Deppo

I'll be supporting the Gooners, the Hammers and the Globetrotters.

I think we should all go down there with pitchforks and drive them out of town.

Once I'm clean, I like to get a new bit of toilet paper and pretend I'm still wiping, but instead stick a finger in my bum and play with my prostate. I bet we all do that, don't we?

This usually suffices:

I'm in Southsea today. I'll report back on any murders or lynchings.

The Tricorn Centre.

Yeh, I wouldn't if I were you.

I'd love to see a youtube of Yeovil's 'free kick'

****ing ****er ****s. **** ******** ****ing ******************s up their ****s.

Sorry, this was sent by from my phone. It was meant to say "mostly brilliant". Damn you autocorrect!

I begrudge it when I wipe, only to find out that I have produced what is clearly a no-wiper. Is there a more efficient way of finding out if it is a no-wiper? As, essentially at the moment, I can never have an actual no-wiper because I always have to wipe to find out.

And mostly bullsh*t, I'd imagine.

Is he of consenting age?

Gib is indeed an absolute sh*thole, full of sh*theads. These are the prettiest girls in all of Gibraltar. And bear in mind that this year's contestants are a darn site better than in previous years: http://www.missgibraltar.gi/content/miss-gibraltar-2011/contestants

That's a truffle. Eat it. It's lovely.

I have been to Pakistan on a number of occasions for training.

In a perforated bag and held under boiling water.

I like my tea like I like my women.

white people are mad corny

I did a poo earlier that could only have been the work of the devil - thus proving Gods existence.

No you don't. Stop lying.

Surprising as you're a bit intimidated by things that are strong and brown.

I like your girlfriend. She's pretty.

I'd rather bet on Leeds at 20/1 than Saints at 18/1.

I've just done some research with some women at work and they tell me that all women carry those fake blood capsules (the same ones that the rugby player used in the bloodgate scandal). They then burst them around their genitals whenever 1976_Child is around to make sure that he doesn't come near them. It's a way of warning him off as he is extremely slimey and predatory and they find him sexually repulsive. Apparently all women are taught about him at school.