SNSUN

In latest news, the Sugababes are bringing out three new charity singles for Deppogate. They are to cover Simple Minds' "Don't You (Forget About Me)", Monty Python's "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" and Oasis's "Where Did It All Go Wrong".

I think Antony Pulis Jr has earned a suprisingly large amount of footballing cash without a footballing brain, and he doesn't have Usain's pace to boot! :-) I also think we could use Paula Radcliffe's stamina, Jonathon Edwards' ability to jump over tackles, and even Ronnie O'Sullivan's ability to put that white ball where he wants it.

Oddest (and not real) HCDAJFU of this thread goes to Usain Bolt. I would imagine he'd be like Kenwyne, full of pace but a lack of footballing ability until we mold him into the complete pro... http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/athletics/13708993.stm

So you're excluding the goals scored off Rasiak's belly and the one that went in off an aroused Kenwyne's willy?

Tributes to the late Deppo are already flooding in. Johnny Depp has legally changed his name to Johnny Deppo, the TellyTubbies will now be named Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Lala and DepPo, and Fifa have changed the red card offence "being sent off" to "being Deppo'd". Rumour that Pinkscarf is getting a Deppo tattoo is, as yet, completely unfounded.

Plymuff, if they're still going...

If you lick Danny Butterfield, he tastes like blackcurrant jam. If you lick Lee Holmes though, he tastes salty.

Jose Fonte's name is unpronouncable. The same applies to Andrei Kanchelskis, but only when in an inebriated state. The Wallace trio actually had a younger brother called Derek. They locked him in a loft due to his lack of footballing ability and he hasn't been seen since. (The same also happened to Ray, but he escaped.) Francis Benali was voted England's sexiest moustache wearer by the readers of Take A Break magazine, just four days before he shaved it off. The corner flags at SMS are made of Marzipan.

We could form a band, the "broadband board banned" band. I thought Deppo could be very funny at times, he did insult me once iirc but it just turned me on. The humour hasn't gone though, I still find many of you lot very funneh posters. I name no names to protect egos. I won't be changing my avatar though, I never get tired of that bum. Speaking of being turned on, if Master Bates were here, there'd be bewbs on this thread already.

Brighton at the Amex. Show them we are, in fact, better than them despite our previous season's standings, with a thumping 3-1 win to ruin their new ground's first fixture.

His name was an anagram of Pedo. With an extra P added. Just thought I'd add that.

Every St Mary's seat can hold a person of up to 27 stone. The only chair related fan fatality came in the 2009-2010 JPT match against Norwich, when a 38 year old man developed deep vein thrombosis. The origins of Rickie's surname date back to Tudor times, when Dorothy of Maidenhead asked her husband "would you like some Lamb, Bert?" The original Ted Bates statue was voted #2 in Time Magazine's "funniest thing of all time" poll. It was just pipped to the title by Portsmouth FC's claim of signing Riquelme.

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain suffered from IBS as a child, he learned to run quickly by sprinting to the toilet. Francis Benali's 'tasche can be found in the British Museum next to the Sutton Hoo treasure. Bruce Grobbelaar's wonky legs routine when facing penalties was actually a medical condition linked to Parkinsons, brought about by stress. I taught Anthony Pulis everything he knows about football.

It wasn't salad cream Beasant dropped on his toe, it was tomato ketchup.

Lloyd James supplied the porno "drunk chicks go wild 4" for the team coach which was watched on the way to Deepdale, the resulting flood of man juice is why Kelvin Davis now has a lazy eye.

If we sign no centre backs this window, Seaborne would start alongside Fonte if I were gaffer with Jaidi and Martin as backup. However I do think we'll see a new CB come in.

Alright Stop - Corroborate evidence and listen, Barnard's back with a brand new intention, Something's got a hold of him tightly, Locked in a prison daily and nightly. Will it ever stop? Yo! I don't know. Judge drops the case? Then he'll go. Bottled, with a sneaking up boom Fighting the dude in a dingy club room Deadly, he should have walked away, Anything more than this is a felony, Love him or leave him, he'd better walk away. He'd better lay low, then the kid won't pay. If you gotta problem? Yo, I'll solve it. Check out me lawyerly credentials and I'll absolve it. Lee Lee Baby...

Sod him. He isn't Jonno quick anyway.

Middlesborough, Leicester, Leeds and Forest. Leeds will only get stronger, Boro had a good finish to the season and should have done so much better with the players they have, Leicester are strong and can attract big names, and Forest will always be there or there abouts. The others? Not so much.

Sign Cork, and we're fast becoming the team that signs ex-players' sons. First Pulis Jr, then Chamberlain Jr, now Cork Jr. Anyone I'm missing on that list?

Would be a fantastic signing. Was our best player when I saw Crystal Palace beat us 3-0 in our relegation season at Selhurst Park. But if it's in the papers, it won't happen...

Meh. Gives us more time to tie up the Skacel deal.

I loves a good strike I do. Bob Crowe is my hero. (As a member of London Underground, I would like to point out to all my lovely customers that this is the Muppet Show and I was going for a joke, and in no way do I believe striking is the definitive way to get what we want, as it inconveniences the customers something rotten, and I spend my entire working life trying to make sure the customers have a good time on the Tube. I loves YOU all.)

Although I hear Bob Herpes could really do a job for us.

I once bought some Orange Juice from our milkman when I lived at my parents. I won't be making that mistake again. Foulsome stuff. I couldn't employ the services of a milkman even if I wanted to. My front door opens onto a major pavement of a major road, and quite often we have had our rubbish booted into the street. I wouldn't cry over spilt milk, but I would want to crack the head open of the person that kicked it.