Hatch

as much as he bleats on and on about Chelsea, I reckon he is absolutely dying to be the next Manchester United manager.

The answer to the OP is Ormerod.

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, therewas definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'Oral sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.' The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried. The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'

sporting genius, 2 nine dart finishes tonight!

I sacked my window cleaner last week. The wife can do it now.

Mexicans didn't join in the mexican wave.

ipswich maybe

I did my telegraph team today. The Metro is doing a free one , so will probably do that as well.

anyone going out for the World Cup. I've got tickets for the last 16 game in Cape Town, between the winners of group H ( probably Spain ) v runner up group G ( brazil/portugal/ivory coast)

There might be a millenium bug type thing and everyone logged on at that time will get electricuted.

its not changed for 20 mins. I suspect foul play!

million views coming up within 15 mins I reckon

Crouchies last minute penalty against the Skates. Although, smashing my shin against the seat in front might have contributed as well.

Did I hear that BBC are showing all the games in free to view HD or did I imagine that?

Ow. and he walked off!

Victor Boskovic you heard it hear first.

maybe they are waiting to see what league we are in?

Hollyoaks.

plus shutting schools for a week when half a dozen snow flakes land in the school playground.

That arse needs filling

School policies for taking your child out of school during term time, and where they can stick their unauthorised absence notifications.

Women who say no, but mean yes. Then complain to the police afterwards.

People who still think having a mobile phone is some sort of status symbol.

- anyone who works in media - moaning about getting a parking ticket - having £500m of art and not having anyone to buy it off me