Deppo

I slept with Sister Wendy Beckett.

I wondered why my mum had 'Proctor & Gamble' emblazoned across her apron last time I saw her.

What an incredibly insightful (and thought-provoking) post. Unless of course you're an idiot and see this as an attack on your own strong-held and unmovable views, rather than the food for thought that it is.

What an incredibly patronising (and ludicrous) post.

I prefer to display my incompetence openly.

Both of those are absolutely true about me! Could you tell me more if I give you £10?

I think that is an unfair representation of forum users. I'd say it is more like 95%.

Why would he go to Edinburgh?

It almost seems to suggest the opposite of a full time return to St. Mary's to me. The tone seems very nostalgic, if anything.

Barcelona.

Welcome to the Liberal Elite. I'll get your namebadge printed up.

Sorry, I've only ever been at the beginning of July or in the middle of August.

If the common understanding is that it should be 2 pages, you should make yours 3 pages so that you stand out from your competition. Perhaps you could make a montage of various family holiday snaps on the first page to get them interested in you and see that you are well-travelled and a good family man?

Do you think you could repost this having cut out the padding and get straight to the point

Just been sent this leaked image. Is this definitely the new kit? I like it.

This is the end of days. If the overflowing bins don't get you, the cucumbers will.

You do realise that that is human boob milk, don't you?

I heard him being interviewed on TalkSport earlier. He's pretty confident he's coming to England but couldn't name the club. He also came across as one of the most grounded and articulate footballers I've ever heard speak. He has an online magazine, which he himself writes for: http://www.column10.com/ And he's written an e-book which is due out this month, giving advice to youngsters getting into the game.

Okay.

Have you tried this marketplace? http://www.bricklink.com/

I direct all my prospective employers to my Facebook page and ask them to 'Like' me if they want to employee me. I got my current job because they were particularly impressed with the way that I had managed my 'Farmville' farm economically and by my leadership skills in building, managing and motivating a team of Ninjas in 'Ninjas versus Pirates'. I now head up the European division of British Petroleum.

Enjoying being given tasks makes you sound like a primary school student and doing those tasks in yr own manner makes you sound naughty.

What is a "forward thinker"?

Simon Cowell has done wonders for the British music industry and I for one think he's great.

It is a well known fact that Simon Cowell uses scouts to trawl the internet looking for potential Forum Supertars. About 3 years ago I got a PM from someone called Saint Simon saying that they had been monitoring my posts and thought that I had real potential to become an internet hero. A meeting was arranged and I, along with my mum, sat down with Simon Cowell and his representatives. He asked me to type some brilliant posts into the internet, but I froze, unable to perform when people were watching me. I was shaking like a leaf and quite distressed by it all. Simon took me into a quiet room and was great. He just said "How do you normally post?" and I said "normally I'm in my bedroom, in my pants, with a weak lemon drink and a 24 pack of Walkers crisps". As quick as lightning, Simon had sent a runner out to get some Lemon squash and some crisps. When they returned he encouraged me to remove my trousers and post something on the internet. Everyone was so pleased with the results that Simon immediately signed me up. It seemed like such a good deal - I would post on the internet, winning people over and every now and then saying something nice about Simon and he would keep me and my family supplied with Lemon squash, crisps and Gin for my mum. Three years on, and as much as I appreciate the training I have recieved from Simon Cowell, I just want to be free now. I can't get out of this contract and feel a fool for trusting him so much.