Bearsy Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 My nan is in Old Peoples Home and when they is doing their Christmas Bingo I'm trying to get the gig to be the one calling out the bingo numbers. Obviously I know a lot of the old favourites like "Two Fat Ladies Quack Quack...15" but I'm trying to think of new ones to make it more relevant to modern day Britain! Here is ones I got so far! Savile's Heaven... Age 11 Your Place Or Mine... 69 Resident's died this year.... 5 *Wolf Whistle* Heather Mill's Legs... 1 Help me out bro's! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 (edited) At heavens gate.... number 8 Knob in the poo........22 Wanna suck off my mate.....28 Morning after (pill)... Emergency 72 Check her ID...18 Run from her mum....21 Run from her dad...17 Edited 29 November, 2012 by Tokyo-Saint Thought of more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 Thanks tokyos the old dears will be loving it when they hear these high quality bingo calls! Oh hi nan what's that in ur pants?... number 2 A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beens and a nice chianti... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 No problem bear, I was thinking of like **** block...15 as well but then I thought you'd think I was a peodo. I'll try and get cheesy, I mean milts to say that one. You can't be a peodo if you are 15 yourself so they should be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pap Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 Thanks tokyos the old dears will be loving it when they hear these high quality bingo calls! Oh hi nan what's that in ur pants?... number 2 A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beens and a nice chianti... 3 Have you ever used Miggs' chat-up line, Bearsy? I'm interested in hearing in how it fares in the wild. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 Haha i ain't as yet! I've been tempted to use his follow up sometimes when i get blown out tho! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilippineSaint Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 Bearsy, Here is a hymn that you could get your old granny to sing with a bit of local colour in it. The First Day of Christmas. On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, The Lord Montague of Beaulieu. On the second Day of Christmas My true love gave to me two bog house doors and the lord Montague of Beaulieu. On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me Three French whores, two bog house doors and the lord Montague of Beaulieu. On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Four calling girls, Three French whores, two bog house doors and the lord Montague of Beaulieu. On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Five choir boys queer, Four calling girls, Three French whores, Two bog house doors and the lord Montague of Beaulieu. On the Sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Six spineless spastics, Five choir boys queer, Four calling girls, Three French whores, Two bog house doors and the lord Montague of Beaulieu. On the Seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me Seven sexless spinsters, Six spineless spastics, Five choir boys queer, Four calling girls, Three French whores, Two bog house doors and the lord Montague of Beaulieu. On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Eight Licking ladies, Seven sexless spinsters, Six spineless spastics, Five choir boys queer, Four calling girls, Three French whores, Two bog house doors and the lord Montague of Beaulieu. On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Nine gnawed of nipples, Eight Licking ladies, Seven sexless spinsters, Six spineless spastics, Five choir boys queer, Four calling girls, Three French whores, Two bog house doors and the lord Montague of Beaulieu. On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Ten torn of testicles, Nine gnawed of nipples, Eight Licking ladies, Seven sexless spinsters, Six spineless spastics, Five choir boys queer, Four calling girls, Three French whores, Two bog house doors and the lord Montague of Beaulieu. On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me Eleven useless eunuchs, Ten torn of testicles, Nine gnawed of nipples, Eight Licking ladies, Seven sexless spinsters, Six spineless spastics, Five choir boys queer, Four calling girls, Three French whores, Two bog house doors and the lord Montague of Beaulieu. On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Twelve tits a leaking, Eleven useless eunuchs, Ten torn of testicles, Nine gnawed of nipples, Eight Licking ladies, Seven sexless spinsters, Six spineless spastics, Five choir boys queer, Four calling girls, Three French whores, Two bog house doors and the lord Montague of Beaulieu. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 Hey Phil How's it going? Long time no see. I'm starting to regret helping bear out with this as I think it may be a cover to pimp old *****es out to whitey and bletch. Bletch isn't even that old, he just likes it when they can take their teeth out, says it creates a vacume. Anyway dude, what's the latest with the ladyboys? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilippineSaint Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 Pimping the wrinklies then? sounds like the reverse of the Savile thread and pimping the kids. Maybe its a guilt thing and he is taking the average age of both to get a respectable age on his Ho's? Been on a reckie to Angola and pretty much confirm there aren't any Ladyboy's out here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 Yeah it's sad but government statistics show that 1 in 5 wrinkles will suck dic for toffee. I mean literally. Heartless b@stard gets them hooked on worthies originals. Then once they are hooked, he cuts the supply off. Still, he's a mate, what can you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 I'm much more sneaky than that, I gold wrap my knob and hide their spectacles. Here you go nan! Extra large werthers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilippineSaint Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 I'm much more sneaky than that, I gold wrap my knob and hide their spectacles. Here you go nan! Extra large werthers! Are they the toffee's made with real cream then Bear? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 Extra large? Yeah....yeah whatever you say. BFFF and all that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 I'm much more sneaky than that, I gold wrap my knob and hide their spectacles. Here you go nan! Extra large werthers! You mean me and Whitey are getting sloppy septuagenarian seconds? That was never part of the deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 You mean me and Whitey are getting sloppy septuagenarian seconds? That was never part of the deal. Ah! That would explain the smell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 Ah! That would explain the smell. It would indeed Whitey Grandad. I always wondered why the bear's nether regions smelled of sandalwood and polygrip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pap Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 It would indeed Whitey Grandad. I always wondered why the bear's nether regions smelled of sandalwood and polygrip. bletch, I'd like to make Whitey Grandad SaintsWeb's official grandad. I argue with him about as much I do my own grandad. If I were to propose it in Site Suggestions, would you second it? I know it'd be nice to get a left-wing grandad, but in truth, there are very few of them about on TSW. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 bletch, I'd like to make Whitey Grandad SaintsWeb's official grandad. I argue with him about as much I do my own grandad. If I were to propose it in Site Suggestions, would you second it? I know it'd be nice to get a left-wing grandad, but in truth, there are very few of them about on TSW. That's very kind of you. If you don't like the view, look at it from the other side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pap Posted 29 November, 2012 Share Posted 29 November, 2012 That's very kind of you. If you don't like the view, look at it from the other side. WG, my grandad and I argue like f**k. He loves it. He will purposefully wind me up to get a reaction. He hates my long hair and frequently tells me I don't look like a professional businessman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 30 November, 2012 Share Posted 30 November, 2012 bletch, I'd like to make Whitey Grandad SaintsWeb's official grandad. I argue with him about as much I do my own grandad. If I were to propose it in Site Suggestions, would you second it? I know it'd be nice to get a left-wing grandad, but in truth, there are very few of them about on TSW. Seconded pap. You have my full support. Plus Whitey Grandad brings a certain intellectual rigour to the blathering nonsense on here. Art imitating life - a coalition of mixed ideologies. It should be good for the balance of the site. But which one of you is The Clegg? You wait until White Grandad tells you that you'll be right wing once you get to his age. I heard that a lot as a younger man. PS bear, dont try to give me an infraction for posting politics in The Muppet Show. This baby's off topic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 30 November, 2012 Share Posted 30 November, 2012 I have never held left-wing views but I suppose I have always been something of a social democrat. Of course, as you get older you tend to earn more an so get taxed more which is enough to make anybody get a blue rinse. Apparently my grandad, who died when I was about one, was always an island of sense in a sea of labour-supporting neighbours in North London. He would be the only one with blue posters in his window when everybody else was red, maybe it's where I get my rebellious nature from ;-). His Conservative Club pals in the local magistrates came in very handy whenever my dad got himself into a big of local bother. Allegedly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 30 November, 2012 Share Posted 30 November, 2012 I have never held left-wing views but I suppose I have always been something of a social democrat. Of course, as you get older you tend to earn more an so get taxed more which is enough to make anybody get a blue rinse. Apparently my grandad, who died when I was about one, was always an island of sense in a sea of labour-supporting neighbours in North London. He would be the only one with blue posters in his window when everybody else was red, maybe it's where I get my rebellious nature from ;-). His Conservative Club pals in the local magistrates came in very handy whenever my dad got himself into a big of local bother. Allegedly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shurlock Posted 30 November, 2012 Share Posted 30 November, 2012 My nan is in Old Peoples Home and when they is doing their Christmas Bingo I'm trying to get the gig to be the one calling out the bingo numbers. Obviously I know a lot of the old favourites like "Two Fat Ladies Quack Quack...15" but I'm trying to think of new ones to make it more relevant to modern day Britain! Here is ones I got so far! Savile's Heaven... Age 11 Your Place Or Mine... 69 Resident's died this year.... 5 *Wolf Whistle* Heather Mill's Legs... 1 Help me out bro's! A few more to keep the old dears spirits up: At death's door - number 4 Valium fix - number 6 Harold Shipman killing machine - number 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 1 December, 2012 Share Posted 1 December, 2012 [video=youtube;CdpDykF-vGM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdpDykF-vGM&feature=youtube_gdata_player Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buctootim Posted 1 December, 2012 Share Posted 1 December, 2012 Got to be the only person to not lose weight whilst vigorously excercising to Carly Ray Jepsen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 8 December, 2012 Share Posted 8 December, 2012 Ugh I'm hanging bad. Best hangover cures. Stat. I'm sposed to be going out again in an hour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dig Dig Posted 8 December, 2012 Share Posted 8 December, 2012 Ugh I'm hanging bad. Best hangover cures. Stat. I'm sposed to be going out again in an hour. Have a poo and then go into the sea. Best hangover cure there is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 8 December, 2012 Share Posted 8 December, 2012 Have a poo and then go into the sea. Best hangover cure there is Why not combine both? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smirking_Saint Posted 8 December, 2012 Share Posted 8 December, 2012 [video=youtube;CdpDykF-vGM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdpDykF-vGM&feature=youtube_gdata_player I know turks likes to work out but where is his Kettlebells ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 8 December, 2012 Share Posted 8 December, 2012 Have a poo and then go into the sea. Best hangover cure there is Cheers. They don't have sea in Birmingham so I went down sports centre poo'ed in swimming pool. Feel bit better now. Still a bit sensitive tho. I'm sposed to be at German Christmas Market getting hammered but I can't face it. If anyone asks, you ain't seen me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 8 December, 2012 Share Posted 8 December, 2012 Bearsy's Cultural Review So friend of mine is working on this stage show and she's made some of come have a watch on it last night in Birminghams. It's called War Of WORLDS. You might be familiar with the movie by Tom Cruises, this is sort of the same but they've changed it a bit so it's not in New York, it's in Surrey and it's not in modern days, it's in olden days. I don't think these is improvements, I dunno why they changed it. If my mate hadn't already warned me it was pretty gay show I would have realised when I got there and find it stars not only Jason Donovan, but also Martin Pillow from WetX3 and that utter cvnt bumface from Kaiser Chiefs. This is unholy tri-umviate! Fortunately we is already hammered and my mate has got pills to take the old edge off if things get too gay. They do get gay pretty much immediately. I ain't been to many stage shows but I always imagined that most of the stuff happens on the stage. Not in War of WORLDS! In War of WORLDS the whole stage is full up with orchestras and this guy called Jeff Something who is doing conducting and is apparently Famous. He got big clap when he come in. Anyway what you get to do when you go watch War of WORLDS is watch a video while the orchestras is playing their orchestrations. It's a pretty cheesy video, low quality CGI like one of the story bits from Halo and it's bout the Marvins of Mars wanting to come to earth cos they've run out of whatevers. These videos go the whole time. Occasionally Martin Pillow or whoever comes on to sing along a bit, but other than that you're just watching videos. I ain't to happy bout this. I could of watched videos at home. So the story is that the Marvins come to olden days Surrey and start blowing stuff up. We learn that it's year 1808, my mate says that's wrong cos they never had trains or steam engines in 1808, but I tell him shut up no-one cares bout that. Then the only good bit of the show happens, they lower down big robot thing from the roof. It's a bit crap looking, but much more interesting to look at than videos. Then it shoots Fire out it's cock and nearly catches Jeff Something on Fire! Which is lols. Then utter cvnt Bumface from Kaiser Chiefs comes on and embarrasses himself with some of the worst acting I've seen in years. It's like Pantomine acting. In fact, it ain't even as good as Pantomine acting. Then some other stuff happens that I didn't really understand bout a vicar and his wife, and some other stuff, then it ends. It ends with all the Marvins dieing of aids. Turns out they don't have aids on Mars so they never knew not to have bum sex with monkeys. If this is sort of show you think you like, you may be able to see it soon, my mate is travelling all over with it. If you mention my name, she'll nosh you off. Best regards, Dr. Brian Earsy Edit: Some of the songs is quite catchy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Window Cleaner Posted 8 December, 2012 Share Posted 8 December, 2012 Bearsy's Cultural Review So friend of mine is working on this stage show and she's made some of come have a watch on it last night in Birminghams. It's called War Of WORLDS. You might be familiar with the movie by Tom Cruises, this is sort of the same but they've changed it a bit so it's not in New York, it's in Surrey and it's not in modern days, it's in olden days. I don't think these is improvements, I dunno why they changed it. I blame that old bloke what wrote it, H G Wells, could he not live in New York in the 21st century instead of London's suburbs in 1898?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonManager Posted 8 December, 2012 Share Posted 8 December, 2012 Bearsy's Cultural Review You might be familiar with the movie by Tom Cruises, this is sort of the same but they've changed it a bit so it's not in New York, it's in Surrey and it's not in modern days, it's in olden days. I don't think these is improvements, I dunno why they changed it. Tsk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 8 December, 2012 Share Posted 8 December, 2012 I dunno what Windows is on about but I've been thinking and they probably changed it to avoid giving Tom Cruise all his royalties. It's a shame tho, they should have left it as it was. On the plus side tho they did get rid of the annoying sub plot where he is single dad chasing round after his dumb kids. I think taking classic Tom Cruise movies and making them in to musicals is good idea tho. They should do Top Gun next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 26 December, 2012 Share Posted 26 December, 2012 I dunno where my brother has picked up all his professional poker terminology but I think it's "trip gay". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 11 January, 2013 Share Posted 11 January, 2013 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2DKdWhL3G0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 16 January, 2013 Share Posted 16 January, 2013 Can you quack? Can you quack like a duck when you suck? Can you fart on my balls when we f*ck? In other news i got mugged by charity collectors today and it turned out what they do is give aids to starving africans! What kind of f*cked up charity is that? I spose it keeps population under control but f*cking hell! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 16 January, 2013 Share Posted 16 January, 2013 Does this thread act like a diary for you bear? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 16 January, 2013 Share Posted 16 January, 2013 Dear Diary, Sometimes i feel like i'm the only one using the ramirez off topic thread for posting things that is not to do with ramirez topics. Some people, like tokyos, start a whole new thread every time they has a dumb thought! Also i had wet dream last night and i'm getting hairs in strange places. Bearsy xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 16 January, 2013 Share Posted 16 January, 2013 Once you start quoting yourself, then you know your ego has taken over. This happened to sour mash yesterday but I think it was just that Turkish forgot to change accounts. Can't blame him for that as we do that loads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 January, 2013 Share Posted 18 January, 2013 Lovin it on the main board at the moment! Cos of the sheer volume of registered offenders swearing and abusing the mods is completely unable to cope with infractions or find time to delete off-topic posts! It's like open house we can say what the fvvck we want! God bless Cortese! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 January, 2013 Share Posted 18 January, 2013 I'm gonna post some porn! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 January, 2013 Share Posted 18 January, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 January, 2013 Share Posted 18 January, 2013 That was just tester! Mods? Any mods here? All busy fire-fighting main boards yeah? Ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 January, 2013 Share Posted 18 January, 2013 Getting closer! Was that nip? Is Bearsy over the line! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 18 January, 2013 Share Posted 18 January, 2013 Sometimes nips are ok anyway, you need to do better than that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 24 January, 2013 Share Posted 24 January, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZepSaint Posted 24 January, 2013 Share Posted 24 January, 2013 Think your porn testing radar is off a bit Mr. Bearsy Sir .......... http://skinny-curvy.tumblr.com/post/29144929010 Sorry, don't know how to load up gif anims ! :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 24 January, 2013 Share Posted 24 January, 2013 Think your porn testing radar is off a bit Mr. Bearsy Sir .......... http://skinny-curvy.tumblr.com/post/29144929010 Sorry, don't know how to load up gif anims ! :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZepSaint Posted 24 January, 2013 Share Posted 24 January, 2013 Thats its ................how the feck did you do that ? Tried insert pic and linking to it and all bloody hell let loose ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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