Upwind

Clump....

Try with Greek Yoghurt, fruit and nuts....

She'll have a fanny like a pulled out fireplace............. not that Rupert will need access

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he was reading her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek then his again. Finally, she spoke up. Granddad, did God make you Yes sweetheart, he answered, God made me a long time ago. Oh, she paused. Granddad, did God make me too? Yes indeed sweetheart, he said. God made you a little while ago. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed. God’s getting better at it isn’t he.

Just got myself an Oscar Pistorius Advent Calendar that Smirnoff have just brought out... There's a shot behind every door

Why? the RAF have been doing that for years.... The Nimrod R1 was (somehow) kept in the sky for 40 years, the Hunter and Jet Provost for a similar time, and the Hawk is still going at just under 40 years

Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment overnight. It's an absolute mystery as to why though. The plot thickens...

Got my plum rum on the go at the moment...

Just sharing this info - for balance. I was going for a Howden's kitchen - but the 70-80% promised by my builder turned out to be nearer 30% and would have been paying about £10.5k including fitting. I decided to have a look elsewhere to compare and my old man suggested I check which? The kitchen supplier with the highest rating for appliances/fitting etc was......................... Ikea. Yep, I thought 'Ikea' also.... So anyway, I decided to go down with our girl and have a look and price up a fitting - just for interest and comparison. Anyway, long story short. Ikea offered me the identical style of kitchen, with 2 additional integrated appliances (btw all appliances come with a 5 year warranty) for just under £8k. This includes fitting also - by an independant company - and this also comes with a long warantee on parts and fitting - think it was 10 years. Anyway, we have just arranged ours and fitting is in 4 weeks time. If we decide that we don't want or need anything during the fitting process - such as additional shelves etc, these can be taken back for a refund. Payment is on a two year (interest free) plan to spread the costs.

Punchline................. you forgot a punchline...

Ok - seen this on another site and seemed to be a bit of fun/ banter. Ask a question, next person answers then posts another question.......... and repeat So, I'll start with........ Favourite beer

I remember the time when my brother got sent to jail............ He flipped completely and smeared his own sh*t all over the walls. ...We never played Monopoly again.

remember the time when my brother got sent to jail............ He flipped completely and smeared his own sh*t all over the walls. ...We never played Monopoly again.

Following the recent Euro debt crisis, the European commision have announced that the next batch of Euro notes are going to be printed on Greece-proof paper...

I'm going to St Ives in September. hope this helps...

Ben E King dies last week BB King today Billie Jean must be ****tting herself.

Very young and also a clam jouster - she could do well..... Or we could have the Boris show for entertainment value

A few early (and predictable) ones......... Keith Harris is dead - apparently Orville is speeachless... The news gets worse... I'm hearing that Orville has been found dead now....... police think that Keith harris may have a hand in it.. Keith Harris must be one of the few guys from the 80's who had his hand up a bird and didn't get jailed for it.

Mirrors on the ceiling, The pink champagne on ice

However, Paula will always be remembered for taking a dump on route around the London Marathon and for failing to win an Olympic medal in four attempts...... Fair play though - the girl can run

Begging? .............. you'll need a scruffy dog mind

I was alone on a late train last night when a gorgeous cute girl got on and sat directly across from me. I couldn't help but notice her skirt had ridden up revealing her panties to me. She showed no interest in hiding her charms, her face was expressionless and she exuded an aloof sexuality I could not resist. I dropped to my knees, gradually moving forward with the sole intention of placing my nose and tongue between her parted thighs. As I got closer and could hear the panting get louder. I thought to myself.... "I really wish her guide dog would f*ck off!'

A marriage guidance counsellor asked my wife and I to describe our sex life with a film title "Gone in sixty seconds, " said my wife sarcastically "Enter the dragon, " I replied

The inventor of speed boats has died The funeral is tomorrow ......followed by the wake

Back to poor jokes.... Knock knock....... Who's there....... Pilot.....