CB Fry

With Nicky Maynard off to Cardiff already. Who remembers the good old days when he was the superstar player we simply must sign?

Surely the bloke doing the printing would know for sure? He's all over it I hear.

The fact you think we are "humilating ourselves" and a "laughing stock" suggests you have no grasp of reality whatsoever. So I think it's you that needs to "get real".

This is clearly not a problem. And Walcott not going to us, or Fulham or Sunderland anytime soon. I'm delighted we're not signing Berbatov.

Maybe just stick to the standard continents then? So just one needed from North America to complete the set. I await my infraction. Has he signed yet? Any news?

So if you're counting Central America as a sub continent rather than part of North America then surely we need to buy someone from India/Pakistan to "complete the set" too? I am also assuming there are other subcontinents we need to sign players from to "complete the set". Please advise, preferably before I get infracted and this post gets moved to the muppet show.

Remember, these are Cortese's plans, not yours, so you could turn down your mouthwatering relish over the fact a true club legend may be about to be sold. Our plans don't involve sentiment but you seem to go weak at the knees thinking about the strong and tough decisions Nicola might be about to make. Sounds a bit sentimental to me.

What's Italian for Klingons? Or "Northern European Yobbos"?

Many things may happen but the chances of Ramirez staying at Bologna is one of the least likely. He's going somewhere.

Locked. Anyone planning on suggesting Beattie for the seventeenth concecutive transfer window?

"Suggested" as in what - just someone speculating about the kind of player we need, or any kind of link or rumour? It doesn't sound like the type of player we would look at. Not youngry enough.

Barry Horne -£8.5m of anyone's money.

Alpinio Santo? Sainta Richmondietta?

This is all very odd. We're not going to sell Rickie Lambert are we. I think this is just bullsh i t PR from Blackburn's mental owners.

There's golddust from Alpine and Richmond on this thread.

Yes but remember this kid is going to cost ten times more than Skacel did. I think we are expecting more than just being better than Rudi Skacel. The risk of Skacel level dissaspointment is very much there because the expectation will be miles higher. But lets sign him first.

Why on earth would journalists be bothering to conjure names out of nowhere? We are talking about Southampton possibly signing a centre back or a left back. No journalist breathing air is that desperate for copy. What a world you live in.

It will drag on but I still think we're the only game in town at the moment. I don't think any other club want to spend as much as we do on this kid. And he seems to be happy to come to us too so it doesn't feel like the player is angling for a move somewhere else. Just a protracted negotiation with the selling club. Which we can sort out. I'm 90% confident.

Ten appearances for Ajax. Five million quid. Jees. We are definitely Premier League.

That's what the bloke who does the shirt printing in the shop told me too.

Too namby-pamby tippy tappy for me. We need someone who can put their foot through it.

Does sound amazing, although I still feel deep down we need a dog of war centre back to bring some steel and experience to the team. Maybe I'm just old school.

On now. All together now.

Get Channel Five on everyone. Beauty and The Beast is on. Our Gaston song will be on shortly. Start learning the tune. We'll take the roof off.

Convinced we will not sign a goalie. Convinced we will sign Ramirez. And we'll scrape in a centre back no one has ever heard of making the Cult of Cortese rejoice in "we do our business in private" orgasms. And we'll sign some teenage full back from Exeter or MK Dons or something. As long as the centre back we sign is excellent - Svensson standard - we'll be fine to stay up with these signings.