DT

I think this is how the game will go: We'll start brightly, with some nice passing play, but not particularly direct. Nevertheless, we will make some chances, which we won't take. The crowd will get anxious. They'll have one chance all game, but will take it. And yes, it will be their big lunk up the front. With a header. We'll go in at half-time 1-0 down, get a panicky rollicking from MP, who'll bring on JayRod, who'll run around like a headless chicken. We'll then pop it around the middle a bit more, and no-one will notice we won't have had a shot. Osvaldo will get all bad tempered about playing for a side beneath him and he will lash out. He will be sent off. The TV pundits will be going on about West Ham's good start, and how our has had early promise, but that maybe Rickie's head has been turned. Or: We'll hammer them. Hope it's the second bit.

Our new formation is 4-1-1-1-1-2 Who needs width?

Sadly I was in a Starbucks so followed it all on my smartphone.

Our squad will have difficulty converting possession into goals. And how Fox is still with us is beyond me. Lovren, Wanyama, Osvaldo all excellent additions, nonetheless. But a 'spark' is still missing.

Liverpool away isn't looking much fun Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

And he's rubbish... Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

If we lose Cork too I think it's only an Ok window for us. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

MP obviously doesn't like players who actually run at defenders. Mistake. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

Noted! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

Think Fulham were interested Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

Confirmed to Liverpool. My bets are all off. Last time I listen to you lot! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

If we sell Jack Cork it is utter madness Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

Lineker is on £2m a year Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

Was just about to post similar. Makes me so angry hearing Spurs fans (who have nicked our song as well, the unimaginative idiots), claiming that Bale was a 'one-club man', and papers glossing over his time with us. Oh well, good luck to him. Right move, at the right time.

I think we should go and get Puncheon. Just what we need.

The return of Le God? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

Please come, Victor. You can have some of my winnings.

If he joins I hope it's not a softener for Shaw going

Thanks, they look nice, but I bet they go off after about an hour... Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

I want a Gaston watch

I've got eggs older than him

Well done, the reserves...

They're down to the bare bones, for sure.

Goal was long range effort, not closed down, apparently. Great

Would have been incredibly cruel if he hadn't been in squad