Lighthouse

There are laws against taking hostages. He was a decent focal point but he’s not Drogba and didn’t do anything that Downs and Stewart aren’t capable of. Archer maybe not have the same physicality but his movement off the last man is good and his finishing better than Adams. If he does lead the line, we need to be playing the right balls at the right times, not just booting it at him from our own half.

Christ knows what he'd have done to Sugawara.

The idiot isn’t even a talented dancer of any sort. It’s like some guy setting up a YouTube channel called, “Mr Soccer Skills,” then unironically uploading a video of himself doing five keepie uppies and sending it to everyone he knows.

Feels like this fixture has been played on a Tuesday night since the dawn of time, so feels a bit weird having it come up on a weekend. I’d make two changes to the personnel and hopefully one gigantic change to the tactics. Bazunu Mads Stephens THB Jelly Jander Charles Fellows Azaz Fraser Archer

Sadly this does seem to be the case, judging by many of the statements from people I would assume to know a bit more. Poor feller, RIP.

We looked terrible because we were playing like a League 2 team hanging on for a 1-1 draw at Anfield, in injury time of a cup tie. Regardless of the number of defenders, we were just booting it hopefully into their half with no cohension.

Nobody is slating him for playing a back four.

You want people to name an incident that didn’t happen? What was it Maldini said, ‘if I have to make a tackle, I’ve ready f**ked up’?

Strongly disagree on that. He had very little to pass to and was left exposed quite a few times. Pompey played it long down his side a fair bit but I felt like he dealt with most things fairly well. I’d say he was one of the better players, along with Baz, Stephens, Charles and Fraser.

TBH it looked like what it was. A team in transition with a bunch of new players, against a more cohesive unit which was used to playing together in this division. I’d say this was pretty much the worst fixture to have after a frantic end to the transfer window and an international break. I like the team we started with on paper but I’d probably make two changes for the next game; Jander and Jelly for Downes and Manning.

With the money we’ve spent, promotion is a three horse race, with Ipswich and Leicester. If Still is crap we’ll end up fourth but hopefully it won’t come down to that.

It’s still early days but we need to see a big improvement on this. If he doesn’t sort it out soon, we might have to settle for fourth again.

Too many in the space of six minutes, certainly. Three on 60 mins and 2 more on 80 might have been better.

Just a bit. Mine would have sucked up a watermelon had it been positioned appropriately.

Such a typical Armstrong shot. Head down and smash it at a defender because you don’t know what to do with it and you want to look like you’ve had a go and it’s not your fault.

Good subs IMO, albeit 15 minutes too late.

Better. Come on boys.

I get that a lot of people are still obsessed with Russell bloody Martin but love him or hate him, that was the least ‘Russball’ 45 minutes of football I’ve ever seen. Which game are you watching?

Azaz off for Jander IMO, we need someone deeper in midfield to grab the game by the balls.

What a ridiculous thing to get booked for. Pathetic from THB.

Has Manning played football before?

He’s had bugger all to work with on this showing. We’d be better off with Grant Holt, playing like this.

Are both their keepers extras on baywatch?

Stopping play for three minutes is probably Fellows’ best contribution so far, they’re all over us.