TSM Crap Joke Suppository....

[StDunko]

If you were watching crimewatch and found out your best mate was wanted, and the reward was £8,000, where would you go on holiday?

[badgerx16]

Edited 13 February, 2025 by badgerx16

[StDunko]

I was in a record shop and saw a vinyl record of relaxing birdsong, so I bought it.

When I took it home and played it, it was just an annoying incessant buzzing sound, so I took it back to get a refund.

 

The guy at the shop refused to refund me; he said I must have listened to the B-side.

[badgerx16]

Why don't Jewish women drink tea ?

Because it's a HEbrew.

[Whitey Grandad]

A three legged dog goes into a bar and says,

”I’m looking for the man who shot my paw”

[badgerx16]

During WW2 the Japanese recruited a unit of dwarf soldiers. When they charged the enemy they shouted "BONSAI !!!".

[badgerx16]

Our 10 year old grandson's current favourite jokes;

 

Einstein, Heisenberg, Pascal and Newton are playing hide and seek. Einstein covers his eyes and begins counting. While Heisenberg and Pascal run off and hide, Newton takes out some chalk and marks a square on the ground with a side length of exactly 1 metre, then sits down inside the square.

When Einstein is finished counting and sees Newton sitting on the ground, he yells, "Ha, I've found you, Newton!". Newton however replies, "No you haven't! You've found Pascal!

................

Erwin Schrodinger is pulled over by the Police, who ask him if he has anything in the boot.

"A cat" he replies, and the Police go to have a look.

"This cat is dead" a Policeman says.

Schrodinger replies "It is now"

....,..........

Werner Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding.

The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"

The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"

Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"

..................

A chemistry lecturer and a student go into a bar,

The lecturer says to the Batman " I'll have a glas of H2O", takes his drink and looks for a table.

The student says "I'll have a glass of H2O too". His funeral is next week.

Edited 21 March, 2025 by badgerx16

[badgerx16]

Last night I saw an Irish Bhangra band. They are called the Bombay Micks.

[Saint in Paradise]

[Lighthouse]

My friends told me I could never win the World Innuendo Championship, but I knew I had it in me.

[Sevvy]

Do you want to know who loves you more, your wife or your dog,

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Lock them both in the boot and see who's happy to see you when you let them out,

[Sevvy]

Wonder if the receptionist at the sperm bank,

Has ever used the phrase,

"Thanks for coming"

[badgerx16]

A German army joke from the Normandy campaign;

If you look up and see a brown plane, that is the RAF. If you look up and see a silver plane, that is the USAAF. If you look up and there is no plane, that is the Luftwaffe.

Edited 1 July, 2025 by badgerx16

[badgerx16]

A man driving along an Interstate highway is pulled over by a State trooper.

"Sir, were you aware that your wife fell out of your car 5 miles back ?"

"Oh thank goodness. I thought I was going deaf".

[stknowle]

So I was out drinking with the Beachboys. Tight Bastards. None of them would get a round.

[badgerx16]

During WW2 the Nazis organised a unit of fanatical bakers. They were known as the Waffeln SS.

[badgerx16]

Last month, a Catholic priest was killed during a church service. Police are looking for a mass murderer.