Lighthouse

Go on pornhub and search for ‘rape’.

These are just football cliches which don’t really cut it any more. Darren Powell was a brick sh*thouse CB, Paul Wotton was a tough tackling, no-nonsense midfielder. Tadic, Mané and Lallana were the ‘nimble footed types’. In fact I’d say DM/CB are the two positions in which we’ve recruited well with ABK and Lavia.

If he leaves it’ll be because somebody in the Prem clearly rates him and is willing to put their money where their mouth is. If that happens, fair play to him, why should he refuse? The players have been let down by the club more than the other way around; they’re trying their best, it’s not their fault if they are all sh*t. Hell, if Real Madrid want to sign Elyounoussi, fair play to him. Nobody owes us anything, just because we haven’t got the first clue in how to run a football club.

TBH I really wouldn’t mind seeing us lose to Forest if it helps send Everton down. Let’s just hope Leeds pull something off today and Leicester get a crushing victory on Monday.

Our last six points have taken ten games to accumulate. I can’t see us emulating that in the next two.

Boll*cks to that, I want Everton and Leicester to go down.

I'd rather Boro or Sunderland won the playoffs personally. That could be six northern teams out both ends of the league for next season, which is handy for the majority of Saints fans.

London?

TBH I think United - City makes for a much better final, as much as I would usually root for the underdog.

But that’ll be the case regardless of who goes down. If it’s a straight choice out of the current bottom teams, I’d rather Reading stayed up.

Wolves on the beach already. Come on Forest, put daylight between yourselves and Everton.

Having watched the Everton vs Newcastle game in a bar on Thursday, I’m still non the wiser as to what Goodison and Everton fans have that we don’t. The place practically emptied itself in between Schar’s fantastic fifth goal and it being disallowed for offside.

For most of us though, it’d be quite handy to lose those two and either Udders or Rotherham. Anything to keep us off the M1 and M6 as much as possible.

I think we’ll go with the classic T20 power play formation, every man in a tight midfield circle, except for Perraud at deep square leg and Adams at long off. We’ll catch them by surprise, they won’t be expecting that.

Ralph actually tried mixing things around and using different tactics though. We started the season trying to make a back five work and when it didn’t reverted to a four. Selles isn’t playing the Ralph way, this is just pointless ‘please don’t get hammered’ football. I honestly think Selles will be quite happy to lose the remainder of our games one or two nil, just to escape without being embarrassed. As such he will stuff the team with pointless, hard working off the ball, recyclers like Moi and AA.

They didn’t, that’s just a lie from the mainstream media. It’s was all filmed using midgets on Ben Nevis.

It’ll be a negotiation like any other deal. Supposing Tella does want to go to Burnley, it’s in everyone’s best interests to agree a reasonable price. £20-25m is around the right area, if Burnley didn’t stump up that much they’d only have to go and spend it on some other unknown quantity from abroad, like we did with Sully. The main factor affecting price is contract length, which is in our favour in this instance.

More recently it was Wolves. Every club gets their two seasons in the sun.

Gentlemen, can’t we all just be happy that the cretinous douchebag Tucker Carlson has lost his job?

Let’s hope he’s been practicing coughing, or licking, or achieving an erection, or literally any of the hundreds of things he could have done against Wolves which would have constituted a legitimate goal, as opposed to what he actually did.

It’s a ‘no thanks’ from me personally. I know he’s supposedly versatile but in such a dreadful team he can’t seem to hold down a place anywhere. Useless in CM when Lavia was injured, at best you’d say he’s out in some competent performances on the right side of defence. He will want to be one of the best payed players in the Championship but really he’s just the Jermaine Wright of next season. There’re a limited number of players we will be able to offload in summer and replace with top end, top earning Championship ones. I’d wouldn’t be hanging on to any of the current lot, with a couple of exceptions.

We’ve seen all this before with DMG, Obafemi and N’Lundulu all slamming them in for the youth team. None were ready for first team football and I’d wage none of our current youngsters are either. Yet.

Spurs matching Newcastle’s tactics second half. Bringing on a former Everton d*ckhead nobody likes.

As Saints fans, we’d all bite your hand off for a 5-5 in Newcastle’s situation. Surprisingly not. I don’t think people want to get arrested during Eid.

Forster on.