Tokyo-Saint Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 I just read the top paragraph and weaseled it to the mods. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 tokyos genitals is difficult to capture using conventional photography. Like tachyons, we only theorise existence of tokyos genitals by observing the effect they have on other particles, like the small yellow stain they is leave on the inside of his crusted underpants. +1 reps as this amused me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 i dunno how i would feel bout taking on someone else's kids, spudders. I've been thinking bout it, and i don't know if i would be up for it. The main benefit of having kids i would think is that you get to fuck them up and make them believe all the dumb things you believe. I would be worry bout all the best damage is already done in this regards. On the other hand i spose it's less emotions if you don't have to worry bout them playing with knives or whatever. I'm not gonna lie and make out the thought of raising other peoples kids is something I'm totally OK with, but if I wanna be with my almost 40 year old divorced sex addict girlfriend, her kids come as part of the deal yo!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 yeah i getcha i would put up with lot of stuff if girlfriend is filth. I was gonna make impertinent enquiries bout ages of children + if any of them is hot big-boob teenager but prob best to leave that whole issue sub-text. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 I'm not gonna lie and make out the thought of raising other peoples kids is something I'm totally OK with, but if I wanna be with my almost 40 year old divorced sex addict girlfriend, her kids come as part of the deal yo!!!! yeah i getcha i would put up with lot of stuff if girlfriend is filth. I was gonna make impertinent enquiries bout ages of children + if any of them is hot big-boob teenager but prob best to leave that whole issue sub-text. redtube has lots of stories of 40 something blokes having relationship with hot, nearly 40 year old, sex addict mother and their big boobed, young but legal daughter(s). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 i like to think of them as documentary. Bird i used to work with dumped her boyfriend cos he slept with her mum(!). I dunno if i was more surprised that that sort of thing genuine happens, or that she was going round telling people bout it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buctootim Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 I'm not gonna lie and make out the thought of raising other peoples kids is something I'm totally OK with, but if I wanna be with my almost 40 year old divorced sex addict girlfriend, her kids come as part of the deal yo!!!! You do know the sex addict part is a cynical temporary act designed to lure in a well paid financial services bod who would otherwise shy away from the whole thing due to the kids? This time next year you'll be be commuting to London for the money and buffing the bishop on a Saturday night.... ...maybe. Im sure she's not really like that tho.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 You do know the sex addict part is a cynical temporary act designed to lure in a well paid financial services bod who would otherwise shy away from the whole thing due to the kids? This time next year you'll be be commuting to London for the money and buffing the bishop on a Saturday night.... ...maybe. Im sure she's not really like that tho.... You are probably right Tim. But I am unemployed homeless bod at the moment, so who's laughing now huh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 is there anything good on tv spudders? I used to sky+ Countdown cos i was never home early enough to crack one off to Rachel Riley, but lately i noticed she is tone down the spank factor in her choice of wardrobe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 Have you been tempted to check your PPI or cash your gold yet spudders? If I am ever off work I am always temped to do this, take out a payday loan and pay it back when I get my money through from injury lawyers for you. They are only interested in the side of the story that matters, yours! I think one of them used to be in the Bill thou so have a couple of reservations. Those Wonga grannies don't **** around when it comes to repayment day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buctootim Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 You are probably right Tim. But I am unemployed homeless bod at the moment, so who's laughing now huh You'll be fine, Im just transposing my ex on to your missus in a rueful jibe. Happiness, who needs it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notnowcato Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 is there anything good on tv spudders? I used to sky+ Countdown cos i was never home early enough to crack one off to Rachel Riley, but lately i noticed she is tone down the spank factor in her choice of wardrobe. You'd think Channel 4 would have a Crack One Off channel, they seem to have every other angle covered +1, 7days (or whatever). They could show endless loops of Riley / Vordamen / Whitely in suitable crack off attire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 yeah i sometimes wonder why they don't do whole tv shows designed specifically for cracking off, except with deniability so you can say you watch it for storylines. A bit like hollyoaks i spose but they could do better with more upskirt type angles + close ups on boobs. But then it occurred to me that i would only watch show for 3 minutes, and would never make it past advertising break. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 yeah i sometimes wonder why they don't do whole tv shows designed specifically for cracking off, except with deniability so you can say you watch it for storylines. A bit like hollyoaks i spose but they could do better with more upskirt type angles + close ups on boobs. But then it occurred to me that i would only watch show for 3 minutes, and would never make it past advertising break. Naked News used to do it for me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buctootim Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 Naked News used to do it for me Is that a programme or a tv viewing habit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 Is that a programme or a tv viewing habit? Both, simultaneously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 yeah i sometimes wonder why they don't do whole tv shows designed specifically for cracking off, except with deniability so you can say you watch it for storylines. A bit like hollyoaks i spose but they could do better with more upskirt type angles + close ups on boobs. But then it occurred to me that i would only watch show for 3 minutes, and would never make it past advertising break. OK, so they change the format of the show and have upskirt highlights of Vordaman/Riley for 2m45s, then they switch to 5 min highlights of Anne Widecombe from Strictly/MP Penny from Splash/Anne Robinson from the Weakest Link to cool you down, ad 2 mins adverts and then back to the Vordaman/Riley Crack fest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 Dear Bear So, Tiger was sublime for the first four holes today. At that point he was 3 under. Unfortunately, at my age I didn't have any more chicks ready for him. Pretty poor performance I know, this is elite sport after all. Perhaps I should have done a saliva test or something first. So anyway after that things kind of fell apart he kept slopping it into the water, he was taking 7 goes to try and get it in on some holes. Just sloppy. I DO have pics but Tinypics is under maintenance at the moment so can't upload will try tomorrow. Things did pick up at the end of the day, couple of newbie fittehs at the Media Centre told me their boss would fire them if they didn't get Tiger. I was like meh. No you don't understand if we don't HAVE Tiger we are in real trouble... God bless them, they really couldn't work out why the rest of the media were in a heap ROFL'ing Pic will come tomorrow. Mrs D_P is just trying to get the Cardiac Arrest Emergency team out of my bedroom. Strangely she is quite bouncy this evening keeps on about a hole in one on the back 9 & Tiger. Strange, I checked his scorecard online it doesn't mention anything about that..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 28 January, 2014 Share Posted 28 January, 2014 i'm struggling bit with the four holes phil. I can see being ok for 3 holes then i am not sure what you mean. sorry to hear bout you come home and find Mrs Double Penetration getting it from ambulance drivers. I spose was big shock! Handy to have ER on hand tho. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 31 January, 2014 Share Posted 31 January, 2014 I discovered another difference between the sexes today. ALL the women at the golf today had one thing on their minds, they wanted to see Carolina's Ring. (FYI it cost Rory $125,000 and half his future earnings when he does a Tiger). But hey, fair enough. So, when I go up to her (my new BFF) and ask to see her Ring so I can take a pic of it to post onto here I get a slap..... Life is Sooooooo unfair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 1 February, 2014 Share Posted 1 February, 2014 [h=5]Ericofarabia[/h]5 hours ago Back home to visit my dad. Switch TV on within 2 minutes see DubaiPhil lurking behind Tiger Woods on SkyTV. Media whore Who me? Never. I WAS wearing the Sash shirt though.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 5 February, 2014 Share Posted 5 February, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 5 February, 2014 Share Posted 5 February, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 7 February, 2014 Share Posted 7 February, 2014 Father in law invented new pillow. Set to be the next big craze. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 7 February, 2014 Share Posted 7 February, 2014 Big comeback for the girls tonight #sochi [video=youtube;0HL-N9oOjcs] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 10 February, 2014 Share Posted 10 February, 2014 Kill the word thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpbury Posted 11 February, 2014 Share Posted 11 February, 2014 I agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 12 February, 2014 Share Posted 12 February, 2014 Flag from Golfing Phil's stag night spotted at game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 12 February, 2014 Share Posted 12 February, 2014 Just had an excellent cold call conversation with a call centre in Asia. Bletch: "Hello?" Caller: "Is that Mr. Bletch?" (With a very thick Indian accent, and obviously reading from a script) Bletch: "Can I ask who is calling?" Caller: "This is (something like) DNC Centre, the Do Not Call centre. We understand that you have been having a high volume of unwanted sales and marketing calls. Is that correct?" Bletch: "I'm not sure how good your English is, but do you understand the concept of irony?" Caller: "I'm sorry sir. Have you been having a high volume of unwanted sales and marketing calls?" Bletch: "Yep, I said that I don't know how good your English is, but do you understand the concept of irony, do you know what irony means?" Caller: (hangs up) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 12 February, 2014 Share Posted 12 February, 2014 Did he not want to do your ironing Bletch? How much are you paying? Spud is looking for a job, he might be able to help you with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 12 February, 2014 Share Posted 12 February, 2014 We didn't get to the ironing bit Toke. He's coming round to dinner at the w/e, and we'll take it from there. As an aside, my wife used to charge me to do my "ironing" before she became my wife, and now that she is my wife, she does my ironing for free. Who says that there is no need to get married these days? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 12 February, 2014 Share Posted 12 February, 2014 Can you provide clarification on irony pls bletch? I would of called that circumstance Irony, it's the sort of thing people say is ironic, but on main board they tell you off for using it like that. I imagine the original olde definition of irony is more the one where ur saying something you don't mean or whatever. I would like to be more educate tho. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 12 February, 2014 Share Posted 12 February, 2014 Flag from Golfing Phil's stag night spotted at game. Hmmmmm. I may be mistaken, but I do recall our glorious Leader and Curry Night Organiser Granty mentioning numerous times on Twitter that he was attending a German Football match recently......... Amazingly, one of my pals was playing golf this afternoon. Arrived at the 13th tee box to find none other than Will Smith waiting to play his shot. Pal was having a nice day until I pointed out that a pic of said ex-Rap artist would have earnt him a couple of grand at least.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 12 February, 2014 Share Posted 12 February, 2014 (edited) Can you provide clarification on irony pls bletch? I would of called that circumstance Irony, it's the sort of thing people say is ironic, but on main board they tell you off for using it like that. I imagine the original olde definition of irony is more the one where ur saying something you don't mean or whatever. I would like to be more educate tho. The way I like to think of it bear, It's like rain on your wedding day or it's a free ride when you've already paid It's the good advice that you just didn't take. A traffic jam when you're already late. A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. These are all perfect examples of irony. The indian man really should be knowning this. A basic knowledge of Alan & Merrisette lyrics is essential for international telesales. Edited 12 February, 2014 by Tokyo-Saint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 12 February, 2014 Share Posted 12 February, 2014 Can you provide clarification on irony pls bletch? I would of called that circumstance Irony, it's the sort of thing people say is ironic, but on main board they tell you off for using it like that. I imagine the original olde definition of irony is more the one where ur saying something you don't mean or whatever. I would like to be more educate tho. I'd sooner clean-up one of Toke's dogs after a Sunday in the park, than try to accurately define irony Bear. And there are many types of irony. I once read something by Stephen Fry (I think) that explained the different types very well. (14 types springs to mind, but that doesn't sound right/possible/probable). Anyway, the one I am using is where there is a contradiction between what is stated and what is done. In this case the caller is claiming to help stop spam calls, but in order to deliver this message, he is making a spam call. His real intent is hidden from me. I'll find you some further reading Bear. I'll even set some homework. Do not copy Toke's work again! You will only be wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 12 February, 2014 Share Posted 12 February, 2014 Steve Grant @SteveGrant1983 Dec 12 Pre match at the Commerzbank Arena in Frankfurt. Comfortable 2-0 home win. It was ****ing cold! pic.twitter.com/Yt47t0NA4K Expand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 12 February, 2014 Share Posted 12 February, 2014 Can you read the scores from yesterday please Bletch? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 17 February, 2014 Share Posted 17 February, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 17 February, 2014 Share Posted 17 February, 2014 That's funny. But the apology is funnier Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 i was thinking earlier bout the time i went to a major hardcore rock gig in like 2008 or 2009 or something. They was called The Spice Girls, you may have heard of them? This hardcore gig was at Wembley Stadium. It was hot ticket, all sold out! There was a bunch of us going, me, my bird at the time + some others. I had bought all the tickets cos as you know i am v.generous + not a price pikey! Although i did make a small profit cos i charged them all p&p and i only had to pay one lot myself. Anyway, on the day one of the people never turned up & pub in london where we was meet. I forget why, but it meant that I was stuck with a spare ticket! I was not too bothered tho, cos as you know i am not a price pikey. So we was walking up from wembley station and i had spare ticket and gf and everyone was bothering me to sell it to a tout, cos there was a lot of touts about. I was resistant to this, cos i was looking at the touts and i couldn't find one that i wanted to talk to. They all looked like massive cunts. Then i saw this tramp doing begging. He was a really bad one, all stinky looking + beard + no teeth + missing finger. I felt bad for him, i have had soft spot for tramps ever since i see one wanking off over the window display mannikins outside selfridges. So in a v.impressive and dis-interested gesture i went up to tramp and gave him the spare ticket so he could sell it to a tout and make himself £££ to spend on special brew or whatever. Girfriend + others was all extremely impressed with this generous gesture! So opposite to the price pikey actions you see so often nowadays! As my gf gazed at me adoringly i thought to myself, she will let me put it anywhere! I couldn't wait for the dumb concert to finish so we could get to it. So we went into wembley and took our seats. I can't remember exactly but i imagine there was support acts. If there was, it was v.dull stuff. I might have had a little nap. Anyway, just as Spice Girls was about to start we noticed a disturbance along the aisle. There was a bit of kerfuffle and oh-ffs-ing. I glanced over, and who should be edging his way towards us? Old stinky tramp man! He had obviously decided against selling the ticket cos he really wanted to watch the Spice Girls! I don't spose tramps often get them sort of opportunities when you think about it. My girlfriend looked at me pleadingly, "Change seats with me," she said, hers being next to the vacant one where stinky tramp was gonna sit. I looked into her beautiful eyes and thought about all the deviant sexual practices she would submit to if i saved her from tramp. "No fucking way," i said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 **** story. **** off back to the lounge. You're not wanted here. This is now the People's Republic of Word Bores. You also missed the opportunity for a clever parallel sentence using vagrant and vacant. Unforgiveable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Bit business myself but let's just take a minute to appreciate spice bears generosity. Who was your fav spice G bear? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 In order of number of times I have done wank on them: Posh (I have done her loads) Bunton (she was my favourite originally before posh got boob job) Black Ginger Sports chin (I don't think I ever done her actually) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pap Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 Just another example of the controlled media keeping articulate dissent down Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 I dunno what that guy thought he was doing. He's embarrassed himself. That really ain't the sort of bird you'd want to f*ck in the pussy. Up the arse maybe, but deffo not in the pussy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 I liked sport one when she was in brookside but then went down hill in mouthy lezzer phrase. Trying to pretend she is normal though but she ain't going to get nowhere with a surname like jizzem. People don't forget these things easily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 If I recall correctly, Paul done back to front with her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lets B Avenue Posted 18 February, 2014 Share Posted 18 February, 2014 If I recall correctly, Paul done back to front with her What? That little alien? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 What? That little alien? nah it was him & her reference for tokyos, sorry for being obtuse! In other bear news, some people might remember a thread bout children's books in the lounge like a year ago or whatever. Off the cuff i contributed an original story entitled "Baby Bear Needs A Poo". It stayed with me that story cos i thought it contained a strong moral as you would find in the work of christian hands anderson, so i made it up into a little book with hand-drawn illustrations and give it to my niece at Christmas. I mean, i bought her something too, I am not a price pikey! It was actually a lot of work but i didn't mind cos i love my little niece, she is only 6 or 7 or whatever but she's pretty lols. Anyway she is loving this book that i made & my sister says it now gets handed round the playground like crack cocaine. It gives me great satisfaction to know that there is an Original Bear out there, educating young minds. unfortunately i don't have copies of the illustrations, you will have to wait till the book gets handed to ur neice or nephew, but the transcript run something like this: Baby Bear Needs A Poo by Brian Earsy I need a poo, said baby bear. You can't poo here, said mummy bear, this is a shop. You'll have to hold it in. I need a poo, said baby bear. You can't poo here, said daddy bear, this is my car. You'll have to hold it in. I need a poo, said baby bear. You can't poo here, said sister bear. Not on my face. You'll have to hold it in. Baby bear held it in and held it in. BUUUUURP! said baby bear. The poo come out his mouth! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 19 February, 2014 Share Posted 19 February, 2014 Can I do illustrations please bear? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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