Secret Site Agent

GM, Let me ask you the following: Imagine a hot summer’s day. You’re standing in your kitchen at the end of the day holding an orange you’ve taken from the fridge. Look at the outside of it, its orange waxy skin with green marks at the ends. Feel how cold it is in your hand. Raise it to your nose and smell it. Mmmm. Press it gently and notice the weight of the orangen in the palm of your hand. Now take a knife and cut it in half. Hear the juices start to run and notice that the smell is stronger now. Bite deeply into the orange and allow the juice to swirl around in your mouth. Wow, you're mouth is becomming wet because your saliva glands are starting to work. You'll now lie, and say it didn't happen. You're mouth is 'dry'. You'll now wonder how this has happened. And so will the rest of you. NLP isn't about 'pseudo-science' and 'physco-babble'. It's about realising the way to get a message across, and the way to get people to trust you. It's also about putting into words what naturally you do anyway. It's all about Rapport. If i met you on a plane and told you I was a Saints fan, you would start to trust me, and wait for the next thing to come out of my mouth to confirm it. If I told you I was a Pmpey fan, you would take a step back and not trust me until I spoke again and convinced you I could be trusted.

My company have used it for behaviourial safety on our construction sites. I have been trained in it and we use it regularly for briefings and tool box talks and have two members of our workforce trained as on site coaches. The success is that we have reduced our accident/incident rate by 28% and for the first time in 8 years we have beat our target for reduction in accidents on site, which is quite something. I have seen some of the little tricks work, and have used them, especially with regard to winning discussions and getting the point across, and changing peoples perceptions. It's too much to go into here, but there is a section in my training, where the trainer does 'NLP magic', where he shows how it's used by magicians to do certain magic tricks, (such as mind reading, guessing which hand an item is in) and how fake psychics use it to gain insight to an individual to find information on a deceased relative. This is worth the training alone, and i'm sure it's going to get me laid at some stage. Also the section on microexpressions, to find out peoples real feelings when you talk to them is facinating as well.

Count me in on this one. Would be most happy if this happens.

Shut up!!!!! Of course we will go down. We've played two games in which we have lost both, although it's not the end of the transfer window, and we have another in Janaray, we aint got no chance. so that's the season over and here comes the championship again. Yeyyyy

In the first one where is the rest of the saddle?

One word....................Proud. Got to be happy with that. Instaed of sitting back and playing the game to minimise how many goals we lose by, we went for it. No one can not be proud of that.

Oh ****

I've been watching Fox sport. How patronising and wrong can the Yanks get? This is our Premiership debut, we just want to get next to a Man Citeh player and swop shirts, Man City is a fortress, Lambo on the bench is a mistake, as we don't have anyone to fill in. Goiung to watch sky sports. It's still patronising, but at least it's my sort of patronising.

I think 6m for JustMike is fair, but 11m for skintsaint is too much for someone without Premiership Experience.

I'd go back in time, Invent the DVD, Windows, the Ipod and Iphone, go forward in time, invest in genetics, go forward again until we have perfected cloning, go back in time, take genetic samples of the greatest players that ever lived, (you know, Bobby Moore, Messi, Le Tiss, Bestie, Becks, Keegan) create cloned children of them in 1992, sign them all to Saints in 2002, buy saints before Marcus, and then give them all their first team run out this year,Spend six weeks telling everyone on here that we are going to walk this league, record all those that beat me down, then let my cloned team of 20 year old's beat the crap out of everyone in this league, just to shut up the *****wits on this board,

She's got real hair and everything.

Good read, thanks for the link. A bit guarded though I reckon. But fair play to Nigel. In Nigel we trust.

What, again? Do i have to?

I'm such a goody-goody. Or i'm more cerebral in my infractions that I get away with it!

Are you admitting to be a fool, aintforever? Welcome to the nut house

Oh no, don't get me wrong. I'm all for a lively debate, but half of us have sacked him already based on this. And mentioned Harry in the same breath. His very name sends shivers down my back.

OK we're doing it again. 'NA aint signed no one. What's the matter with him, he knows we need a CB, but he just aint bothered to spend the cash.' The truth is quite simple: a) we don't know what players he is interested in, until they sign, or the manager makes upm stories about us tapping up their player, or they raise the price to 18 million b) we don;t know who we HAVE approached and failed to sign c) we don't know what deals are being done at the moment d) we don't really know what are strategy is this season, what our target is. e) we don't know if we're going to play the long game and wait until the January transfer window. f) we don't know what foreign players may be on the radar, either permenant of loanees. g) we don't know if Nigel has the cabability to manage in the Prem, but then again the likes of Sir Alec and Arsene weren't born in a test tube just to manage in the prem, everyone has to start somehow h) we don't know if Nigel will walk instead of being pushed. i) we don't know if Nicola has already given Nigel an ultimatum j) we don't know if the 'success factor' will dribble down to the players and give them the boost to actually compete at this level. k) we don't know the capabilities of the team. Judging them on a few pre-season games, where we constantly change the team and tactics, is like asking me to make a tower out of lego, mechano, straws, sand, bags of suger, then worry that I would have problems managing the construction of a new Tower block . l) Bookies are just stataticians that work on the basis of probably. There isn't one who would give you more than 2/1 on the toss of a coin, where as science tell us that the odds of tails is higher than heads, (53/47) and they wouldn't give you more than 7/1 on an accident happening on a certain day, where as collected data tells us we have more accidents on a Wednesday than any other day, and just like the theory why the bumblebee can fly, science just can't prove it. But bookies have to make sure they cover risk, and it's easier on paper to prove Nigel, than it is to prove Sir Alex, will be the first to go. So, based on the above above, how about we take this with a pinch of salt.

Yes, I just need Hypo, Alpine, shame no Dune, and Bitterne and I have afull set. Obviously you need a lesson in irony.

Why am I a fruitcake? What is wrong with putting my cards on the table, but being more direct than everyone else. We haven't kicked a ball yet and were already relegated, so why not just miss out on all the ups and downs, the false dawns. We wanted to be in the Prem, we are here, but we've all changed our minds haven't we? Why fight to stay here, where we don't belong. Back to the comfort of the lower leagues I say. I don't wnat to wait for us to build a team, I want success NOW. We aint going to get it here, so lets just drop back to where we desrve to be. I have no mental problem. It's the rest of the residents of the bubble.

I can't wait. Lets get this season over and get back to the Championship. More chances of winnig games, and coming top of the league this time, with £6 million + of a parachute payment, and a team to beat any in the second tier of English football. Yes, let's not even bother this season. Go to the bottom of the Premiership and lets stay there, then next season we can really let rip into some teams. Lots of 4 and 5 - nils for us next season. We don't belong here in the Prem, teams too lightweight, Manager has no experience in top flight, press don't think we can do it, and we have failed in the transfer market. Even our best players as past it. No, we don't belong here. We are just the pretenders of the Premiership. It'll be great to be back in the Championship. I can't wait for it. I wish we were already relegated.

We've been linked with ALL players, it's bound to be right sometimes

The streets of heaven are full of Angels, and one I believe has always been looking down on us, with a grin at the legacy he left. I believe that a Legend is when the man survives his death as his name lives on. As long as we have Marcus alongside Saints in our hearts, he will always live, in every success we have had, in the games we play, in the players, and in the fact we now have a team. People berated me for wanting a statue of him. I'll say it again. A statue of him, Smile in Hand, Saints Scarf around his neck, and Camera in hand.

Trouble is, people seem to forget that these are pre-season games and not ones we are going out to win, but to test the team, tactics, formation, individuals ont he fringe and experiment, plus as a training tool. That is why i give a 'meh' to us winning, losing or drawing these games, as if we were going out to win, we would have the difinitive first 11, not make so many substitutes AND give the team an incentive to win, like for every goal they score, they get a mars bar, For every game they win their wives/girlfriends will be released unharmed and for every goal scored against us, a little kitten dies.

Not forgetting that it is a waste of money to develop an acadamy when we can buy what we want for top dolla.

I have an old gold ring, it's a buckle ring and is about 120 years old. It belonged to my mother. My friend has a painting of a horse fair by Leo Whelan. My Aunt has a full collection of fine Bone China tableware with Silver cutlery. They are all worth money. Lots of money. And they all belonged to a parent that died. And we wouldn't sell for the world. I know that a football club, especially one recently purchased, is probably something different. But just because they are in business, doesn't mean they are heartless bastards just out to make a quick buck. Fulfilling the dream of a deceased parent for what must be a minor outlay for them, and the fact that they don't have to pump **** loads of money into the team, perhaps means more to his wife and children than another diamond encrusted backscratcher, © C.Montgomery Burns.