Lord Duckhunter

Just seen a piece from Richard Keys and despite being a bit of a twt , he can up with what I thought was a brilliant idea. Whoever is fouled in the box has to take the penalty. He got the idea from watching Newcastle and Warren Barton was through on goal could have stayed on his feet and shot but went down. He asked Barton about it later who basically said Shearer from 10 yards would bury it more times than Barton from 7 yards . Keys claims that a lot of players will stay on their feet , rather than take a penalty. After all the goal scoring opportunity denied was warren Barton's not Alan Shearer's. Hand ball would be your designated taker and there would obviously be an issue if the player claimed they were injured. However, Keys reckons old mother rielly was quite interested in the idea when he pitched to the refs body. What do people think? Crazy idea, or something worth looking at.

Shapps is a complete and utter twt, and he's now been proved to be a liar. I really don't get why Cameron puts so much faith in him, he's always on Daily Politics or Sunday Politics & QT but he comes over really poorly. He's a political lightweight .

I think he's a nearly man. He nearly wins a tackle, he nearly gets on the end of things, he nearly knocks a great dead ball. Personally I think he's going backwards,he just doesn't have that one aspect of his game that stands out.

The BBC are reporting that IPSA have ruled this breaks expenses policy, and are demanding repayment. So it doesn't really matter what you think as the independent watchdog states she's in the wrong.

It's pretty low though isn't it? Expecting the taxpayer to fund a £17 wreath .

Anyone would feel sorry for him , but that's not the point . Would you want an alcy teaching your kids or an alcy giving you financial advise. The lib/dumbs were represented on that show by Charlie boy and they must have known there was a chance he'd be polluted . Surely his voters deserve better , he should withdraw from public life until his overcome his " illness" . I'm sure you'll be the first to complain if Ron K is staggering along the line tomorrow and throwing pens at Jose M and playing yoshida in nets

There's making an effort and then there's taking the **** . I like a few liverners before I go anywhere , but she seems to think it's ok to get somewhere at 8 or 9 , when the kick off is 7.30. Fashionably late, my arse , I want to enjoy the whole evening not half of it .Believe it or not ( and it's true ) I'm in a pub in Bournemouth now having left at 6 for our friends 40th in town tonight . She's following me down when she's ready , and we will arrive at the do together .

It's all about compromise . I'll give you an example ; mrs duck takes forever to get ready and I would spend over an hour pacing around waiting and getting more and more thirsty . The worst of it was when she used to pop next door and ask her mate if her outfit was ok ( after getting fed up with me saying Yes, ****ing yes, come on let's go ) . This ruined our night and we always went out on a row . Nowadays I **** off up the pub and she joins me when she's ready and we head off out . I'm happy , she's happy , everyone Is a winner .

Who wears the trousers is an interesting one . My snap dragon tells people I wear them , but she tells me which pair to wear . She's proberly right in a way but it tends to be a bit of both . She'll never stop me going to the pub or football , and I tend to run our social life and holidays . However , if she wants to move, we move. I don't really care too much where we live as long as I've got money when I want a pint , have the kids and her around , and go to football . I guess after 20 odd years we share trousers depending on situation .

He was a poor manager for us and relegation was a massive blow , but the finances weren't really down to him . Luckily Rupes kept twitchys hands out of the till.

It would be terrible to win the league twice , FA cup and qualify for champions league . I would hate it if we spent millions on a campus and youth development . I desperately want us to remain a mid table club that wins **** all.

She claimed that I thought more of football than her. It was before the cards it was like a wallet thing , pretty sure it was around the end of The Dell. She reckons football is a pub crawl with a match in the middle of it . Nowadays she's got used to it and was rather I was out the way, but for years she had a major issue with me always going to football ( I also played Sundays back then, so that didn't help) .

Me and Mrs Duck have had plenty of ding dongs but I'd never go crying to the old bill , I would find it pretty embarrassing to be honest . I've never given her a dig , but she's aimed plenty at me and thrown various objects my way . I've also had drinks tipped over my head , my phone smashed and season ticket buried in the garden . I have to just pin her down and get her to calm down as I could never hit a chick . To be honest with you , I think she finds it a bit of a turn on that we have such a fiery relationship . It's starting to become less and less frequent now, but our first few years together there was loads of incidents . Nowadays I just tell her to **** off and I go up the pub . She ignores me when I get back, until it's time for a bit of the old Duck magic .

He shouldn't have been on the show then , the BBC or the lib/dumbs should have pulled the plug . The BBC have form over this allowing Bestie to make a twt of himself on Wogan, but I'm surprised they've sunk so low to allow a serious political show to show some bodies problems off . I'm sure that if Nigel or Paul Nuttall had been in that state the establishment and the BBC would have been all over it like a rash, instead everybody tried to pretend nothing happened .

I don't know who who will have the biggest hangover Kennedy or Cleggy , who wasted a prime political slot with that lush. Still, even tanked up he made more sense than most lib/dumbs

Was that after Kennedy ****ed himself

God , Kennedy was cringeworthy . It was heart in mouth time every question he answered . Forgot the questions , slurred his words and looked like he's been on a all day session . He's so polluted he may even try and pull Bennett after the show . Seriously , the man was clearly "ill" and the BBC and Lib/dumbs should have binned him. Surely they have a duty of care .

Charlie Kennedy has spent too much time in the green room prior to his QT appearance . #bladdered

Nigel asks a good question in The Independent today. Why when he says "British" workers do the establishment take that to mean "white" , is this not an indicator of their own institutional racism? Good common sense about it from a fellow Saints supporter.

The establishment already discriminate against people based on their nationality. I interview people for 10-15 jobs a year, minimum wage, and fixed term mainly. The best candidates are generally Eastern European . I have to give them the job as I would be breaking the law not to. If I decided I wanted to take a local person off the dole and give him a chance even though a Romanian had better credentials I'd be breaking the law. All Nigel is proposing is that this part of the law be changed. This policy was endorsed by the previous prime minister who advocated British jobs for British workers.

In other words , fat munters.

No way can you " forget" to perv . Maybe if you're Keith Richard you've had plenty of chicks , but the ordinary joe will always find something to perv at . If you've been on a 2 week holiday and seen loads of chicks half naked on the beach day after day , you'll not get fed up at looking . I guess it's up to the organisers of the art class to ensure the models are fit, as I can stay at home if I want to look at a 40 year olds body. As an aside did any if the blokes you painted get a stiffy , because if a load of birds were looking at me naked , I'd have at least a semi. It could get a bit embarrassing , particularly if they turned the heating down

Do you know when you sign up if the model is a chick or a bloke? When Mrs Duck had one of her marathon headaches I could pop along and have a perv , although knowing my luck I'd get a hairy *****r .

Politics has nothing to do with personal grooming issues. Although I'm sure lefties like Abbott and Harman have horrendous muffs . UKIP's policy is it's up to the individual not hairy faceless Eurocrats how you present your privates .

As Willie Nelson said " divorces are expensive , because they're worth it" . The bloke should just be glad he's rid of the money grabbing witch , if that costs him a few quid who cares ?