Whitey Grandad

HUSBAND'S TEXT MESSAGE: Darling, a car hit me whilst crossing the road outside the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. The Doctors have been making tests and taking X-rays The blow to my head has been very strong but, fortunately, it seems that it did not cause any permanent brain damage. But I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate my right foot. WIFE'S RESPONSE: Who is Paula?

There's something about this whole search area thing that raises my suspicions. They all seem so certain that it's down there but the Inmarsat indications are very approximate to say the least. To have actually found any of these pings by chance would seem to me to be miraculous so I wouldn't be at all surprised by what you say. The important thing is that we do eventually get some answers.

That's not the point. What the F*ck are you doing in the kitchen anyway?

If they don't show up in mirrors then in my experience zombies or vampires are usually involved somewhere, sometimes both.

If a man says he's going to do something then there's no need to remind him every six months. Female logic (there is no such thing) is different to a man's. They can never give a straight answer to a straight question, you have to have a full story of the thought processes involved first.

I've met him: I couldn't possibly comment

Bad hip, last week.

Simple. You borrow to pay off the debt

I've just finished watching it. Nothing much that we haven't already discussed. International protocols wasted a lot of time in the early phases and that ground radar only covered a limited amount if airspace. Any military intel would not be publicly admitted, that surveillance resources are expensive and have to be specifically targeted to be of any use. The Inmarsat calculations were compared with 6 other aircraft that were flying at the same time. None of the wilder theories was discussed. Then talk about what the future might hold with any new developments being driven more by the demand for greater connectivity for the passengers than aircraft safety. Talk of continuous reporting from the onboard systems and some Japanese research into total remote control. An admission that the cockpit voice recorder probably won't reveal anything, if found. It confirms what we already knew, that this situation is unprecedented and unprepared for and that the aviation world will be revamped for the future. The one question that lingers for me is why the aircraft made that last, final sudden turn towards the south. It seemed to be under onboard control until then.

There's a programme about it at the moment on the Discovery Channel.

Which stand shall we name after him?

Maybe He didn't move the star, maybe He moved the earth! There! You hadn't thought of that, had you?

One day we'll be able to afford two rails.

I don't know the details but is a match at Anfield involved? They can't have both at home on the same day.

I'd do the job for a modest salary and a weekly supply of freshly-washed virgins.

Yes. The draw is tomorrow.

They hadn't paid for them.

Ooh, you're harsh.

No, we need him.

Yes, this. I was there that night too. I was also at another derby there when the police kept us back after the game. An old white-haired man like me in neutral clothing was kept locked up for an hour. When I eventually got out a robocop officer said "We are going to the station". I said "I'm not" so he said "Off you got then good luck!". Nobody took any notice of an old man like me but there had obviously been street fights everywhere, and this was without any Saints' fans present. If they'd let me get out with the rest of the main crowd I could have blended in. Keeping all of us behind just made it obvious to the locals who was a Saints and who wasn't.

Me too. I have a soft spot for them.

I see your team are doing rather well at the moment...

Who knows? It's entirely possible and if it was US military then they're hardly going to confirm or deny it. The 737-600 only has a maximum range of 3225 miles though, that might be enough to get there from Iraq.

I'm sure they saw something but it wasn't MH370 unless it had landed and refuelled and it was flying in completely the wrong direction.

They said it had a red stripe. Aren't these KC135s? They're serviced at Mildenhall.