Bearsy

Ok I'm sold!

on MOTD2 they do that thing where they put twitter comments up on screen and it said "Good shot to whoever threw that coin! Just wish it had been pound coin rather than 2p" I was surprised bout the bbc sharing that! Lols tho.

Oh hi Itchen! You having any luck down the Union? I've been thinking bout your problem bout how to pull b!tches when it's too noisy to charm them with your latent wit and charisma, and I'm thinking you might try being devilishly handsome. It's always worked a treat for me! Seriously hooking up with drunk students at clubs ain't difficult, long as you don't mind getting blown out a few times. Just hit on every girl till one clicks! Don't ignore the ugly ones, they might be your level. What you do is go up and start talking on them, talk bout whatever you want, it don't matter, b!tch isn't really listening. The key thing is not to leave room for her to start talking too much cos pretty soon she'll be monopolising the conversation and you'll be like one of her girlfriends. You can tell almost immediately if b!tch is interested, if you're honest with yourself. It's in her eyes or whatever. If you ain't feeling it bail immediately and move onto the next one. Remember to laugh at the rejections! The whole thing is ridiculous if you think bout it, it's all like a big confidence trick. Free advice homes! I feel like I'm being a bit patronising tho. For all I know you're modern day cassanovas!

I always wondered if they done something special in olden days when the date was 11/11/1111 That must have been a cool date! I bet at 11:11 on 11/11/1111 they all just stood about looking at their wrist watches or sundials or whatever.

I know right! I was like who you calling? Is that fvvcking Australia!

I didn't say it was on radio homes. He just done it for lols.

On Chris Moyles this morning he phoned them up pretending to be the Queen and Prince Phillip and they was all squirming and apologising and then he was like... Gotcha!

I know I'm sposed to be looking for makes of car, but all i can find is CUM, TITS, PUSSY etc.

Yeah she needs to cash in quick. Perhaps some nice tasteful shots of her dressed up as the queen, except with nawks out.

I kind of want to see the dogs eating at dinner tables now. Was they using knives and forks?

Cutting to the crux of the issue innit. Just like paxman.

Who's that albino muther f*cker smirking or whoever was talking bout yesterday? I had to look him up, he looked like the blonde caddie from Happy Gilmore. We should get him.

Are we talking original line-up, or the revised line up after Big God went mental and had them publicly executed?

There's a thing bout it in the Sun today, and it turns out the woman dj has nice big tits.

Dunno if i could narrow it down like that tokyos. Is it cool if I just name my top 3?

Obviously wants his new contract, proper licking Cortese's arse in the old current bun this morning! "Listen bruv, Mr. Cortese is the most honourable man in football. His word is his bond, bruv. When Mr. Cortese says you'll be prem in 5 years, you'll be prem in 5 years. In fact, cos Mr. Cortese is so awesome you'll be prem in 3! Also, he's a lot taller than you'd think, bruv. I'd say he's definitely at least average height. Maybe a bit more than average!"

Dildo spoon, ideal for post coital snacks.

Book 2: 50 Shades Darker - Chapter 5 In all my 21 years I've never been to a police station before. It ain't what I expected, it's quite small inside and they have all the stolen goods on display with the value next to them like they're boasting bout what good coppers they are. "Can I help you?" says the dude by the counter. "I'd like to report... a murder!" I say all dramatically like they do on tv. Dude looks at me. "I think you want next door. This is a jewellers." Oh. That makes more sense! So I try next door. "Oi, are you a copper?" He looks at me sniffilly. "We prefer police officer." "Whatever. I want to report... a murder!" They make me go sit in an interrogation room. This is a lot better. It's just like TV. The table and chairs are bolted down and it's got one of those mirrors on the wall which is really a window. I imagine there is a load of coppers behind it, chain smoking while they scrutinise my body languages. Probably they're also perving on my boobs and trying to look up my skirt, dirty bastards. Door opens and a police dude comes in. He's one of the sexy looking ones like from movies. You can tell just by looking at him that he is Loose Cannon and Bends The Rules to get the Job Done. "You have information about a homicide?" he says. Homicide! Lols. "Yes." There's an awkward silence. "And?" he says. "It's Christian Grey... he's been murdered!" Dude makes a note of this. "Christian Gay," he says. "Grey! He's a mega-industrialist tycoon, and the enigmatic entrepeneur and major benefactor of Grey Enterprise Holdings Inc." "What is your relationship to the deceased?" Ooh awkward question. I lean forward a bit, and kind of whisper. "He wants to put it in my bum." Dude looks at the mirror and raises his eyebrows. "And you believe he's been murdered?" "Oh yes." "And you know who committed the crime?" "Oh yes." "Who?" "Erm." This is a bit awkward. My subconscious is stood right there looking at me frostily. She didn't want to come to the police at all. "What will happen to the person that done it?" "It depends on the circumstances. They'll go to jail, or possibly face the death penalty." My subconscious blanches. I've got no sympathy. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime! "Look," says the copper. "We get a lot of time wasters in here, if you have any information give it to me now. Who are we talking about?" "It's a friend of mine," I say in a small voice. "Name?" "Subconscious." "Excuse me?" "That's her name. At least that's what I always call her." "Sub Conscious," he says slowly. "Are you going to strip search me now?" "What? Why?" I lean forward, jut out my boobs. "You know, for evidence," I say huskily. Dude takes a half step backwards, but before he can say anything there's a kind of banging noise from behind the mirror. "Excuse me," he says and pops out the room. He's gone a few minutes. I can hear raised voices arguing next door. When he comes back he seems a bit put-out. I imagine he's just had his balls busted by his Stupid Chief. "Ok," he says unenthusiastically. "Take off your clothes." Oh no. I was afraid of this. Still you have to what the police say, so I stand up and start undressing. "Face towards the mirror please," says the police officer mechanically. I take off my shirt and my bra and my skirt and my pants. I walk over to the mirror and spread-eagle myself against it. The glass feels pleasingly cool on my nips. "Ok," I say resignedly. "Ok what?" "You can do the cavity search now." "Nah... you're alright. We've got everything we need." "Are you sure? There might be evidences in my bumhole." "That's fine. Honestly. You're free to leave, we'll be in touch if there's any news," he says, and kind of runs out the room. I hear muffled laughing from the other side of the glass. I put my eye against it but I can't see nothing. Mysterious!

I dunno what Windows is on about but I've been thinking and they probably changed it to avoid giving Tom Cruise all his royalties. It's a shame tho, they should have left it as it was. On the plus side tho they did get rid of the annoying sub plot where he is single dad chasing round after his dumb kids. I think taking classic Tom Cruise movies and making them in to musicals is good idea tho. They should do Top Gun next.

Bearsy's Cultural Review So friend of mine is working on this stage show and she's made some of come have a watch on it last night in Birminghams. It's called War Of WORLDS. You might be familiar with the movie by Tom Cruises, this is sort of the same but they've changed it a bit so it's not in New York, it's in Surrey and it's not in modern days, it's in olden days. I don't think these is improvements, I dunno why they changed it. If my mate hadn't already warned me it was pretty gay show I would have realised when I got there and find it stars not only Jason Donovan, but also Martin Pillow from WetX3 and that utter cvnt bumface from Kaiser Chiefs. This is unholy tri-umviate! Fortunately we is already hammered and my mate has got pills to take the old edge off if things get too gay. They do get gay pretty much immediately. I ain't been to many stage shows but I always imagined that most of the stuff happens on the stage. Not in War of WORLDS! In War of WORLDS the whole stage is full up with orchestras and this guy called Jeff Something who is doing conducting and is apparently Famous. He got big clap when he come in. Anyway what you get to do when you go watch War of WORLDS is watch a video while the orchestras is playing their orchestrations. It's a pretty cheesy video, low quality CGI like one of the story bits from Halo and it's bout the Marvins of Mars wanting to come to earth cos they've run out of whatevers. These videos go the whole time. Occasionally Martin Pillow or whoever comes on to sing along a bit, but other than that you're just watching videos. I ain't to happy bout this. I could of watched videos at home. So the story is that the Marvins come to olden days Surrey and start blowing stuff up. We learn that it's year 1808, my mate says that's wrong cos they never had trains or steam engines in 1808, but I tell him shut up no-one cares bout that. Then the only good bit of the show happens, they lower down big robot thing from the roof. It's a bit crap looking, but much more interesting to look at than videos. Then it shoots Fire out it's cock and nearly catches Jeff Something on Fire! Which is lols. Then utter cvnt Bumface from Kaiser Chiefs comes on and embarrasses himself with some of the worst acting I've seen in years. It's like Pantomine acting. In fact, it ain't even as good as Pantomine acting. Then some other stuff happens that I didn't really understand bout a vicar and his wife, and some other stuff, then it ends. It ends with all the Marvins dieing of aids. Turns out they don't have aids on Mars so they never knew not to have bum sex with monkeys. If this is sort of show you think you like, you may be able to see it soon, my mate is travelling all over with it. If you mention my name, she'll nosh you off. Best regards, Dr. Brian Earsy Edit: Some of the songs is quite catchy.

Cheers. They don't have sea in Birmingham so I went down sports centre poo'ed in swimming pool. Feel bit better now. Still a bit sensitive tho. I'm sposed to be at German Christmas Market getting hammered but I can't face it. If anyone asks, you ain't seen me.

Ugh I'm hanging bad. Best hangover cures. Stat. I'm sposed to be going out again in an hour.