Danbert

Clearly a massive club, and a huge step up for Koeman: http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/everton-want-maarten-stekelenburg-koeman-11533624

"It is over three years since the Fans took over Portsmouth Community Football Club. The name indicates how important it is to us and to the wider football world." The grandeur of their pompous self-eulogising delusion knows no bounds. Nobody gives a flying **** about your lousy tinpot little outfit you bunch of inbred halfwits.

Get this, the reason they didn't get promoted last time round, was that too many of the players were used to playing at a higher level, which made League 2 tricky for them: http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/sport/football/pompey/adam-barton-pompey-better-placed-for-promotion-this-time-1-7439209

Getting a player who's already settled at a club to sign an extension upping his wage is one thing, getting a manager with no connection to the club to sign a contract in the middle of a tournament that is the focus of two years of his working life, is quite another.

http://sportwitness.co.uk/southampton-stoke-make-concrete-offer-ligue-1-youngster/

The key to Pompey rising again is, apparently, passion. Passion and 1000 mile round trips. That's the magic formula. Oh, and passion. Nothing to do with finances, planning, and infrastructure. No Sir, not worth a mention.

They've given a two-year contract to a 33-year-old who did a decent job in League 1 a couple of seasons back: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Baker Apparently all based on the fact that Cook knows him from his time in the Conference with Southport.

Nice index of relative club bigness: http://www.gillingham.vitalfootball.co.uk/article.asp?a=449585 Funny that the most massivest club on the South Coast, or indeed the planet, are languishing so low in the rankings even over a 50 year timescale.

So this... who gives a flying **** about anything else

And that's without him mentioning the "trivial" stuff

5 million is a lot if you ask me, especially given he's only got 1 year left. How much do managers usually go for?

I was waiting for someone to mention Frannie. I remember watching him once against QPR when he spent the entire game kicking lumps out of Les Ferdinand. Les was clean through at one point, but having Frannie bearing down on him like a psychopathic ferret was enough to put him completely off the chance and sky it into row z. We still lost mind, no thanks to Dave Beasant.

The perfect new job for Champagne Ian, I think it's about his level: Portsmouth FC vacancy for bar and cellar manager Wasn't there something about him resigning if they didn't get promoted, or was that just my addled brain.

http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/sport/football/pompey/catlin-transfer-listed-trio-may-still-have-pompey-future-1-7406575? I guess this means that they're not really good enough even for Pompey, but no-one else wants to pay them the wages they're currently on, still less a transfer fee, (they probably haven't had a single inquiry) so the blue few are stuck with them. Great way to motivate your players.

Massive lol

More fool Palace: https://www.theguardian.com/football/2016/may/27/crystal-palace-steven-caulker-qpr-england-defender

???

They do this thing every single season where they basically rip the squad apart and start again, and, guess what, next season will be no exception. They now have one striker on their books, all their goalies have been borrowed, knackered, crap or all three of the above, they've transfer listed two midfielders, are haggling with a 35-year-old right back and with Webster going they're also a center back down. I'm sure there are more holes in their squad that I've missed, but just replacing these players means finding half a new starting 11.

Apparently they can't afford to resign two of the out of contract donkeys who played for them last season. That really doesn't bode well. http://www.bbc.com/sport/football/36367676

Allen's postmodern phase: "The tannoy announcer marked the historic occasion by dancing none too daintily on my desk. Thankfully, the neighbouring laptop’s well-being was preserved, even if it was already receiving a finger bashing by way of frantic re-writing. Morecambe still hurts." http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/sport/football/pompey/the-freak-moment-so-costly-to-pompey-s-promotion-dream-1-7393241

You have to fight the gibberish, but I think this means they've just flogged Webster for half a million to Ipswich. http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/sport/football/pompey/why-webster-s-pompey-exit-makes-sense-1-7393935?

Hmmm.... So another summer, another complete squad revamp. Looks like they're planning to pay transfer fees again this time round, (as pretty much the only club in League 2). What could possibly go wrong? http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/sport/football/pompey/pompey-chairman-we-will-back-cook-recruitment-drive-1-7387659?

Our net spend is (supposedly) the second lowest in the league. Also, there is no correlation between transfer spend and league position. https://www.theguardian.com/football/2016/may/18/tottenham-only-premier-league-club-to-make-transfer-profit-in-past-year

23-year old Kai Naismith was Cook's second signing after taking over. Naismith signed a 3 and a half year contract in May 2015 after joining from Accrington Stanley for an undisclosed fee. This is what he had to say back then: "Delighted to have signed for @officialpompey A massive club with a great history I hope I can be involved in taking them back in the right direction. Can't wait to play at fratton park infront [sic] of the fans." Now he's been transfer listed along with Matt Tubbs who, if memory serves, was poached at vast expense from League 1. These are two players who they evidently felt were it special and were worth investing that bit extra in. Ouch

Completely agree