Crab Lungs

Lmfao. So many people deluded. It’s 8th at best, maybe with a decent CB but we will leak if we don’t.

Nailed it.

A professional sports company turning over hundreds of millions of pounds comes up with this Christ I hope it’s not legit.

This.

This podcast is the perfect little "time-filler" for anyone who supports Saints and has, say... a long commute to and from work, like myself. Many a weary drive home I am interspersed with the analytical musings of messrs Grant and Leitch, and their dolcet tones serenade me down the A3 as I wistfully, joyfully amble my way through Guildford at 15mph at six o'clock in the evening. Sometimes, people stare at me - but I don't care. I really don't. I've got the disembodied voice of Steve Grant chuntering into my lugs, they haven't. That said, sometimes, I've inadvertently shared Steve Grant with others. I didn't mean to, I wanted him to be all mine - but I just let it slip one day. One, fateful, day... not too long ago. I'll set the scene. The sun was beating down on the tarmac outside. It was fast approaching lunch time but with the weather so hot, we retreated inside. The temperature was cooler in the warehouse - little did I know it was about soar, quite dramatically. Being unable to finish to podcast during my normal drive to work, I decided to stream it through the multimedia at work; roughly speaking, it meant Granty's smooth ruminations echoed between three warehouses, appproximately 7,500 sq/ft. And not only could I hear it in surround sound, but my neighbours could too. And my customers. I was just listening to a brief diatribe on recent form, when I was abruptly interrupted by a customer. Thinking it was because of the podcast, I turned it down low. "No, no" she said, grabbing my arm. "Turn it on again, like that guy turns me on" she purred. Awkwardly fiddling with the remote, I slowly brought TSP back. The word "Hassenhuttl" rolled off the walls and back down into vacuous warehouse. It lapped over the customer like a sexually-charged germanic wave and I could see her quivering and becoming unsteady. I offered her a drink of water, not sure if I should be the one embarassed - or whether it should be her. "Who was that talking just then?" she asked, her cheeks now a clear shade of carmine. She was flustered and unsteady, and now leaning on the counter-top edging closer and locking eyes with me. It was uncomfortable, as I wiedling a 6-pack of gorilla glue at the time. "Adam Leitch?" I proffered. "No, the other one. The other one!" My mind raced. My heart thumped. "Er, er.... Steven.... Grant?" "Him!" she cooed menacingly. "Wind that back! Now!" She was demanding and, don't get me wrong - most of us like an assertive woman but she was insistent. This three grand take-away-today kitchen sale had turned into fifty shades of Steve Grant and before me, stood me a forty-something Anastasia Steele from Cobham. Over the waves however, was the Christian Grey of podcasting. I was made to replay a segment when Grant slurps out a sentence on Obafemi. At first, I couldn't understand why. It was a sentence like no other, I thought. After the fifteenth time, it made sense. It was enigmatic, it was insightful, it was... sexually charged. The words bobbed over us, the sounds interlaced and entwined with meaning and significance and what we all crave in a human... sincerity. The heat was rising. Our breathing became shallow and excitable. If she wasn't feeling a twinge, I most definitely was. Kitchen? What kitchen? We both collapsed in a heap on the dusty, warehouse floor. She was leaning against the integrated handle display. Me, on the other hand, inside a trug bucket surround by mastic. The whole experience was confusing yet exhilerating. Exciting, yet completely inappropriate for the workplace... but we didn't care. Because we had Granty in our lugs. And Granty gives eargasms. PS: What I really want to know is... Adam, has Granty cracked onto Lucy yet?

Can we realistically get a player of Boufal's ability for £9m this late in the window? No. We've got a perfectly good player who has underperformed for us but now might do so under the right tutelage. Worth a shot IMO. We're better putting our resources into finding a commanding CB, or we'll be leaking goals as fast as we score them. Again.

Lemina is a sh1t Pogba but apart from Hoedt, don’t think there’s any real bad eggs. lol how Bertrand gets a load of stick on here for not smiling. And apparently a bad captain cos he team weren’t performing at the time.

Knew this would happen. Watch someone like Norwich swoop in for 14m now

We 'compete' in the most lucrative division in the entire world. While techincally you're correct that Zulte-Waregem won't be spending 14m any time soon the EPL is a law unto itself with regards to money sloshing about. We've won the net spend league how many times now? Even Bournemouth can somehow outspend us. 14m for one of the top scorers in the division below who is a 22 year old English centre forward is incredible value, if that's the price we're baulking at. In fact, it's more of an inexpensive punt. If it works out, his re-sell value would be incredible. If it doesn't, we'd likely be able to recoup most of the fee from someone else. It's an absolute no brainer. It's only 'expensive' because of the absolute turd we've brought in in recent seasons.

14m is nothing in todays terms. From what I've seen of him, he'd be a real asset to us - we should just get it over the line instead of p1ssing about. Which we probably won't.

10 mil for a player of his calibre with 2 years remaining? Fkkin stupid if true

Haha, I remember that. Souness didn't even do anything wrong - and that's where we're at now in society. I'd watched women's football before out of curiosity but the WC in Canada was actually something I watched alot of. It was a nice balance of exposure for me. I've actually been completely put off it now, it genuinely feels like an unrelenting, neverending wave of pro-feminine propaganda.

He's a weird one, like adriansfc.

First time I bothered watching it last night. It's a complete load of t0ss, frankly. The strange fawning by Pearce was making my skin crawl. I noticed how he'd almost sound critical, then cover it over with how she was a 'leader' or was this or that. You can imagine him being the sort of person who would switch to a winning side... very weasly. The football was utter g4sh and to see grown up blokes in wigs, facepaint etc was, er, strange. Fair enough, if it makes them happy let them get on with their WC but the 5 minute long adverts, constantly over-pumped articles and a thinly disguised anti-male agenda is nauseating and worrying for the future. Let's be serious and recognise it for what it is; a substandard but fairly harmless event given far too much attention than it deserves because the over-sensitive, snowflake media.

I wouldn't bother trying to reason with him, he's head-mental when it comes to assessing players abilities.

Sadly my mum isn’t a celebrity so I think that bet would be void in the sweepstake. I think that’s enough for me on here, I think. A few funny posters, few good ones but waaaaay too many self-righteous weirdos and snowflakes these days. And utterly clueless, never-kicked-a-football helmets who seem to know everything about the game. I’m glad I’m off social media but it appears the same type of persons have permeated even the forums. Anyway, Gascoignes had enough chances but he clearly doesn’t or cannot help himself. Pointless trying.

From Berkshire, was prob on their books and most likely a ball boy once. But yeah, devil incarnate.

Ouch. Tough stuff on the interwebs.

Why are people offended by this? F()kking weirdos.

Everyone offended by everything.

Blimey some great shouts on here!

With all the sh1te reality TV crap churning out 21st century celebs on a daily basis, what or who do you regard as true British institutions? Genuinely talented celebs these days? I’ll kick us off. Brian Blessed and Stephen Fry. Throw in Roman Atkinson too.

He’s the sort of player we’d spend 16m on. Pointlessly.

Great little player, solid. Would like us to keep hold of him

Forster was always awful, full stop. Nothing to do with bizarre keeper opinions at all. The groundswell of opinion changed on here when it suddenly dawned that after his protection was lifted, he was a massive liability. McCarthy's hardly been given a season to establish himself but in general, has been fairly solid given a couple of 'could do better' moments. Gunn on the other hand, hasn't been that much of an upgrade, if at all. Apparently, he suits RH's style of play and being young, according to people on here he's guaranteed to improve. The truth is, he's not suddenly going to to turn into Ederson. Call me old fashioned, but I'd prefer my keepers to be proficient at handling and saving shots, not spraying 70 yard crossfield balls.