Dark Munster

He could be our best striker, provided he can stay out of the treatment room for the remaining 5 matches.

I don't think it's for the few's benefit he's making these desperate excuses, but rather at a certain loan shark owner. If he gets an invitation to visit Hong Kong in the next few weeks he would be well advised to politely decline.

I have a maths PhD, does that count? Anyway, as pedg noted, the Cheats can only catch Leeds in the playoff places, and that's provided they win their remaining matches and Leeds only pick up 1 more point (assuming Leeds maintain their massive goal difference advantage). Of course, the Cheats also need the 7 teams between them and Leeds to only pick up at most a handful of points between them. If I were a loan shark owner whose seen my millions squandered in a futile gamble to get back to the Sky money league, I would now be starting to mix the concrete boots for those responsible, and preparing plan B for the club (which I suspect the few aren't going to enjoy). So not quite time to dance on the Cheats' grave yet, but it is time to put the bubbly on ice.

Don't bet on them doing that!

Gave me goosebumps seeing it again.

We're doing really well, thanks for your concern. I'd say sorry about your plight, but I'd be a hypocrite if I did. Do you have a black suit for the upcoming funeral?

We didn't say your lot were expecting the playoffs, but you need the playoffs (promotion, actually). It's a case of promotion or bust, with the emphasis now very much on the latter. I'm sure you've read rallyboy's full explanation of why.

In fairness he does have a loan shark breathing down his neck.

Indeed, it's like a pantomime without its villain.

Well, sadly a bad night for both the south coast clubs. Saints suffer a hiccough, 2-0 loss away, but remain in the automatic promotion spot, still with a game in hand. Unfortunately for the Cheats, their 3-0 home defeat and the 6th spot now virtually an impossible dream, this is surely the stake in the heart that finally kills the beast.

Even with Cortese as Chairman?

http://www.sportinglife.com/football/cc_championship/portsmouth/news/story_get.cgi?STORY_NAME=soccer/11/04/09/SOCCER_Portsmouth_2nd_Nightlead.html&TEAMHD=portsmouth&DIV=nat1&TEAM=PORTSMOUTH&RH=Portsmouth&PREV_SEASON=&BID=3533 Stevie-Boy disagrees. After whinging about a disallowed goal, he comes up with these gems: "Before the game I would have thought we needed six out of seven wins, or five wins and a draw and we'd be allowed one more defeat. "So nothing really changes. We are capable of going on those runs because we have done it twice this season. We just need it once more. "But really this season is amazing. We're sat here with 40 games on the board and I'm still being asked about the play-offs. I think it has been a marvellous achievement by everybody at the football club." Atta boy Steve! Keeping the few's hopes up, prolonging their agony. Although I suspect his remarks are more directed at Chinny, who is probably fuming that his expensively assembled squad isn't going to give him the return on his investment, as Stevie-Boy and Lumpitt probably promised him at the beginning of the season. What is again that loan sharks do to you if you squander their money and can't repay?

Ready for the playoffs, maybe?

If you think the hope is killing us, how about the blue few down the road? I can't imagine the agony they are going through at the moment, knowing that if they don't go up their loan shark owner will probably pull the plug, and their club could well fold. Even though they've cheated left, right and centre, and are a cesspit of a club with the morals of an alley cat, in a way you do have to feel sorry for them. NOT.

I agree. Getting rid of Luggy (1.3 points per game) and replacing him with that buffoon Wigley was a disastrous mistake.

See, I warned you.

Don't forget their wild card: promotion. They're not mathematically out of it yet, so some exciting games remain for the Cheats. With the very existence of the club probably hinging on promotion, you can't say it's going to be boring for the few for the next month or so. More like the ultimate squeaky bum time. Still keeping my fingers crossed that Stevie boy's "paper thin" squad can keep the few's hopes alive for as long as possible.

Careful, you might wake Dalek up.

Possibly. If Plymouth go bust before the end of the season, and all their results are expunged, then Brighton will lose 6 points (and Saints will lose none). That, coupled with a Saints win at the Withdean, would make it interesting. Otherwise, no.

But not necessarily a full refund? Perhaps they consider 1p in the pound as a refund.

It's just like the fun kid's game of pass the parcel. Except that this parcel is full of shit.

I remember Man City's last ever game at Maine Rd was against the Saints. They had nothing else to play for and duly rolled over (1-0 to the Saints).

I think this could well be close to the mark why that's true ....

Don't forget an extra 3 point deduction for each team for fielding ineligible players.

I think that sums it up rather nicely.