scotty

If a tweet is posted in the forest and there's nobody there to read it, is it still as utterly pointless as all the others?

The doctor gazed out of the window towards the car park for a moment, then gave me the bad news. "Oh Jesus," I stuttered, " "how long have I got? What kind of heart op?" "There's nothing wrong with you," he replied irritably. "I said 'you need a hard-top', someone just slashed your convertible."

A mate in liverpool, lifelong anfield regular, phoned me after the jock game absolutely buzzing. Couldnt heap enough praise on Rickie, and said if SRL doesn't start the next game it would be such a travesty that he would be rooting for moldova.

My dad tutted his disapproval of my new sports car. "Its tiny," he frowned. "You'll never fit anything bulky in that." "So what?" I said. "I'm not planning to ferry the wife around in it."

"Before you go, can you toss another load into the washing machine," called my wife. "You kinky b*tch" I thought, unzipping my flies.

No. 17 has to be Robbie Savage.

I don't remember anyone on here saying anything much about De Ridder or Forren, other than they'd never heard of them, just a couple of massive threads full of speculation. Lee was mainly hailed as our entry point into the Asian tv marketplace where the money is, iirc. And as for the Forecast thing, I tend to agree with John Boy. It detracted attention from the loss of Bale and our general situation, publicity wise. Can't blame him for sitting on his 5-year deal and trousering the cash.

It was getting pretty horny in bed, and she whispered in my ear.."make me wet, darling..." "I'm not into watersports," I replied, "and anyway, I cant pïss through an erection."

Words you really don't want to hear in the prison showers

"Why Switzerland?" asked the travel agent. "It's really expensive, and not much fun." "My wife told me to book a holiday," I replied, "and I suggested North Wales. But she said she'd rather die than go there."

Are we suddenly allowed to whore out our old stuff on the main board?? Brilliant, I'll be back at 8am with a garage-full!

If we let Cork go, I will be sorely disappointed.

Thats a standard line trotted out by breaking-news organisations when they have no news to report during an ongoing event. They assume whoever it is will have had visitors in hospital, and report it as having happened, it would have been before confirmation that she died at the scene. That said, it does all seem too damn convenient to me. My guess is that it was somehow engineered because of her relationship with Al Fayed, but I dont suppose we'll ever know for sure.

Got a link? Sounds ridiculous to me. WUM.

He already said, he doesn't go to parties.

I'm not saying my wife is big. But when she lost her virginity, it wasn't so much deflowering as deforestation.

Rupert who?

We already do, judging by the "olé"s at sms any time we manage to string three passes together.

Someone said earlier that it doesnt.

Christ, you must have proper insulted him to produce such stinging invective. We're here for you if you need to talk about it.

Cortese Out.

Another scoop for saintsweb.... there is a woman who is less sexually alluring at the age of 71 than she was aged 21. Astonishing stuff.

Maybe, but he has very good taste in clothing. That alone should warrant us signing him.