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TSM Crap Joke Suppository....


Redbul

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A guy is walking down the street in Minsk, the capital of Belarus very close to the protests when suddenly a police car full of cops pulls up. The cops jump out of the car and start beating up the guy.   
   
The poor guy then yells: "No, please, stop! I voted for Lukashenko!"   
   
One of the cops then responds: "Shut up, liar! No one voted for Lukashenko!"

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Vladimir Putin shows up in one of the Moscow's primary    
schools.  After the welcoming ceremony there is some time    
for the students to ask the President a few questions   
   
Little Sasha stands up and says:   
   
I only have 2 questions:   
   
1. Why did Russia take over the Crimea?   
   
2. What are Russian soldiers doing in Ukraine?   
   
Before Putin was able to say anything the bell suddenly rang, and all the students went for a break.   
   
After the break, when everyone was back, a different student stood up and said:   
   
Dear Mr President, I have only four questions:   
   
1. Why did Russia take over the Crimea?   
   
2. What are Russian soldiers doing in Ukraine?   
   
3. Why did the bell ring 20 minutes early?   
   
4. Where is Sasha?

Edited by badgerx16
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  • 3 weeks later...
5 minutes ago, Tamesaint said:

Is it true that now that Scunthorpe have been relegated from the Football League the only 2 teams whose names contain swear words are Arsenal and Fucking Leeds United?

You forgot Portsmouth. ( I will now go and sanitise my keyboard ).

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  • 3 weeks later...

After my wife left I started drinking and taking drugs. I spiraled into meaningless unprotected sex with multiple prostitutes.

 

I thinks she's going to be mad at me when she gets back from Asda.

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  • 2 weeks later...

A millionaire, a worker, and an immigrant are sitting at a table with 1000 biscuits. The millionaire takes 999 biscuits and then says to the worker "Watch out, that immigrant is after your biscuit".

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2 minutes ago, badgerx16 said:

A millionaire, a worker, and an immigrant are sitting at a table with 1000 biscuits. The millionaire takes 999 biscuits and then says to the worker "Watch out, that immigrant is after your biscuit".

Bloody big table

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  • 2 weeks later...
Which will look the best on my resume?

"Single-handedly analysed and diagnosed the cause of a potentially fatal compromised visibility situation,
 
identified the optimum solution and managed the successful relaunch, upgrade and deployment of new
 
environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents"

OR

I changed a light bulb without falling off the step ladder.
 
 
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