officials! You know how 50 shades of grey started off fan fiction for twilights and then 'author' removed vampires and made **** ton of cash with own story? Someone's a few good tweaks away from fortunes here. (Usual story for some I know...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deano6 Posted 3 July, 2013 Share Posted 3 July, 2013 Think it just needs the air of publicity, myself. Get it trending! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beckenham Saint Posted 24 July, 2014 Share Posted 24 July, 2014 Bearsy there's a film of this coming out! Is there any chance of you investigating the trailer for a preview / review? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 24 July, 2014 Author Share Posted 24 July, 2014 yeah i mean i will deffo review the movie when it comes out, i'm thinking at the very least it can't be any worse than the books! I'm gathering from the trailer that they're playing it for laughs so that is Good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deano6 Posted 27 February, 2015 Share Posted 27 February, 2015 Bearso - you're well overdue for your movie review, please and thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 27 February, 2015 Share Posted 27 February, 2015 Yeah bear, go and sit in the cinema for 2 hours watching mills and boom the movie then write it up. Dance monkey dance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Window Cleaner Posted 27 February, 2015 Share Posted 27 February, 2015 Yeah bear, go and sit in the cinema for 2 hours watching mills and boom the movie then write it up. Dance monkey dance. Well apparently Anastasia's Mum was not overimpressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerx16 Posted 27 February, 2015 Share Posted 27 February, 2015 Come on Bear, can you do better than this ? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqvCXqEFEjA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stockportsaint Posted 8 March, 2015 Share Posted 8 March, 2015 Never mind Shades of Grey, try Shades of Gray. Some quality reviews on Amazon for this old book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Shades-Gray-Andy/dp/0356122220 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 8 March, 2015 Author Share Posted 8 March, 2015 Come on Bear, can you do better than this ? I might bunk off work and go watch one day next week. I have been waiting for Crowds to Die Down in case I need to Masturbate in Cinema Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 8 March, 2015 Author Share Posted 8 March, 2015 Never mind Shades of Grey, try Shades of Gray. Some quality reviews on Amazon for this old book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Shades-Gray-Andy/dp/0356122220 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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