Lighthouse

Liverpool fans - we were still 0-0 after 1 minute on Friday. Just saying.

Or the people who recruited him to do just that barely two months ago.

The thing is, you could put Tommy Forecast up front for Celtic and: A) they’d still win the league B) he would probably score 5 goals a season It’s just the difference in class between them and the rest of that League. Moi is just another Rudi Skacel. He’d do a decent job in the Championship or a smaller European league, just not in the pace and physicality of the Prem.

Just like JWP and Stephens, he has come through the youth system and generally been substandard. However a two month 'purple patch' of being adequate has lead the powers that be to believe he is good enough. Will he be one day? Perhaps but right now he is an absolute liability.

Please could you follow this up with a precise, step-by-step guide to all the strategies you've been employing to improve the situation, so that the rest of us can implement them too. I didn't realise there was something I could do to help but now I am dying to know.

A mate text me, "They asked Hassenhuttl for a post match interview and he said, "nein!"" Anyway, I went round to his house with a machete and murdered his whole family. You should have seen the look on his face.

I'm not denying he has been poor but the statement, "The first goal was Gunn's fault," isn't true. It was the whole team, going from our possession on the halfway line to two unchallenged shots against us, in the space of ten seconds.

The first goal was the whole teams fault. Ings had the ball on the halfway line but due to a complete lack of invention from anyone in the team, himself included, he ended up playing a hospital ball straight back to a marked player in our own third. Bertrand gave the ball away (getting himself sent off in the process), then nobody marks anyone properly and despite the 5 at the back that was supposed to cover our defensive frailties, Chilwell is basically unmarked in acres of space on the right. Gunn's mishandling, whilst clearly another poor error, is simply scape-goating a wretched team performance, even at 0-0 with 11 men.

Yeah, because the protests worked a treat against Lowe.

In the last four home league games we've conceded as many as Puel's team scored all season.

May I suggest landmines, worked a treat in my garden.

Interesting. Which method are you using?

There was no stopping Vardes and Maddiniho tonight.

Well, at least it can't get any worse* I'm on a roll tonight.

I'd just like to bump this gem from the build up thread That is all.

Free kick, send the ‘keeper up!

Okay, now it’s funny again, I’m putting it back on.

You’re going to look a mug when we’re 6-5 up and they get an injury time corner.

The thing is, he had this team 10th in the form table, or there about, in the last half a season. We’ve only really lost Austin and Targett from that squad and they contributed naff all. Sorry Ralph, the squad isn’t great but 12 conceded in 2.5 home games is beyond pathetic.

TBF Jozy Altidore would have a hat trick against this lot.

When a daddy goat loves a mummy goat very much, they decide to have a baby. Sometimes mummy goat can love 5 daddy goats, standing in a circle, at the same time.

I switched off after the VAR red, now watching F1 practice and goat porn.

Well, I’m done. Ciao!

The pitch looks waterlogged, nearly caught Valero out there. No wonder the game is sh*t.

Feet up on the sofa with a cold beer and a flatulent dog for me. Fair play to those of you have have braved the traffic, weather and general apathy towards our home form.