Bearsy

I love the internets! Like yesterday I was sort of half watching the Mentalist and I noticed that chick who plays Lisbon is smoking hot! So I went on IMDB and found out her name was Robin Tunney and then I googled her and within seconds had access to a video of her getting boned with her jugs out! [Partridge=On] Classic masturbation! [Partridge=Off] What did dudes used to do before Internets? Use their imagination or something???

Rule 1 dude.

I feel bad for all the people dying to start cooking threads but at the moment they can't because their isn't an appropriate sub-forum. Obviously I suppose they could put it in the lounge but then they wouldn't get responses from people who are only interested in cooking as they wouldn't ever go in the lounge and as things stand there is no clearly marked place to go to find threads by people with a common love of cooking. I am definitely in favour of this all though I am not muich interested in cooking per se the constant cooking threads being started in the motoring sub-forum and other places they shouldn't be are extremely annoying!

I found a Jim Davidson LP in my dad's old record collection so I had a listen to see how reprehensible it is. To be honest it was pretty bad but you can't help laughing at how out of order he is. Like it's a live show and when he starts on with the chalky stuff he goes hold on a second have we got any in? And when he can't get the house lights turned up he invites them to smile. Nasty stuff really but every one there was laughing like drains. I don't know they were racists though I think by and large the joke was on Jim. Obviously I've reported my dad to the police now!

20th February is my birthday! True story. Could be a good one this year!

Just got in and saw this on tv! Did anyone else notice Evra put a little bit of poo on his hand before he held it out? I bet that's why Suarez wouldn't shake!!!! Probably that's why Rio was so dissappointed too because he loves a good merk!!!

Feeling good about this one! When were we last at 'full strength'?

It's harsh to call Harry the start of the five year downward spiral, we were always going down that season and only a heavy investment in the playing squad would have saved us. What I remember or at least it was my impression at the time was that we looked a better side after Harry joined, but the players weren't quite good enough to escape the drop. He hung about a bit after that but his job was pretty untenable with the Woodward & Clifton situations and I didn't even blame him for doing one when he did, except maybe that he didn't take Quashie with him and had already blown our entire £90k transfer budget on just one player!!!

My God you lot are bitter! Harry's done a great job at Spurs, he did a great job at Portsmouth! He'll do a good job with England too if they give him it, I bet they'll play a lot better under Harry than they did in the last WC.

I would do them from behind.

Oh yeah they take off their shirts and they're top lads but when I took off my trousers and underpants I got treated like some kind of freak! Go figure!

Does the verdict mean the payments were not subject to tax or is Harry innocent of intentionally tax-dogging?

Bald Brummies!

I can do both! In fact it kind of helps!

I've had FM2012 on my iPhone for a while but I just can't get on with it. For starters I think they've got us and Poopey confused when it comes to cash flow because when you start the game you're already 100K pw over the wages budget and have only got like £300K cash! Ok maybe a bit better than Poopey but still where's all the Chamberlain moolah? And then it's just too difficult to do well! In FM2011 on the iPhone there was one formation that I could win every game really easily. That's what I want! I don't want to keep losing games and ending up mid-table in a boring realistic fashion. Where's the fun in that? I suppose it's probably realistic but I enjoy it far more when I win every game like 10-0. I've tried everything, even going to the trouble of actually picking my own team rather than letting the assistant manager do it which takes ages but I'm still not doing that well. Anyone got any tips? I'm looking for a formation which lets me win every game 10-0 no matter how sh!t my players are! Someone said playing a 5-1-1-3 formation worked well but it's not happening for me!

You?

im,hhdVING one nnow

That article is so badly written. It hurts my brain to try and read it. You could make every sentence a paragraph. But I wouldn't recommend it.

That's a good suggestion Pap! I used to have a cat that was addicted to earwax. Sometimes I'd be having really erotic dreams and wake up with a massive erection to find Toby rooting around in my earhole. He's dead though now unfortunately. You could see how it could work, cat's lick their own bumholes anyway so they're obviously not that adverse and if I were to stuff a couple of bits of chicken up there and got hold of a really hungry cat probably I could just lie back and let nature take it's course. What could be more natural? Can anyone lend me a cat?

I think we need to go back to the original plan of finding household products I can put up my bumhole to alleviate the itching. Things I've tried so far: Sudocrem (as suggested by someone on here) - This felt quite nice when I was putting it on but I was pretty soon itching again. Bonjela - I thought this was a genius idea! because it has numbing and minty cooling properties. It stung a bit when I put it on my bumhole but after a couple of minutes I couldn't feel anything down there! Brilliant I thought problem solved! But then after like an hour it went all sticky and gross and aggravated my bumhole so bad that I was forced to sandpaper it off with wads of kitchen roll until I was drawing blood. Not doing that again! My Girlfriends Face Moisturiser - This didn't help the itching at all, but it does smell nice. I didn't tell her but I think maybe she found out and that must be why she dumped me! Things I'm thinking of trying but haven't yet: Paracetamol Vaseline Deep Heat Has anyone got any other suggestions???

Also in unrelated news my girlfriend dumped me this morning.

Hi Guys! Sorry to go dark on this subject I know you're all very interested! Probably you were worried that I'd since died of bum cancer but I'm still here and still itching unfortunately. I felt I'd gone as far as I could on my own and did need someone to have a proper look. I decided against the doctor because (a) I'm not registered with a doctor (b) I don't want to go to the doctors in case I catch something and © most doctors are perverts who take the job just so they can feel up peoples bumholes and I don't really want to give them the satisfaction. So anyway last Friday night I tried to bring it up casually with my mates, just subtly into the converstion trying to get on the subject of bumholes but to be honest they went a bit weird and kept trying to change the subject. It's almost as if they don't want to see my bumhole! I took the hint after a while though, and they I got thinking it'd be better if a girl did it - they probably see more male bumholes than men do anyway and also girls are more sympathetic and nursey. I've been seeing this one girl but it's only been a few weeks and I'm still trying to keep things romantic so I thought asking her to root around in my bumhole might not be the best idea, so Saturday night I went out to see if I could hook up with some other sort. I wasn't having much luck at first but I think I was setting my sights to high - I was really looking for someone who happened to be a proctologist but to be honest they seemed pretty scarce in the club for some reason. I would have also accepted a dental nurse as that's basically the other end of the same thing but I couldn't get one of those either. Then we saw this one girl who has a bit of a filthy reputation so I bought her a drink and that and ended up taking her home. Possibly I should have told her in advance what she was there for, she seemed to want to make out or something! It was a bit awkward to be honest. Anyways I got her sat down in front of the TV. I couldn't really bring myself to ask her outright to look at my bumhole - I am a gentleman! - so I thought the best plan was if she could just casually see it and then I could see if she makes some sort of comment. So I went into my room and removed my trousers and underpants. Then I went back in and pretended their was something wrong with the sky box so I had to bend over in front of her to sort it out. This I did and waited anxiously for her appraisal - would it be bum cancer? would it be worms? Anyway I let a few minutes go by so she could consider her diagnosis but then she said in a small voice "What are you doing?" I'd of thought it was ****ing obvious I was working on the Sky Box! Anyway I said oh sorry you didn't see my bumhole did you? But she just sort of went weird and quiet and when I went back into my room to put my trousers and underpants back on I heard the door go and she'd gone! I'm really worried now - she must have seen something terrible up there!

I like the one where he tries to pull his shirt up over his head before realising his chin is too big!

Someone at work said worms! What I did was take off my trousers and pants and lay on my back and with a mirror I looked at my bumhole to see if there were any worms wriggling about, but there weren't any at all! The whole mouth of my bumhole looked clean and tidy just very red from all the scratching - it looked like my bumhole was wearing lipstick! (I waited till I got home from work before doing this btw.)