miserableoldgit

As usual, no idea if it is genuine, but it is quite funny:- "Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. Perhaps we all ought to do one. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALLING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH #1. To make an appointment to see me #2. To query a missing payment. #3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. #4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. #5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. #6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier. #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. #10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year? Your Humble Client And remember: Don't make old People mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to **** us off."

I realise that this probably won`t appeal to many on here but this will be an event for anyone who is interested in the history of Hampshire and the New Forest in particular. http://www.forest-tracks.co.uk/hampshirevoices/pages/newforestconcert.html

My daughter and son-in-law were in the Oriana theatre company a few years back and they loved both Oriana and Aurora. Sent from my HTC Desire S using Tapatalk

We did Stavanger, Olden (which is a bit surreal as it is just a small village with a cruise liner parked in it), Flaam and Bergen. Would highly recommend this cruise and some of the excursions available at each port. Listening to experienced cruisers on board, the general opinion seemed to be that Aurora is one of the best ships to travel on. We think that our next one will be the Baltic on her.

Sorry. I am confused. Are grown men wearing replica shirts and Saints leisurewear also homosexualists or is it JUST flag-wavers?

Or presumably replica shirts, scarves, badges, rosettes, leisurewear, gnomes etc..............?

Just come back from a weeks cruise to the Norwegian fjords on Aurora (our first cruise) and I have to say that it was absolutely brilliant! The ship, the crew, the food and the scenery were all out of this world. It is not very often that we come back from a holiday without some negative thoughts, but this was perfect. The entertainment may not have suited all but there was an intersting after-dinner talk with Jan Molby. Can`t wait to do it all again!!

Looks superb! Well done one and all. Perhaps someone should send a copy to Channel 4 to show what Markus actually meant/means to Saints fans.

I take no joy in hearing this but, if true, it is hardly a surprise. A sad waste.

Where is Pink Scarf??

Especially as he actually got a good reception from the crowd the last time that he played for us (Blackpool in the Cup?)

I hope that he left some for Mr Mellor!

You can actually say a lot in 4 seconds.

You are absolutely right. Skirting around the Skate Skandal. In fact showing the poor P*mpey fans chanting "Where has our money gone" on at least two occaissions without any reports on what happened there was disgraceful.

Whilst what was said was factually correct, the inference in the way that the point was put across certainly made it sound dodgy.

What time is this Press Conference?? I am so excited I can hardly contain myself!!

I think TBF that for some reason, there was something during the close season that affected RL. He was quite ovbiously not the player that he was the previous season for the first third of last. He certainly started to play like his old self later in the season. Who knows? If he can have a good pre-season and get off to a flying start, he may well have a cracking season.

How much cash did Mikey Wilde splash?? £7M-£9M was it? How does that compare with what PFC splashed?

Spot on. As I replied before to the same point :- "I wasn`t suggesting that it was hard. I am not denying the "free match" benefit of getting one. I am not discounting the first dibs on away ticket thing. I was commenting on the fact that the club, far from trying to sell more ST`s seem to be making it less "customer friendly" to renew or get one, leading people to ask the question as to why this may be."

I wasn`t suggesting that it was hard. I am not denying the "free match" benefit of getting one. I am not discounting the first dibs on away ticket thing. I was commenting on the fact that the club, far from trying to sell more ST`s seem to be making it less "customer friendly" to renew or get one, leading people to ask the question as to why this may be.

As a ST holder of many years, I would say that there have been a number of issues that have made it less easy to buy/renew my ticket over the last two close seasons. Maybe the club is so convinced that it will be successful that it wants more seats to be available for the money-making walk-up. I would have thought that in the current financial climate, any business worth it`s salt would love to encourage it customers to pay up front, in full, for the service that it is offering.

As it was last year.

And yet strangely, I get the impression that the club, whilst not actively discouraging ST sales, aren`t, with their various "hard-line" actions, exactly encouraging them either. I really wonder how important ST sales actually are to NC.

Don`t forget that other icon of British history William Drake!!