Big Bad Bob Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Just goes to show you never can tell. He never looked the type when wittering on about cricket. It's the quiet ones that you have to be careful about, just wait until the stories about Whispering Ted Lowe hit the Red Tops.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 18 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Neil Tennant. OK, but for the record you're not my landlord. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 (edited) The impossible has happened and these are actually getting worse. Edited 18 February, 2014 by Tokyo-Saint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 18 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 18 February, 2014 The impossible has happened and these are actually getting worse. Thanks Toke. As you know, I am constantly seeking your approval for everything I do. So knowing that you're right behind me in the endeavour to make TMS more interesting now that The Bear has 'gone commercial' and sold out to the rarified, swear-filtered climes of the main bored, makes it somehow all worthwhile Your ever-loving father. Bletch. P.S. Whale. Oil. Beef. Hooked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 18 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 18 February, 2014 The impossible has happened and these are actually getting worse. P.S. Did you really edit that post? And you spent 3 minutes, that's one hundred and eighty seconds spicing it up! Just how pointless must it have been pre-edit? Your ever-caring father, Bletch. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buctootim Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 It originally said "These are getting worse". However Tokes spent those three minutes mining down in his wit banks to come up with "The impossible has happened, these are getting worse". That was very clever - use of tautology to keep it on topic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 I was on the train on my phone. I thought the 'these are getting worse' was a little hard on my ever loving and boring father. I then tried to soften it up... This didn't work so I went with the impossible line. Glad everyone is keeping on top of things on here though. I thought the place might suffer with me out of the office today and bear gone commercial. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 18 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 18 February, 2014 It originally said "These are getting worse". However Tokes spent those three minutes mining down in his wit banks to come up with "The impossible has happened, these are getting worse". That was very clever - use of tautology to keep it on topic. Well it would be churlish to say that he didn't improve it, because he did - immeasurably. I certainly can't measure just how much the post improved between revisions BTT. But improve, it did. I mean the initial draft was hilarious enough, but the final copy is just the work of a master craftsman. If I'm honest BTT, I'm just flattered that Toke's putting in the hours. Since The Bear has left his acoustic behind to go touring The Lounge with that jazzy-pickuped electric number strapped to his back, Toke's been a little down. Somedays I feel like I'm Mrs Ronnie Corbett, having to console and cajole a grumpy Ronnie C who is under my feet, grumpily moping around the house because Ronnie Barker has just got the contract to record "Porridge", while all our poor Ronnie C has been offered is another series of "Sorry", and he only got that because people remember that he was funny with Ronnie Barker. So, I'm Mrs Ronnie Corbett, Toke is Ronnie Corbett, The Bear is Ronnie Barker, The Muppet Show is Sorry, The Lounge is Porridge, The Main Bored is Open All Hours, Spudders is Nurse Gladys Emmanuel, and I guess that makes you Phyllis Lumsden (yes I Google'd that). Do you know what I mean? Good. Could you explain it to me then. "I was that pished, I watched the 4 Ronnies!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 stop mugging me off! i am v.business but i just went to the trouble + inconvenience of relating a whole story in ramirez off topic thread involving one bear, one girlfriend, five spice girls + a tramp! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buctootim Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 That makes me Tokes' mum. A quick educational slap round the back of the legs could be tempting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Things are getting worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 18 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Things are getting worse. Ha, ha. You've still got it Ronnie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 No probs... Which one were you again? I think you'd make a good soft guard guy from porridge. He was same actor as Carson right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 18 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Xavi. Is he? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Does that one even make sense bletch or have you just started saying random words and put does he or is he at the end. I.e. gay bear is he? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 18 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Does that one even make sense bletch or have you just started saying random words and put does he or is he at the end. I.e. gay bear is he? Toke, this IS TMS you know. I think you're being a bit literal with all this "Does that one even make sense Bletch?". Lighten up Toke, you are such a Lounger these days. But to answer your question, I am taking a bit of a liberty with the Spanish language, but I'm pronouncing the Spanish maestro's name exactly the same way as Martin Tyler who is commentating on 'City v Barca. And he pronounces it... Bare-zgay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Is he? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lets B Avenue Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Toke, this IS TMS you know. I think you're being a bit literal with all this "Does that one even make sense Bletch?". Lighten up Toke, you are such a Lounger these days. But to answer your question, I am taking a bit of a liberty with the Spanish language, but I'm pronouncing the Spanish maestro's name exactly the same way as Martin Tyler who is commentating on 'City v Barca. And he pronounces it... Bare-zgay. Not Tyler. No revolting peasants. Its Tyldesley. Good luck with that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 18 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Not Tyler. No revolting peasants. Its Tyldesley. Good luck with that one. Bein Sports 11HD, I'm sure that's Martin Tyler. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lets B Avenue Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Bein Sports 11HD, I'm sure that's Martin Tyler. Ok. I assumed you would be on ITV. Out of the country? At least you wont have to listen to Adrian Chiles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Bit of a fail here bletch. More inaccuracies than join the dots with bearsy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 18 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Is he? Yes. Ok. I assumed you would be on ITV. Out of the country? At least you wont have to listen to Adrian Chiles. No, but I am out of the living room and it's not on itv.com. Bit of a fail here bletch. More inaccuracies than join the dots with bearsy. How so Toke? I'll admit my Spanish isn't up to scratch, but if you pronounce the X as a CH and the V as a V, then I think you'll find it sounds like bare-zgay. Either that or Chavvy. Is he? God Ernie, you're hard work since Morecambe left for the bright lights of The Lounge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 You might be interested in live now.tv bdog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 18 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 18 February, 2014 All this fun, and we haven't even touched heteronyms yet! The young lad put on his crash helmet and moped because his moped was broken. Oh, what fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 18 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 18 February, 2014 You might be interested in live now.tv bdog. Oh, OK. I tell you what though, the Global Warming Really is Happening thread in The Lounge is getting a bit fruity. There are some posts in there that certainly aren't about climate change, and you get the feeling that Guided Missile might use the long arm of the law to put The Man's metaphorical TSW-server-ballocks in a vice until they are deleted. Now is the time to take a copy and send it to Wikileaks, before The Man is forced to act. Oh and BTT and Guided Missile are minutes away from having a proper old fashioned tear-up - via PM. I have to say, Guided Missile does have a talent for insults... Clapham Saint is a waste of sperm. No matter your affiliation, you've got to respect that level of disrespect. And everyone seems to know Guided Missile's age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Are you trying to say check out the climate thread bletch? I think you are. I'll check it out and by check it out, I probably mean troll it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lets B Avenue Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 I just heard a crack. But my drugs are usually silent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 Bletch was right, that climate change thread has taken an unexpected change for the Lols. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 19 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 19 February, 2014 The fisherman, pleased with his efforts took hold of the bass, and played it like Mark King from Level 42. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 19 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 19 February, 2014 He didn't like going into the polish shop in St. Mary's, but he had run out of Mr. Sheen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 19 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 19 February, 2014 He was asked to think of a number, so he replied "A number what?". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 19 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 19 February, 2014 The dentist removed the plaque, polished it and put it back on the wall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 Bletch's knob was so minute that it was a minute before his wife found it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 19 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 19 February, 2014 Bletch's knob was so minute that it was a minute before his wife found it. Mods, please delete this. I am the only one allowed to look clever on here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 Was that a reluctant doff of the butlers hat there Bletch Bearsy had sex change unfortunately the operation went badly and his new pussy got infected and the septic sores became very pussy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 There once was a dirty bear Whose manners would make people stare He loved to eat jizz Both other's and his Even when matted in Bletch's hair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 Bletch's knob was so minute that it was a minute before his wife found it. I can second that the second that I saw it for the second time when I was seconded to look after him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 tokyos and father-in-law was in the bath tokyos had wank and so did father-in-law Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 Bear's dad's name is Kenny And he'll suck you off for a penny, For half of that sum, You can bugger his bum, An economy practiced by many. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 such lies! My dad's name is Dave! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 There was a price pikey named Dave Who kept a dead whore in his cave. Said Dave, "What the hell... You get used to the smell, And think of the money you save! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 What's your mum's name Bear?* *Be convenient if it rhythms with whore or similar plse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notnowcato Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 If you have a fear of words that are spelt the same but have different meanings are you homophobic? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buctootim Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 If you have a fear of words that are spelt the same but have different meanings are you homophobic? You mean like 'gay'; 'bear'; 'dog' and 'SW London'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 There was a price pikey named Dave Who kept a dead whore in his cave. Said Dave, "What the hell... You get used to the smell, And think of the money you save! What's your mum's name Bear?* *Be convenient if it rhythms with whore or similar plse. is sue, i spose you could rhyme it with poo or whatever? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 There once was a girl named Sue, She visited Marwell zoo She smelled funky, And looked like a monkey So now she lives there too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 19 February, 2014 Author Share Posted 19 February, 2014 Toke's sister was born in Sri Lanka, Her **** was as wide as a tanker, you could go for a swim, in the depths of her quim, and you needed a lamp post to vvank her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 A bear taking a dump asked a rabbit 'Does shit stick to your fur as a habit?' 'Of course not,' said the hare, 'It's really quite rare!' So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 Are you trying to say check out the climate thread bletch? I think you are. I'll check it out and by check it out, I probably mean troll it up. Bletch was right, that climate change thread has taken an unexpected change for the Lols. You had to didn't you, you really had to encourage GM to post a recent picture of Bearsy in his usual position in front of GM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 I must admit the thread has taken an upturn thanks to the limerick geniuses, the only limerick of that ilk I know is :- There was a woman, called Sue who could squirt a pint or two so she lay on her back and opened her crack and squirted all over Bearsy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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