Bearsy

It is amazing how bad QPR are. Lot of big name players in that squad, I bet their wage bill is ridiculous.

That's fair Windows. Is that the one where where he's trying to take someone on and gets mugged off? That happened 4 times. I did think he was good at picking out progressive passes tho. The other datas I like is that Lallana and Punch made as many passes in the final third as the entire QPR team put together.

Hi Fact Fans! Ramirez gave the ball away less times than any other player in the starting XI. He had 89% pass completion, only bettered by Punch (91%). I've got this football stats thing on the iphones. You should get it, it's very interesting/sad.

All joking aside, I'm pleased to see NC has got over his erection problems.

The largest erection at Staplewood since Jimmy Savile saw the U15s.

"There’s a difference between someone who can play football and someone who can play football." Still a fvvckwit I see!

We played some great footballs today! I was reading earlier bout our current line-up being the youngest anyone's put out this season, and also the youngest Southampton side in Premier League history.

Dunno if anyone cares or watever but rumpoura on the birmingham club scene: DaRRNE BEnt is knobbing chris herds mrs, causing frictions at rhe villa Jack wilsheres and marc albrightons is both getting caught for loving the coke

G'Day mate. What does an Aussie girl use for protection during sex? Bus shelter. Is it true in Australia birds fly upside down? Cos it ain't worth sh!tting on. Fair dinkum

Dunno what I done to get on the list! Ive got loads of agendas: The dumb mods is DUMB All the female posters is HOT Tokyos is my BFFF Muppet Shows should rank higher than BORING LOUNGE Perma-bans should be ILLEGAL All the posters here are COOL

I.e. sometimes they is having to outrun a randy Blue Whale.

Totally! It would be like this: In full disclosures I ain't actually read book 2. The review above was just experiment to see if writing the book is less trouble than reading the fvvcking thing. Turns out it is!

People used to wonder why De Ridder never got a start, till it slowly become apparent he weren't actually one of our better players.

That ain't something you see every day! Mental!

Book 2: 50 Shades Darker - Chapter 1 Two out of three of us are very unhappy. I'm very unhappy. My Inner Goddess is very unhappy. She's comfort eating pringles and strawberry jam. My subconscious though, is loving it. I wish she'd shut up. She's always saying I told you so, I told you he was no good, I said you was too fat - it's your own fault for eating all those ham sandwiches. I'm desperate to hear a friendly voice, so I telephone Jose. "Dos mio?" he says, answering the phone. "Oh Jose, I'm so unhappy, Christian says he's not going to bone me anymore." "Dos mio!" "We had to end things it was too intense! The other day right, he lifted my skirt and he pulled down my pants and bent me over and he was whipping my bum and then he took the handle of the whip and he shoved-" "Dos Mi- wait. What are you wearing?" I can't follow the train of his thought. "Just my pants, I'm about to have a bath." It goes strangely quiet on the other end of the line. "Are you still there Jose?" "Yes," he says, his voice strangely husky. He's obviously very concerned to hear about Christian. At least I've got one true friend. "Tell me more. Was he feeling your boobs?" "Yes, with his left hand he was groping on my boobs, with his right hand he took the whip handle and he shoved it in my sex and he thrust it in and out and in and out and then he was biting on my neck... what's that noise?" "Nothing. I'm just polishing my... my soccer trophies. They're very dirty." "They must be. You're very out of breath." "Then he put it in your bum?" "No. I mean he wanted to, but he never did." "So no-one's raped your bum yet?" "No." "You need to come round here. Now. It's not safe for you to be alone." Oh Jose. I knew I could rely on him. What a good friend. I thought he might be disgruntled about when Christian stopped him raping me but it's good to know we are still best friends forever. "Ok. I'll call for a taxi." "Don't bother. I'll come pick you up." "In your car?" "Yes." "Christian always picked me up in his helicopter." "Dos Mio!" Jose hangs up and I'm alone again. As alone as anyone can be when you've always got an Inner Goddess and Subconscious hanging around. The Inner Goddess is touching herself. "Stop that!" I say, but she just blows a raspberry at me. I'm thinking of having her tested. I'm wondering if it's aspergers. ***************************************************************** "Christian's house is much bigger than your house," I observe when we pull up. "Really." "Oh yes, he has got a full size grand piano in his house. Do you have a full size grand piano in your house?" "No." "And in his bathroom he's got two sinks. How many sinks do you have in your bathroom?" "One." I sigh heavily. Jose looks at me with a fierce expression of concern. I've seen that expression on his face once before, I think when we were at Weatherspoons. It makes me think of Christian. "Did I tell you he's got his own aeroplane?" "Yes. Come in. We'll have to go up to the bedroom, the lounge is being fitted out for a swimming pool." He follows me up the stairs. My short skirt is riding up my bum and it reminds me of when Christian was wanting to ride up my bum. "I'll get you a drink," says Jose. "Oh no, I'm fine." "No. You need to have a drink. It'll help you relax." "No honest I'm fine." "Have a ****ing drink!" screams Jose, his eyes bulging madly. Something about the tone of his voice reminds me of Christian and I find myself meek and compliant. "Ok," I say. He comes back with a glass of red wine. "Oh, is that sparkling?" "No, it's a madeira. My grandfather used to work on the vineyard." "But it's fizzing?" "Oh, right. Yes, it's the new sparkling madeira. Try it." I drink it. Absolutely delicious! "You look very tense," says Jose. "I had better rub your shoulders." He rubs them. His hands are still sweaty from polishing his soccer trophies. He's very red in the face and a bit breathless. I shut my eyes and think of Christian. "That's right baby," says Jose soothingly. "Close your eyes. Relax. Let the warm blanket of relaxation envelop you." He unbuttons my shirt so that he can rub my shoulders better, but all I'm thinking about is Christian and I hardly notice. I always feel very safe with Jose. I know I can trust him. Other than the time he tried to rape me, he's always been the perfect gentlemen. "Another thing that annoys me about Christian," I murmur dreamily, "Is how he was always tieing me up, he had me spread-eagled on his bed one time and was licking my sex and there was nothing I could do." "Dos mio!" says Jose sympathetically. "Just forget about him baby. You're safe here. Jose's here. You're feeling very sleepy." "I am." My voice is just a murmur, barely audible. "You can sleep here. Let me help you out of these clothes." I'm so grateful. It's just like when I got drunk and Christian had to undress me. People are so nice. Jose removes my top and unhooks my bra. He pauses for a moment, and then wipes my boobs for me. He removes my skirt, and my pants, accidentally running his finger along the lips of my pussy. "Just sleep baby," says Jose. "Sleep." I'm drifting off, I think I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming Christian is kissing my sex and it feels so real. It's the most vivid dream! He's flipping me over, and I feel something large parting my bum cheeks. "Dos mio!" says Christian in my dream. It seems an odd thing for him to say, but whatever. Suddenly there is a massive crashing noise, and I'm dragged from my dream. I'm facedown on the bed naked. Someone is on top of me. I look across the room and Christian is standing in the doorway! "Christian!" I exclaim. "How did you find me?" "I had a tracker inserted in your vag," he says calmly. "Oh, that explains it." My eyelids are heavy again, and when they close this time they close for good, and I drift off into a long and dreamless slumber. The last thing I hear is my Inner Goddess p!ssing herself. Too much wine.

Ah-hah! You guys!

Guys! I'm here! Guys! The dumb mods put me on auto-ignore! In other news I've accidentally taken out two subscriptions cos I'm dumbass, paypal is paying fiver today and they say they also want to pay fiver next week. I ain't bothered, the additional fiver is sweetner for the mods so I can have a custome rank! Here is the ones on my shortlist: Bearsy Reads Books So You Don't Have To Bearsy Bumhole Investigator Bearsy Serial Pluralator I'm open to other suggestions tho!

I'm away for days, and all you have to say is ellipsis? That hurts dude.

Hi Milts having gone to all the trouble of designing you a sweet statue I feel like I want some feedbacks! Is the plums to scale? I had to ask around the Saintsweb ladies to get your datas. Don't worry bout being too harsh. I can take it. I've already had professional criticism from Stains.

It took me some time to figure out that was the whale's knob. Who knew whales's knob's looked like that! I thought it was some whole other creature, like a creepy pink snake or something.

Guys! Don't be that way guys! I can't say that my time in Saintsweb Prison for Registered Offenders didn't change me, some scars never heal, but I'm sure given time I can be something like my old self!

P!ss off Turkey, daddy's back from prison!

I'm back b!tches! Look at my face! Look at my lovely face! I'm gonna spam up every muppet show thread to celebrate!

I knobbed a girl once who said she was unavailable. It was realistic tho, cos I knobbed her.