Dark Munster

Has he signed yet?

Swift, clean and fair. Sounds good to me.

Dear Mr. JoCa, Please ignore the deluded ramblings from the golfer in Dubai. Most of us here think you ideas are brilliant. The undersea casino idea is genius, but you've topped yourself with the plan of getting rid of Cheats FC's 8 highest earners. Who could possibly argue that that would help make the club healthy again? We're behind you 100%, and we wish you every success in your endeavors to become their 6th owner in the last couple of years. And if you do, we are confident that your visions will make the achievements of the past owners pale in comparison. Love, The PTS Nutjobs

Yep, that's it in a nutshell. Sad, isn't it?

But what will you do if we sign one of them?

At least one of the few seems to have finally learnt from the old adage: fool me 5 times, shame on you, fool me 6 times shame on me. "All in all, if Mr Cala wants to get (back) into football, I think I would prefer that he picked a club 17 miles west to start with."

Indeed. Good job we'll be sliding down to 17th soon.

Rules and Cheats FC don't belong in the same sentence (unless the word "broken" is thrown in too). Talking about Chinny keeping Cheats FC alive long enough to get his grubby hands on the remaining parachute payments, using a succession of gullible morons with dirty money - I'm a bit confused: didn't Corpse say (and I paraphrase) that the parachute money is ring-fenced, and that Cheats FC is so closely monitored by the FL that it's impossible for dirty money to be used to keep the cesspit alive?

It certainly is, Torres. They were allowed to bring in players when they had their embargo last season.

Those who bought its at its peak in February last year must be kicking themselves. A 2 cent stock sounds like quite a bargain, but not if it drops to 0.2 cent a year later. If Cala is Handy Andy's first choice, I can't wait to find out about his plan B consortium.

Translation: "We need £11 million (clean or filthy, we're not fussy) from some sucker in order to keep the cesspit of a club on life support long enough for Chinny to get his hands on the final parachute payments."

And also, why is AWAY in capitals?

Yes, but those threads are composed almost entirely of crap. Ours is full of witty, insightful and intelligent posts about crap. A subtle but important difference.

Wait, wait, over there ... Corpse has his hand up. Oh.

Would you mind telling that to Corpse? On second thoughts, I suspect corpses don't like hearing about vultures.

With the fancy upgrades to TSW server last year, we can now insert those small number thingies that go to the low right. Look at this: N2O That alone makes the annual £5 worth every penny.

Don't worry Nick. Once Chinny has his hands on the last parachute payment, it'll be game over for Cheats FC, and the wolves will tear the rotten carcass to shreds. Patience, my friend, patience.

Me too.

Very true. Does that fact just warm the cockles of your heart?

"I don't just expect to be promoted this year, I want us to be champions. When we are promoted to the Premier League I don't want people to think of us as immediate candidates for relegation. I see Southampton as a top-six Premier League club. Would I pay a player £100,000 or even £200,000 a week? Not if we were in the Premier League with a 32,000 capacity stadium. But if we were in the Champions League and had re-developed the ground to 50,000 then I might consider it." Nicola Cortese, 2011

After extensive searching, I have successfully found the following: Not anything, nothing, nonexistence, nullity, zero, nihility, diddly-squat, zip, zilch, nada.