Students urged to urinate in the shower...

[saintbletch]

Dear Aunt Agony Muppet,

 

We're now being told that we could save the planet as well as some cash if, instead of urinating in the loo each morning, we urinate in the shower. But I'm not sure they've though this through.

 

Now, I don't want to put anyone off their mid-afternoon Pot Noodle or anything, but each morning the act for me is, how can I put this delicately, well it normally requires some degree of multi-tasking.

 

Let's just say that I hear "splash", "crackle" and "PLOP" most mornings.

 

When Mr Micturate knocks the door, he's usually accompanied by a darker friend.

 

I think you know what I'm saying.

 

So if I followed the advice of these green-students to the letter, Mrs Bletch would think I was carrying out an IRA dirty protest.

 

So Aunt Agony Muppet, I'm keen to do my bit for the environment, but don't want to get a "messy" divorce.

 

What can I do?

 

Bletch.

[Tokyo-Saint]

Does this always happen B or is it just in the mornings? I mean, if you go out for a few beers on a Friday, do you have to take a roll of Andrex with you? just in case?

[Bearsy]

I'm usually pretty tolerant of enviro-mentalists, and even students, but they're really starting to take the piss

[saintbletch]

Does this always happen B or is it just in the mornings? I mean, if you go out for a few beers on a Friday, do you have to take a roll of Andrex with you? just in case?

 

Good question Toke. Just the mornings.

 

I know you've got one of those undercarriage piercings so that you have to sit down to have a lady wee, so how do you get on?

[Bearsy]

When Mr Micturate knocks the door, he's usually accompanied by a darker friend.

 

I think you know what I'm saying.

 

#myrapestory

[The9]

A mate's daughter is a student at this uni. She has confirmed the story is true. She isn't the type to produce photographic evidence, however.

[Lorne Malvo]

I've been saving water for years it seems.

[Bearsy]

what people do at my work to save water is they use the toilet but they don't bother flushing

[Tokyo-Saint]

Does it work in reverse B? You know, having a wash in the toilet. If so, going green had a negative effect on my dating history.

[Bearsy]

i dunno but i have heard that if you piss on jellyfish it takes all ur pain away. They should use them in hospitals instead of morphine. Quite how jellyfish feel about it, I don't know - I imagine they're not keen?

[Jonnyboy]

How about not having 2 showers a day you freaks!

[Lorne Malvo]

i dunno but i have heard that if you piQuite how jellyfish feel about it, I don't know - I imagine they're not keen?

 

Probably throw a wobbly over it.

[Bearsy]

How about not having 2 showers a day you freaks!

 

lol yeah the aspect of students only showering once a week had quite passed me by, but ur right to point it out. It rather renders the whole thing moot!

[Tokyo-Saint]

Do you have to shit both times Jonny?

[Tokyo-Saint]

Probably throw a wobbly over it.

 

I wouldn't worry about it, they are spineless anyway.

[Bearsy]

Do you have to shit both times Jonny?

 

You seem hung up on the fact that bletch can't take a piss without shitting himself. Ur acting like it's news, but for my part I had always suspected as much.

[saintbletch]

#myrapestory

 

I feel your pain, Bear. Did Toke pierce you too?

 

 

 

One of his other victims gave a description to the police and said that he's so full of piercings and metal "down there"...

 

 

 

 

...that he pisses like a lawn sprinkler.

 

 

 

 

When talking to the police afterwards, she described her metal-adorned attacker as being half Japanese and half robot.

 

This is what the police artist put together:

 

 

 

Oh, and before the attack he asked her if she had been spade, and then he took her to a modified dog kennel that he keeps under his house.

 

Police are on the lookout for a Scotchman who goes around picking up "females" by rhetorically asking them "Who's a good girl, eh? Your are. Yess you are. Yess you are. You good girl. Sit!"

[saintbletch]

You seem hung up on the fact that bletch can't take a piss without shitting himself. Ur acting like it's news, but for my part I had always suspected as much.

 

Wait until you reach a certain age, Bear.

 

You'll stop mocking our stretched sphincters when you've joined the club.

[saintbletch]

I've been saving water for years it seems.

 

By shitting in the bath?

 

Aces!

[Tokyo-Saint]

I peed in the sea while on holiday recently. I did feel a bit bad but was miles out and didn't think I would make it back to land in time + fish and welsh people do it. Then again, I hate it when people spit when swimming. This is a confusing issue for me. I suspect most people have done it at some time or other but few would pee off the pier.

[Bearsy]

I give tokyos story that he swam "miles out" to sea before urinating, little credence. More likely he fizzed one down the water-chute at alton towers

[Tokyo-Saint]

nah serious, I did. Firstly I started swimming from the end of the pier so already pretty far out and was swimming for a bit. That Olympic swimmer with the chip on her shoulder said all Olympians pee in all pools each morning before they open for the public. I am dead against this and all pool peeing.

 

btw - did you get the child porn you wanted?

[Whitey Grandad]

I peed in the sea while on holiday recently. I did feel a bit bad but was miles out and didn't think I would make it back to land in time + fish and welsh people do it. Then again, I hate it when people spit when swimming. This is a confusing issue for me. I suspect most people have done it at some time or other but few would pee off the pier.

 

How is the bilharzia these days?

[Bearsy]

yeha tks bbit busdwy atmo ment talk llahyer

[Lorne Malvo]

The Russians know how:

 

[Bearsy]

translation pls

 

is this a no door-lock situation, or some kind of russian sport?

[Lorne Malvo]

not sure, but then again i'm not sure how he has poo on his face when he falls.

[SNSUN]

[SNSUN]

The Russians know how:

 

 

fukking Oscar Pistorius is at it again...

[Goatboy]

I've put my front door on the latch. (That's not a euphemism).

When will the students be arriving?

[pap]

I loved the fact that these boys and girls ostensibly think they invented peeing in the shower.

[CB Saint]

I tried this today. The missus got the hump though. For some reason I should wait until she finishes. WTF?

[LVSaint]

I tried this today. The missus got the hump though. For some reason I should wait until she finishes. WTF?

 

Maybe she was waiting for a golden bath instead?

[Special K]

When I was a student I used to save water by ****ing in the sink. I was a better class of student though as I took the dishes out first.

[SNSUN]

I tried this today. The missus got the hump though. For some reason I should wait until she finishes. WTF?

 

Peeing in the dishwasher? It's an epidemic.

[Wurzel]

I peed in the sea while on holiday recently. I did feel a bit bad but was miles out and didn't think I would make it back to land in time + fish and welsh people do it. Then again, I hate it when people spit when swimming. This is a confusing issue for me. I suspect most people have done it at some time or other but few would pee off the pier.

 

Those are fine morals Tokes, spitting is far worse than peeing. Any contact wearer will tell you that there are times your lens is either dirty and/or dry and needs a bit of added "moisture", which might not be readily available from the usual sources. As my optician - a very conservative looking woman in, I would guess, her mid sixties - once said to me " Never ever take the lens out and spit on it, spit contains so many germs you risk an eye infection. You'd be better off ****ing on it, at least thatt's sterile". I was unsure if she meant whilst the lens was in or out of the eye, she declined my request for a demonstration but I did gain a free bottle of wetting solution.

 

As for the shower, doesn't everyone? But only whilst taking a shower, I wouldn't go in there specifically to have a **** (unless there was a queue)

[sadoldgit]

I thought students p*ssed everywhere bar the loo so surely this will not be a problem?

[Whitey Grandad]

I thought students p*ssed everywhere bar the loo so surely this will not be a problem?

 

Exactly. Even when standing over the toilet pan most men manage to miss it.

[tpbury]

Well, I did time at UEA and can guarantee that spunk is the major cause of blocked pipes there. I **** whenever I have a shower - it's autosomatic.

[saintbletch]

An interesting response to this thread, and I've learned a lot about my fellow posters' morning habits.

 

Who'd have thought that Wurzel would have a fetish for using veteran, female opthalmist urine in the stead of his favourite "wetting solution"? I think I've seen that film by the way, Wurzel. "Golden Girls' Golden Showers" wasn't it?

 

And who'd have believed that Whitey makes a habit of following men into (presumably) public conveniences, where he covertly watches their bladders leak so that he might collate sufficient data to be able to confidently make the claim that most men miss?

 

But Muppets, you've made a leper of me. I'm left looking like the only Muppet in TMS that has to fire the machine gun whilst dropping bombs on Dresden.

 

Just me?

[saintbletch]

The Russians know how:

 

 

If this is the solution, what on earth was the problem?

[pap]

Bletch, I am a little confused with your "number threes" situation. While I often multi task myself, the equation isn't constantly 1 + 2 = 3. This is largely because I have more beverages in a day than meals. Please explain.

[saintbletch]

Bletch, I am a little confused with your "number threes" situation. While I often multi task myself, the equation isn't constantly 1 + 2 = 3. This is largely because I have more beverages in a day than meals. Please explain.

 

No pap, as I tried to make clear to Toke, it's only the first of that day that "usually" sees me having a "brown piss".

 

But as I shower in the morning, this advice from UEA has left me conflicted; I'm desperate to look after the planet, but not at risk of leaving a Balti Stench in the bath.

[tpbury]

Simple plan - 5 hit on the toilet and pis5 in the shower. As we have the greatest minds of TMS here - can anyone reveal the word which means blinking?

[Wurzel]

On a not unrelated subject, is there anything more scary than getting up for a **** in the middle of the night, leaving the light off so as not to wake anyone, starting the steady stream and NOT hearing that oh so familiar tinkling splashing sound? You know it's landing somewhere but no idea where. The only clue is whether you're feet are getting wet or not. Do you need to go up? down? left? right? What's the best technique for getting yourself back "on target"? I favour the spiral approach but this can quickly get out of control if the target isn't located quickly.

[pap]

No pap, as I tried to make clear to Toke, it's only the first of that day that "usually" sees me having a "brown piss".

 

But as I shower in the morning, this advice from UEA has left me conflicted; I'm desperate to look after the planet, but not at risk of leaving a Balti Stench in the bath.

I often claim, much to my daughters' collective disgust, that there is "no need" to wipe your arse if one is transitioning directly from bog to bath.

[pap]

On a not unrelated subject, is there anything more scary than getting up for a **** in the middle of the night, leaving the light off so as not to wake anyone, starting the steady stream and NOT hearing that oh so familiar tinkling splashing sound? You know it's landing somewhere but no idea where. The only clue is whether you're feet are getting wet or not. Do you need to go up? down? left? right? What's the best technique for getting yourself back "on target"? I favour the spiral approach but this can quickly get out of control if the target isn't located quickly.

Did this last night at my old dears house. Sort of thing you clean up immediately if you don't want a shoe in your head.

[saintbletch]

I often claim, much to my daughters' collective disgust, that there is "no need" to wipe your arse if one is transitioning directly from bog to bath.

 

OK pap, two questions immediately present themselves:

 

1) Are you a flannel or sponge man?

 

2) When you have guests, do you have guest flannels or guest sponges?

 

Oh and BTW, the wife and I can no longer make it next weekend. I know we'd planned to stay over, but something's come up.

[Goatboy]

I once wiped my arse with a £10 note.

I was very, very drunk.

[saintbletch]

On a not unrelated subject, is there anything more scary than getting up for a **** in the middle of the night, leaving the light off so as not to wake anyone, starting the steady stream and NOT hearing that oh so familiar tinkling splashing sound? You know it's landing somewhere but no idea where. The only clue is whether you're feet are getting wet or not. Do you need to go up? down? left? right? What's the best technique for getting yourself back "on target"? I favour the spiral approach but this can quickly get out of control if the target isn't located quickly.

 

Yeah, so true Wurzel.

 

I often channel the voice of Hughie Green and the dexterity of Bernie the Bolt in such situations.

 

My best mate growing up was born on the "wrong side of the tracks" according to my Dad, and as a result of that (and a couple of court appearances) my Dad didn't like my mate.

 

My mate was a fairly sensitive type and so for years he'd avoid coming to my place if my Dad was in. Anyway, one night, I think it might have been my 18th, we got pretty wasted and so my mate stayed over. I got woken at about 4am to the sound of a commotion, so I turned on the bedroom light to see my mate sitting on the end of his bed with his knees against his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around his legs. He was swaying back and forth looking pretty sorry for himself.

 

He looked in a bad way so I asked him if he was alright. He said he was so I turned the light off and went back to sleep.

 

In the morning it turned out that my mate had pissed on the landing outside my Mum and Dad's bedroom door. My Dad woke up mid-stream and went mental.

 

He never did forgive him.