Whitey Grandad

Brilliant! Where can I buy a miniature for my mantlepiece?

The best place to hide a book is in a library. Put on your zombie makeup and go to Swindon. Nobody (dead or alive) will ever find you.

Just do a Leeds and play all the also-rans.

To be honest, I was not too hopeful for this season once the window had been shut and I have been resigned to relegation for some time now. Now that we have reached this situation it would need a big turn round in performances to drag ourselves up the table and I can see no sign of that happening with the current set-up. The question then is whether replacing Nigel will achieve enough improvement in performances to rescue us from this predicament and that depends on who replaces him. It won't be pretty but anyone who can tighten up the defence and get back to clean sheets or no more than one goal against might stand a chance. Any takers?

That's what the commentators were saying on Sky. He got away with it though, didn't he?

He was kicking with his right foot because his usual left leg was injured.

Very perceptive. It's all about money and how much is spent.

It's a very big step up to the Premiership and we have tripped up on it. We are miles away from the likes of Everton, Spurs, Newcastle, and not even in the same league as those at the top of the table. We may have spent £30m but that's less than a third of what's needed to buy a Premiership team. What we have are a load of players who are of upper Championship standard. I was pleased that we won a lot last season but hardly jumping for joy over the prospect of this because all I could foresee was regular embarrassing thrashings.

They're all Championship level players, Ramirez excepted.

The only question is who we replace him with.

He'll be good in the Championship.

It was a big jump and we aren't good enough to make it.

No positives, just one negative. We lost.

It's stretching the term 'invaded' somewhat. They've even included the odd piracy raid.

2/10. Nice effort. Must try harder. I shall reserve further comments until after tomorrow evening, if I may.

Perhaps the big plan is to qualify for Europe through the fair play league?

I used to have a cartoon which said "I feel so much better now that I've given up hope".

Well that's two of us who understand what's needed. Now how about telling the club?

It doesn't necessarily mean that. We simply aren't competing enough possession, nor are we streetwise. Take the Spurs game for instance. Lennon goes on a waltz straight through our midfield and defence and nobody gets near him or even attempts a challenge and Defoe ends up through on goal. Later in the same game we are attacking down the right wing and (sorry, can't remember names) get taken out by a deliberate obstruction which results in a yellow card. It's not pretty but it is effective.

I noticed that, but he might actually be disinterested.

He'd look better with anybody in front of him.

There's a scoresheet open on all of us, one way or another. A few quick wins would do wonders for all concerned.

Thieves have stolen my wife's credit card. I haven't told the police yet, they're spending less than she does.

And Blackpool?

Yes, seriously. I'm not saying we can't, just that we won't. We need two wins more than our rivals already and are shipping goals at a comical rate. I just can't see us getting enough clean sheets,.