rallyboy

The irony of a bloke called Shurlock dismissing the idea of a proper investigation! Do tell me what evidence we have in the public domain today, that you would put before the CPS? Not the mad ramblings of a couple of dodgy Russians, not the wild claims by tabloids, just map out the solid evidence we have that would help us convict these guys...

I just said we haven't yet seen enough evidence to convict them - a simple statement of fact that anyone with a basic knowledge of the CPS would agree with. Having a chaotic and odd holiday or threatening to walk to Stonehenge isn't an actual offence, it just seems quite unlikely. As for people thinking that these two are the best operatives that the Russian State can offer, good luck with that! The clever bit will be if we do actually have something to place them at the scene but we're saving it for the slim hope of extradition. And at least one of you needs to calm down and read the frigging posts rather than going all kneejerk like a gammony frothing-at-the-mouth Daily Mail reader. Look at the facts that are out there, and tell me how we can convict on that alone.

Their explanation fits nicely with their initial visit - laughable. If guilty they must be the world's worst hitmen - it's like the final outing for the Chuckle Brothers. And I've seen nothing that under normal circumstances would get them convicted in the UK. No evidence to put them at the door, no physical or dna evidence, no link to the unfortunate who picked up the bottle, just lots of images of two thickos windowshopping. If they are guilty, we can't prove it. But it doesn't half distract an easily-led media away from a government in crisis.

Chaplin just broke the HeroVillainometer.

They do realise that their local rivals are now Eastleigh and Havant?

There's a a mistake on the fixtures. I was assured that we'd be playing them this season but I've been through the whole lot twice and someone seems to have missed them off. Presumably Sky are keeping them as their biggest game of the season and we all have to wait until they decide when they want the two matches played.

It's become very clear in recent years that there is a distinct lack of quality and skills at the top of government - of all flavours. If you ask idiots to represent you and negotiate anything important, don't be surprised when it turns into a total clusterfuc£. There are people currently shaping our future, who I wouldn't trust to sit the correct way on a toilet.

The people have sent a weak and unstable idiot out to play poker on our behalf with a hand containing a two, a library card, one Top Trump and Mrs Bun the Baker's wife, and those who froth at the mouth the most are now looking surprised that it's all going a little bit Pete.

Yep they're still enjoying real football in the backwaters, but they are going to spend big, big, big! Mainly because they need a safety certificate and a pitch that drains, but they've dressed that up as some glorious future investment and the plucky faithful have translated that as a new 35k-seater stadium that will make the Harbourdome look like the Withdean. And re the new signing who is all excited because he saw the mighty blue army when he was a boy...I saw Slade when I was a boy but it doesn't make me want to team up with Dave Hill and tour in 2018. That would be crazee.

Of all the countries he was likely to declare war on, I didn't expect Canada to be the first target. I'm looking forward to that free trade deal with the US that Boris told us about....should be finalised any day now.

Stevie wasn't detained for reporting a trial, he was arrested for contempt of court because he was interfering with a trial - for the second time. There are thousands of people on social media who need to get informed before they jump on the far right freedom bus. The far right is clumsily selling the idea that illegally quizzing defendants, solicitors and jury members within the precincts of the court is the same as reporting the facts. People can either choose to buy in as it suits their agenda - or perhaps follow meekly along because they're as thick as pig's ****? Either way, if you are looking for a genuine free speech battle to support, and there are many out there, this isn't one.

I'm not a massive Stones fan but when they're playing in your back garden it's only polite to attend - and they were bloody awesome. It was the best thing I've seen on that pitch since Boufal scored against West Brom, and if Boufal was as fit and dedicated as Jagger he wouldn't be on the youth team's summer minibus trip to Butlins Minehead. It was a great show - and you don't leave SMS muttering that very often these days.

It's a simple tale which requires no complex analysis. A man was arrested for breaking laws which apply to everyone. He repeated the offence and was jailed. The end.

Let's just clarify, Stephen Yaxley-Lennon aka man-on-the-street Tommy Robinson was not jailed for telling the truth or exposing wrongdoing - do not believe the social media hype, he's no warrior of free speech. Neither was he silenced to protect offenders - as Bexy points out, his stupidity could have led to alleged rapists walking free, as their defence solicitor could have pointed to his reckless interference in the case. The style of his Facebooking Live within the precincts of the court could have destroyed the entire police investigation. His actions were the height of so-called citizen journalism stupidity - a man with zero grasp of UK law drives a bus through the restrictions regarding the reporting of court cases, then reverses over the survivors.... On the other point, some might suggest that if a man behaves like a moron and sounds like a moron while repeating the mistakes of history, there's a pretty good chance that he is a touch moronic.

Indeed, Trousers deals with all enquiries, he's happy to talk newcomers through the whole thread, one page at a time, explaining every reference and offering unique background analysis.

You guys need to let this go. There is nothing remotely funny about us dodging a relegation that was nailed on for nine months and ruining their party that they sang about for ninety minutes every week. Nor is it comical that they dodged a play-off place when their goalkeeper's attempt to replicate Boufal's goal against West Brom ended abruptly in his own six yard box against the Bury youth team. However crap the season is, it's always nice to see someone worse off. But there's nothing to see here, so move along.

It did even out, we got robbed of two points for a blatant handball that even made Stevie Wonder wince, but we then won a throw-in on the halfway line against Man Utd that maybe should have been theirs. The same as when Kevin Friend was playing for Liverpool and on that one day his mistakes cost us a league place - we won a goalkick that season that should have been a corner. So it all evens out.

Having tried both clubs without much success, anyone know someone who dropped their gym card in all the excitement at the end of the game the other night? It has a scrawly signature and no clues to the name. Ask around - I can reunite owner and card.

I felt a bit sorry for Swansea, in a nostalgic way. They looked like we did before we appointed a manager who grasps the basic principles of the sport. They were toothless, jittery, with feeble performances all over the pitch, and even when things were desperate they couldn't muster a proper attack. It was like watching us play against our old selves - which gave me confidence that they would never score. I don't know if Hughes is the man to build a club around long term, but if you are in trouble, forget the old Pardew, Pulis and Allardyce gang - there's a new daddy in town.

If you have three apples and two oranges, why on earth did you outbid the rest of the Premier League to sign unaffordable players?

My recollection is that the restrictions on use always ruled out selling the site and cramming houses and commercial property on it. The only way they'll get money for The Fortress of Fat is if they stick it on Homes Under the Hammer and some dimwit local builder jumps in without reading the legal pack. But at least he'll get Nelson's computer table, the shroud of Turin and the grassy knoll used by the CIA.

I admire any keeper who has the confidence and technical skill to attempt a Cruyff turn on the edge of his own six yard box... That said, the training ground is probably the best place to have your first clumsy attempt, rather than in an actual match. But it was worth it for the comedy value - a nice way to confirm Division Three status next season.

Before the toothless and their sisters rise from their hibernation and return here to celebrate their love of Bournemouth, let's give a nod of recognition to Mack. He didn't hide, he kept sticking his head up even when his club closed to make way for a new one and became irrelevant to the rest of football. Fair play to him.

Do they really want to reopen that enormous comedy warehouse? It's packed full of arms dealers, unpaid players, club-financed prostitutes, heather-peddling simpletons who will believe anything, false accounts, a tax-dodging dog, ridiculous estimates of people on Southsea Common, kids with their legs blown off, backhanders, a poor innocent woman on a mobility scooter and a level of delusion normally associated with serious mental health issues. So please stop them from reopening the 2008 cup debate - it won't end there, we'll have an underwater casino before you know it and Maradona will be watching the World Cup Final next to HMS Warrior while his tubby mate sells ice creams. I can't go through all that again.

When you lose your biggest game of the season against a top team from London, with the whole world watching, it's gonna hurt. That said, Charlton Athletic must have been surprised at the home fans booing their own plucky heroes.