Lighthouse

I've always wanted to look like a puddle on a petrol station forecourt.

Why the emoji, were you hoping he’d be sh*t?

Don’t forget the bloke who kept pestering him with DMs on Instagram and got a couple of vague emojis in response. Fonte is the past, the best part of a decade since his prime, the only reason someone brought this up is desperation. The club are currently promoting an evening with Marian Pahars, we might as well get him back too, the way we’re playing.

Definitely a red ball batter light, the retained list could be interesting. Personally I’d have question marks next to Crane, Organ, Whiteley, Brown, Wheal and, given Turner’s emergence, possibly Wood.

In more iumportant news, I think we've found another fitty, and I'm not talking about Nathan Redmond on the right. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-66923824

I’ve just checked and you’re right, five in a row. The last one being that trip to Bramall Lane in the Cup. Despite several injuries to key players, including Tadic, Mané was an unused sub.

I seem to remember Everton at home under Koeman, when we had a bunch of injuries just before X-mas. Reed started and we ended up winning 3-0.

That depends how she earned the title 'head girl'.

And yet he managed to go to the Etihad with a team featuring AA, Moi, Bednarek, McCarthy and Redmond and come away with a point. I’ll worry about our managers reaction to beating Liverpool next time it happens.

Really needs to start diving later, so he doesn't get a hand to shots, as that seems to be the main criticism of him at the moment. If he starts throwing himself to the floor, slightly too late, hopefully he can get into the team of the season, like Kelvin did.

He was given a contract because he was decent for Stoke last season. Nobody 'needs to be shown there's a pathway', if they're good enough to make the first team squad they will. We bring in players from other academies because they're far superior to anything we've produced ourselves, since probably Calum Chambers.

We didn't though. They came down having been narrowly relegated, scrapping away but ultimately not being quite good enough to stay in the PL. We came down having been utterly useless, incapable of doing anything other than get thumped in every game. Basically, they already had the bones of being a decent Championship team, whilst we were completely pathetic and in absolute freefall. I'm not defending what's happened since relegation but we were always going to have to brake much harder to get around this hairpin.

He needs to walk into the changing room on Monday morning and say, "Young man, there's no need to feel down."

What were those crappy T-shirts Lovren kept going on about, with a cartoon owl? I'm sure they were called Russell something.

Sack him and give a young, up and coming manager from the Championship a go. Can't possibly be worse than this clown.

Be terrible, as he was for large parts of last season. He has absolutely dined out on about three goals he scored when he first joined, he's done nothing since and in a lot of games last season just looked unfit.

Was the same last time we played them in the Championship in the game which would have won us the league. I think we were 1-0 up when they should have had a concrete straight red on a player who was already booked... nothing.

I quite like him.

Does anyone actually care if Boro go down to ten men? I mean really, what are we actually hoping for there?

Yes, TBH. Alcaraz has been dreadful this season. It absolutely astonished me the amount of criticism aimed at Bazaunu relative to the praise aimed at Alcaraz.

Because he's playing behind our defence, which seems to be made up of different players every week and is consistently sh*te. We aren't getting a keeper in this league who you can just slam shots against all day and he keeps them all out. Baz could have done better with three of the eighteen goals we've conceded this season. That should tell you that the main problem is elsewhere.

Well, he certainly knows his stuff when it comes to crap strikers.

That’s proof of absolutely nothing other than the fact that the football authorities briefly went mad and decided that any incident requiring medical attention in the crowd necessitated a stop in play and that only the clubs on field medics could run across the pitch and deal with it, rather than the St John’s paramedics who’ve been in stadiums for decades to deal with such occurrences. These ‘stoppages every week’ involved an NFL player who was head butted in the chest, at galloping speed, by a 19 stone mountain of an opponent and a fan at Notts County who slipped on wet stairs and cracked his head open. Hence they ‘seemed to be happening every week’. The likes of Tiss hysterically posted these stories knowing they were at best ambiguous, but didn’t show one ounce of contrition when they invariably turned out to be bullsh*t. But then why would he; tweeting things like, "hey guys, sorry if I mislead you all last week, it turns out that Fleetwood fan was actually an u3 year old registered diabetic," isn’t exactly great for your anti-vax street cred.

He said MANAGER, not manger.