Whitey Grandad

New sales v. renewals

Turns up from the dead at Easter? Must just be a coincidence, surely?

There's a book in there somewhere, or a film, or a serial in a magazine. Can I be the action hero star?

It might be pure random chance, just unlucky. There again...

I can understand why. He gives away penalties and frequently gets caught for pace.

They never get this, do they? You have to demonstrate that you're not henpecked. One tactic is to tell them at the start of the day what you might get round to doing later, but don't ever be too definite about it or they'll never let you forget it. Just let them know that it's your idea, not their's. Do you get comments like 'You've left all that stuff lying around'? I always answer: 'I haven't left it, I just haven't put it away yet'. 'Are you going to leave that there?' Yeah, I though I might. I didn't think you'd notice amongst all the shoes and handbags kicking around the floor. The one that really upsets me is 'Nobody ever puts anything away' or 'Nobody ever helps me'. There's usually only two of us here but I never know who she's talking about. It's just as well I'm tolerant and mild-mannered. We Cancerians are like that. Thick-skinned and don't show our emotions. Women, eh, what would you do with 'em?

Women hate it when you don't argue back. They'll come back with comments like: 'Don't you care? Does it mean nothing to you?' Just sit there, don't look too smug, and say to yourself: 'I am a rock, the sea flows over me and flows back again. I am a tree, I bend with the wind and spring back up again. I shall survive'. Never try to debate the issue with them logically, they don't deal in logic and if you ever prove that you're right then you'll be wrong.

Exams are nothing to worry about. Just a chance to show them how brilliant you are.

I haven't done any exams since my MSc around 1976, apart from the refereeing exam which had the highest pass threshold of all.

Don't worry, it would have hit her first

“There would have been a huge explosion with the wings ripped off and the fuselage would probably have plummeted straight down.” Unlikely to be an explosion if the plane had run out of fuel, however see Derry's comment above about engines cutting out independently.

Get a dishwasher, preferably one under 30 with big knockers so you can watch when it's being filled and emptied. Don't stay in the kitchen too long though or you might get roped in to do something.

It would be rude of us not to oblige.

Perhaps they're all after his job?

Yes please, I would

We've lost 5 of the last 8. I'm not hopeful.

Could do better. Marks: 7/10 See me.

The BMW 5 series is one of the greatest executive cars ever made. I had two before they changed the design and did away with a spare wheel.

Years ago I met a car salesman who used to sell Allegros. Every time that one left the sales room they used to say "There goes trouble". Weren't they standing around on airfields for a couple of years because more were produced than sold, or was that the Maxi?

I had a couple of words with some Cardiff fans on the walk back. One thought that 'Southampton played well but lacked a cutting edge'.

I'm quite pleased with David Moyes's performance Pulis has done well for the time he's been at Palace but I get it'll go to Rodgers.

I know there's nothing to play for but I'd be a bit worried about next season if we were to lose the next four.

I don't necessarily want us to change from Plan A to Plan B, but I think we ought to mix up our play more. The occasional ball over the top might keep their defence guessing.

Barcelona had over 85% possession against Granada and still lost 1-0.

I doubt he missed it, just decided it wasn't deliberate.