Bearsy

clattenburg needs to learn not to attempt the simultaneous double-pick. One nostril at the time, Clattenburg! Otherwise you might suffocate.

I don't think scooby will be on here today, he's busy buying leather chaps + plucking his eyebrows

It does come across more as an advert for Adam Lallana PLC than a sincere effort to repair bridges with disgruntled fanbase, but whatever, I'll save my vitriol for more worthwhile targets! Is Osvaldo & Ramirez report back for training yet?

Tis a gateway drink

If you drink it while getting bummed, ur probably a gay

I would forgive all if he done that!

I voted lack grace, I mean it does lack grace! Whatever the circumstances of his departure, he had done 14 yrs. I'm not bothered tho, I don't require much grace from my os they can carry on as they are!

Should we have seen this coming? When you look closely at Adam's career you can see a clear pattern of such grievious abandonment and duplicity! 1987 - Mother's Womb Adam Lallana spent the first 9 months of his career in his mother's uterus. He was said to be very happy here, attached emotionally and physically to his hometown womb. Alas, Adam soon felt that he had outgrown his environs and after a brief period of contractual negotations ("contractions") he decided to move on. That he would callously abandon his own mother in this fashion is sadly indicative of Lallana's inherently defective morality, but nonetheless he put career before honour. And thus, on 10th May 1988 Adam Lallana fell from his mother's vaginal lips into the waiting hands of an obstetrician, blinked dimly at the world, and did a Cruyff turn. 1999 - Bournemouth AFC Young Adam Lallana lost his footballing cherry at Bournemouth, which was ideal because the Cherries are experts in losing at football. By the age of 12 however he felt, correctly, that his talent had already outstripped what is generally considered appropriate for public consumption at Dean Court and sought a move to south coast giants, Southampton FC. 2000 - Southampton FC I wasn't actually there when Adam Lallana lost his virginity, but it seems a safe bet that after a period of vag kissing he did a Cruyff turn and shot weakly at her tits. These are skills for which he became rightly renowned at Southampton, I mean other than the vag being a badge and the tits being opposition goalkeepers, but you know what I'm saying. I ought to mention also that it was during the early years at Southampton that Adam had his heart removed. The story put about was a "defective valve", but I think we all know the true reason. Despite having no heart Adam found it very difficult to escape the malevolent clutches of Southampton. Over a period of 14 years he was repeatedly forced to accept large payments and 5 year contracts, and in the end he only managed to effect escape from the torture of life as a footballing south-cost demi-god by telling the club, it's staff and loyal fanbase to collectively get fucked. 2014 - England In June of 2014 Adam Lallana abandoned Southampton and signed for England FC. However they could not afford him Champions League football, or to be honest football of any kind, so Adam once again was reduced to seeking opportunities for career advancement elsewhere. 2014 - Liverpool Nowhere are the arts of badge-kissing more valued that at Liverpool. The entire city operates under an unchallenged delusion that they are somehow special. How long Adam will stay at Anfield is unclear, but it is sure to end the moment he finds an opportunity. One thing is for certain, whatever Adam does next will be preceded by a Cruyff turn. RIP

I thought we was mostly joking + hyperbole! I don't suppose he's done anything actually evil. To paraphrase my good mate PG, we could scrutinise Lallana's actions for a twelve-month and I doubt we'd find anything worse than his beard.

Good call, I hear she has 3.75m NOK coming her way

Lol @ Osvaldo getting his mum to call in sick. BWAAAAAARK!

I dunno that you'd want it all up front, with all these sales Big Kat is gonna be in serious danger of recording a profit & having to hand over loads of dollar to tony blair in corporation tax. No-one wants that, tony blair has got enough money!

shhhh you'll get me fracted again!

ooh that's good! It's only the surplus d that separates us from perfection!

O RLY!

@adamlallana probably

Adam has driven me to this! Lucidity! Moral outrage! Grammar! I hope he's ashamed.

That sounds suspiciously like going on strike, the most reprehensible action available for millionaire footballers who decide they do not wish to honour their contracts.

eugenics bode well for saints european ambitions

gross

Is croatia a new one too?

you may be onto something, my gf 3 or 4 back was a croatia and she had this hair. It was her best feature! Her bad features was laughing with mad enthusiasm at things that ain't even slightest bit funny like i.e. my knob or the tv show How I Fucked Yo Momma, and talking endlessly about the Dumb Civil War. These are also prob balkan traits. Edit: Is croatia even balkans? I feel like it's out that way somewhere.

Dad is a c*nt

Can't remember the last time I saw Full Bush, that's not cos I'm Savile, it's just the way birds is nowadays. On head hair I am v.drawn to birds with fake red dye-jobs. I dunno why. My mum had this sort of hair when I was younger but we like to think this is Coincidence. This is my fave head hair colour, I like it when it is bit rust looking: