Whitey Grandad

Nurse! He's singing another one!

Where's my motion-sickness bag?

'Now That's What I Call Olympic Closing Ceremonies #37'

Just the six of us watching it?

Now we're on to the repeats.

Where's Vera Lynn when her country needs her?

And who the hell is this awful wailer on now?

So far it's like a tribute night at Pontins. On a Tuesday. In February. On a rainy night.

Mark: My favourite comment was from the weightlifting: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning, during her warm up, and it was amazing".

I think that calling them 'Premiership players' is stretching the point somewhat.

It would seem that the poor girl was found in the attic. Would a dog have been able to detect a body up there?

I survived my heart attack but sadly you didn't survive yours, and we were both the same age. Markus, I've been thinking of you a lot these last few weeks. Thanks for your legacy, it will live forever.

How can the loan be secured against Fratton Park when there's already a whopping great secured charge on it?

Even after all these player 'deals' there must still be the matter of the deferred wages. I would assume that the deal would be to pay these out of future PPs, plus employers NI of course.

He's our player, he has my full support.

Well done. Straight sets too, leaves him fresher for the mixed doubles.

Oops, glad we didn't sign him.

Anything on tele or streamed? I'm still recuperating so I can't get there.

Can they send him back if they don't like him?

On a slightly different note, I saw a sign in Australia: 'abseiling office upstairs'.

Our local library has a sign saying 'this door will not open automatically unless you press the button'. Work that one out.

What do you do when the child insists on undoing its seatbelt and trying to open the car door on a motorway? Or trying to get a closer look at that train passing through the station?

I can't see the Football League making an exception to allow the club to pick and choose which football creditors they deign to pay. All or nothing is the only possible option, else it would set a dangerous precedent for the League. It's their competition and they set the rules.

Indeed, but I can't really see what all the fuss is about. They call it phone hacking but anyone with a brain must realise that these voicemail systems are virtually public documents.

It's NHS newspeak.