benjii

I know loads of **** (or at least I pretend I do). About everything. I won't tell you though becuase I am an insufferable onanist and really love whacking off over replies on here.

They should have used AV.

I have been to Zagreb, Split, Brac, Hvar and Dubrovnik. Zagreb is a cracking city: dirt cheap and a good laugh but inland so doesn't benefit from the awesome climate of the Dalmatian coast. Beer less than a £1 and a massive pizza in the city centre for £3. Happy days. The journey from Zagreb to the Dalmatian coast is a bit of a ****er though and probably not great with young nippers in tow. Not sure about getting to the Isthmian peninsula from there (the north-western Croatian coastline - I didn't visit that bit). Split is an interesting place. Some Roman history, some nice views along the coast but probably not worth more than a couple of nights. Again, pretty cheap though if you avoid the obvious tourist traps. Home of Goran Ivanicevic. Fact. Depending on the time of year you might fancy a trip to watch Hadjuk Split in their strange Armadillo-like stadium. From Split you can sail to several islands including Brac and Hvar. Brac is a very quiet, peaceful place although it also has some great bars and restaurants. I stayed in Bol, in a guesthouse, which was very pleasant. Hvar is probably the most "upmarket" of the islands (you will see £70m yachts coming in to berth - I saw this monster coming in and later on saw it again off the coast of Dubrovnik: http://www.charterworld.com/images/framework/334/force%20blue-680.jpg) although, at the same time, it attracts a young party set in high season. A sort of "Jack Wills / Abercrombie and Fitch" yachty type place, although don't be put off if that's not your scene as it's not too in your face and it's all very pleasant. As is common in the Med though, the real night scene doesn't kick in until the very small hours so you can still have nice evenings out with your family without being confronted by too many puking yanks. I'm talking about Hvar town, which is on Hvar island. There are also quieter places you can stay on the island. From Hvar there are also lots of day boat-trips to other nearby islands with secluded beaches. You can get a boat (about 6 hours) to Dubrovnik. Dubrovnik is an amazing place. The beautifully preserved (yet incredibly, heavily bombed during the Balkan conflict) mediaeval old town is quite enchanting and sits proudly jutting into the sea, abutting the more modern city (which is a popular cruise stop-off). Dubrovnik was noticably more expensive than anywhere else I stayed but was not expensive by UK standards. In the old town you can expect to pay around £3 for a beer (or more in the trendier places or the obligatory "Irish Bar"s) but you can still get a good pizza for about £5 in a restaurant. There are a couple of great bars which hang off the outside of the mediaeval walls and are virtually in the sea. As you might have guessed, the food is heavily Italian influenced and is generally good value and comes in large portions. There are not a million and one things for kids to do so it would probably depend on how happy your kids are playing in the sun, sea etc or whether they need in-your-face entertainment. One thing to note is that the beaches are rocky, not sandy. The water is beautiful though. Oh and local birds will get their tits out. And they are fit. I've enjoyed writing this; happy memories!

See, on the contrary, I find you boring and funny.

Yes, but we are sending a taxi driver to deposit the contract in his hotel's safe. I know this because my mate, who works in large scale haulage (shipping ships, cars... that kind of thing) was hired to transport a taxi (and driver) from St Mary's to Dover for onward carriage to Europe.

The fact that Gillet, Mills, Thomas etc.. have all done ok in the Championship since leaving us just reinforces the point that others have made; much of the Championship is ****e and there are very few players as good as KD, Fonte, Schneiderlin (potentially), Lallana, Chamberlain, Guly... Remember when our team included Perry, Lancashire, Surman at LB, James at RB, Thomson, McGoldrick, Gillet, Holmes... even that lot didn't get relegated until near the end of the season and they weren't exactly given the best environment to play in. Predicting bottom half is just silly. We will want to do better than that, we have a settled and happy team, we will probably invest, we will have some of the most talented players in the division.

He's waiting to see if the Owen deal falls through and whether Paul Hart will get on the bus.

**** Huddersfield, **** the playoffs, and **** any batty-ass chi chi man Saints fan with any faux sympathy. Aaaaagggghhhhj!

How do you finger your prostate properly? I've never really figured it out.

Sock.

NNothing wrong with Makin, he was a competent full-back. We've had many worse in recent seasons.

It was Boyd. This has been public knowledge for some time. Makes me chuckle when people say "hope Pboro don't go up then we can get CMS". As though Saints aren't an infinitely more attractive proposition regardless.

Their own fault. I watched them against Bournemouth in the semis and they were rubbish. Sounds like they were poor again today. Saints and Brighton are far better.

Cool.

I lolled at Andy Townsend claiming the first goal was "too easy" and that the pass was straightforward. As if that bellend would've spotted the pass, let alone executed it perfectly - class from Xavi. Iniesta was brilliant tonight too. I can't remember seeing a team as good as this. They regularly have 90%+ of a match go exactly how they want it. And against the best opposition too.

Well, Chelsea have certainly been poorer and Schalke are mid-table. Look at the top 6 in the Prem. All have been weaker this season than last with the exception of Man City.

I experienced some rusty coloured water with a metallic smell in Thailand. That was definitely something to worry about.

I hope Pulis chins Guardiola. Actually, I hope Mourinho scores a human-goal then kung-fu kicks a swathe of terror across the whole Barca dug-out. Lowe out!

It was relatively "end to end" and thus sort of entertaining, but then so are most school boy matches.

Oh right. I agree - I'll be gutted if Birmingham or Stoke win tonight.

Eh? What do Barca do?

Are there many pedigrees in Battersea dogs' home? You could make a bit of £££ buying and selling if there are.

Frankie Bennett, for example.

Is that it? There must have been other good black players playing then too.