rallyboy

Now, if a bloke dressed as an old woman had shouted that in a fake Irish accent on prime-time BBC, it would be hilarious!

Let's not deny democracy - our fellow citizens love Mrs Brown's Boys, they think it's hilarious, subtle, and awash with beautifully-crafted characters delivering complex scripts that work on several levels. And that tells you everything you need to know about the general public.

Boris makes up whatever suits his agenda on the day shock. Voters lap it up and point at other stuff to distract from the fact they've been conned. Again.

It was all very well organised, everyone was given a little plastic flag to hold, ready for waving when Nigel said. The flags were made in China, though someone had crossed out their name on the box and scrawled England. Then the rest of the gang came in, Katie Hopkins, Tommy Robinson, Rees-Mogg, the EDL, UKIP, Gove and the weird-looking King of the Poor from Wetherspoons, joking with the smug billionaire traders and newspaper owners standing quietly at the back. We all huddled together as one, me and my people, united in celebration, ready for the big moment. As we waited for a short millionaire to screech bong through a megaphone, I wondered how it came to this - shoulder-to-shoulder with the filthy-rich, and stood between Ann Widdecombe and Rupert Lowe, both of them frothing-at-the-mouth and jabbering uncontrollably about Pinkos, and the beautiful glory of war. I held my little flag tight and we all listened to Robinson as he persistently explained the Koran to everyone - he seems to know a lot more about Sharia law than he does about UK law. Hopkins grinned that mad starey-eyed false grin she does and hugged me, for a little bit too long - she thanked me, and a venture capitalist shook my hand, then wiped his on a handkerchief. So this is what everyone here had fought so hard for, yet in the cold light of this new dawn, looking at my people around me, I wondered how I ended up in this gang - and where they intended to take me next. Robinson continued to rant, the megaphone crackled into life, and we all held up our little flags awaiting further instruction... Mondeo Man 2020

That handball moment was what VAR was invented for - the opportunity to review in slow motion whether a player has moved his arm to prevent a goalscoring opportunity. Not to check it was beyond bonkers. The referees have fanatically clamped down on offside like it's a war crime, but have left everything else in an inconsistent mess - they even checked for offside when they were meant to be looking at the Delle foul. It's great technology but it's been given to simpletons to operate.

Where are all of these woke lefties? Are they the same people who are pinko, sandal-wearing, liberal-elite, vegan, Corbynista, tree-hugging, Londoncentric, remoaner snowflakes, or is that another big group that I've missed? And if there are so many of them, why did they all vote Tory last month? Our country is a mixed up place these days....in the olden days you used to know who was what, and why.

Only ten days and it's all over. Glad we can put all that nonesense behind us and we won't hear a word about it ever again. Hold tight though, once Boris has agreed everything and got Brexit done by next week as he promised on numerous occasions, that dam of investment is splitting open and flooding the country with billions of pounds. We are going to be knee-deep in cash, it's going to be a right old mess.

Are we glossing over the Daily Mail's straight outta Compton jibe? She's from Crenshaw, nowhere near Compton, so it was only used so they could make their point about her background. Straight outta Compton is a reference to the NWA album, for those who don't know the work of the local GP Dr Dre, NWA stands for Ni@@as with attitude. She was described thus the Daily Mail, which might be the type of thing that would annoy a husband. And if anyone wants to defend their use of that bizarre link, don't. Just don't.

They should try someone with connections to the cladding company for Grenfell.... Oh, too late, Boris has already snapped them up.

How refreshing to see a Daily Mail story that doesn't reference colour or religion, I didn't know they had it in them. Perhaps the sports dept could have a word with the hate-peddling, immigrant-bashing, truth-dodging newsdesk bigots and find them a sensible path back to the mainstream media so they could once again be regarded as a serious attempt at a newspaper?

While I'm happy to accept it if Long is ruled offside by three centimetres in the current climate, the only image I saw showed the ball about two foot long having already left the foot. There also seemed to be differences in the way the two players were measured, Long from the shoulder, their guy from the armpit. It would be good to see some clear images, shot at a frame rate for the job.

Brilliant - just brilliant.

It's not that VAR has been kind to us, referees have previously been 'unkind'. We are currently getting correct decisions. No more Watford punched goals, no more fantasy offsides against Yoshida, no more getting robbed by Man Utd offside decisions.

Just seen the 'outrageous decision' tonight....if Rice hadn't put his arm out to block the ball, it was cleared. He controlled the ball with his arm = handball, the end. It's not a VAR issue, if people want goals assisted by handball, it's the law that needs changing.

We need end product! While I love seeing Boufal ghost past three defenders, there is a point where the ball should be released or delivered, and all our 'flair players' sometimes need to sharpen up their decision-making. There is a limit to how many times Bertrand will sprint up on an overlap expecting a pass, only to discover that the ball has been lost in a second attempt at ghosting past the three. Call me old school, but showboating should be the exclusive domain of the team that is three-up, not one-down. I recall Tadic skinning a Chelsea defender, he dummied him about three times, it was brilliant......however, 30 seconds later the ball was in our net. Hopefully decision-making and end product is being gently-coached into the more skilled members of the squad....

They need to accept that they just finished bottom of the table with 0 points and require a massive clearout and rethink. And any new leader needs to be squeaky clean and incredibly thick-skinned, because the usual suspect media outlets are out there today, building a stock of stories to attack each candidate. Even though some might suggest that at this stage the healthier approach for a balanced society might be to hold to account those who are actually in power...

Inconsistency is my main annoyance. In Arsenal Leeds there was little, the use of cards was laughable - that inconsistency is spilling into VAR too, which suggests it's the guys implementing it who need to get their act together.

P04.

There was a reminder of the alternative at the weekend when some of the games were played without using the offside rule at all. Norwich scored two with clear offsides - it was like a playground kick-about, jumpers as goalposts. Or have officials got used to someone else making the decision and telling them?

2-0 up - I tell you this for nothing, I'm looking forward to the draw!

I have few issues with VAR. I'd just like some laws of the game tidied up, and most importantly, competent independent people operating the system. Asking a ref to judge whether his mate has made a mistake, is a ridiculous concept. It needs to be sold to refs as an assistant, not a jury. See rugby.

That Prowsie challenge reminded me how my knee ligaments went a few years back.

Other than Delle Ali weeping like a child everytime he falls over, is there a sweeter sight than Toby being dumped on his ar$e as we score?

Ralph mate, I owe you an apology! I started to doubt you after that gutless West Ham debacle. Prove me wrong again on Saturday...

My personal measure, and it may be wrong, is that when kids are going through school bins looking for food, that's poverty.. Either way, it's the season of goodwill to all men, even though who are beyond reasonable debate and would swear that black is white, so Merry Christmas.