rallyboy

Seven goals conceded in two home games - defending is the immediate issue to address. I don't want to go all Puel, but it's no time for gung-ho experimental attacking options. We need to get organised again - from the back. But Ralph knows this, in him we trust....

I wouldn't be brave enough to take a dog near their 'chefs'....anyone else noticed how there are a lot of missing cats in the areas close to the ground?

Ralph should have listened to the fans when things weren't going well and got everyone to just kick the ball as high and as far as possible. That is often my favourite bit when we're not playing well, the vocal spectators who favour the Wimbledon 1980s approach. Hoofball - the answer to every footballing crisis.

It's all very well Kat potentially buying back in, which seems unlikely, but will the calm and positivity of her return instantly shore up a leaky defence? I think Ralph perhaps needs to prioritise what happens on the pitch rather than being sad and distracted by boardroom issues.

Did anyone else laugh out loud when Boris said the Conservatives are the party of the NHS? It's like saying the badger cull is great news for badgers. He's beyond parody now. I do hope they commission a second series, this first one's been hilarious.

Behind the triumphant press releases it doesn't sound like Boris has actually come up with anything new. So when it fails and he blames the EU for dismissing a backstop solution that has already been dismissed by all sides, can we turn the attention back on Boris? He sold the original idea, spent a couple of years smugly boasting how easy it should be, worked to block a deal, then promised to deliver one. Cumming's strategy is so transparent even the most dedicated Daily Mail reader could predict it. It's going to fail - and it's going to be everyone else's fault.

Don't forget, Eisner intends them to be a global brand within ten years. While Barcelona, Liverpool, Real, Bayern and Juventus are quaking in their boots, I'll tell Mr Eisner four nothing, that from what we witnessed last Tuesday, his project has a little way to go.

Presumably they forgot to turn the 12th man up to 11 today.

Let's remember, for advanced thinkers it wasn't just an In or Out vote - it was, if I vote Out, forever, do I trust David Cameron's austerity government to get a good deal for all of us? Brexiteers put their trust in the likes of Johnson, Gove, Fox and Grayling. That trust was misplaced as we were promised how quickly these unicorn trade deals would be in place, before David Davis headed straight off like a rude tourist, banging tables, demanding this and that, arrogantly telling everyone how easy this would be and how we'd tell the EU who was boss! We were also going to shout in the faces of China, India and the US to make demands - because everyone needs us more than we need them. To think more realistically based on facts is to talk us down, to be a snowflake and a traitor....remember, we'd heard enough from experts. To plan ahead we set up a ferry company that didn't have any ships, and Raab discovered that Dover and Calais are ports, and that Ireland has some historical divides, while boasting that the UK leads the world in every single field of human endeavour. I don't camp outside royal weddings wearing a Union Jack suit, but I'm as patriotic as the next guy, and the clever way to get the best deal would have been to be polite and ruthless, not arrogant and fanciful. Boris blatantly lied to those voters, he's still doing it now. He's clearly not negotiating, he thinks he has a loophole to force us into the chaos that his billionaire backers need, I'm pretty sure he hasn't as his advisors are idiots. So we now have to follow a puppet of hedge funds and extremists, who will fail us. When he fails to deliver his clear promise, his masterplan will be to blame foreigners for not giving in to his unworkable fantasist demands, and to incite further death threats against MPs and judges.

Yeah, remember what happened after he went shopping in Salisbury.

The PR plan is so transparent. Cummings has workshopped expressions and told Boris and his loyal puppet army to chuck in the words surrender, traitor, chickens running away from the voters etc at every opportunity, to build a fake message. It's strong and stable all over again - and the dim are lapping it up. Meanwhile people are getting death threats, and chaos reigns. The type of chaos that hedge funds love....

It is.

Adults giving abuse is one thing, but cross-eyed, six-fingered, mudlark toddlers foaming-at-the-mouth with hate? It didn't bother the players in the slightest...just as it didn't bother ten-man Burton or nine-man Coventry. Their 12th man is a myth. It even inspired Cedric to score his annual goal. The only people worried by seeing that pointless and tinpot abuse were social workers.

You're going to the vets in a pompey horsebox.

Had we lost tonight all the deluded myth-spreading freaks would have been out. A word on Mack - he's a freak too, clearly, but he's the only one on here through thick and thin. You wouldn't catch him punching a police horse before being battered like a Chipperfield's monkey.

Did I just hear them say 11-0 on the news?...

The No Deal dream team of Dominic Cummings and Boris Johnson just lost 11-0. It seems that the hedge funds and US healthcare corporations backed the Chuckle Brothers. As for Johnson, this is not news, he's been lying all his life - this is the first time someone has bothered to take him to the supreme court.

Things that might happen... Boufal makes several of them look silly - there is little end product, but four of them get booked for fouling him. Prowsie charges around like a demented rhino and gets assaulted every time he takes a corner. Romeu dines on raw meat before the match and has to be subbed before he's sent off. Someone unlikely has a life-changing moment and writes themselves into folklore with a goal and celebration in front of the Fratton End - Stephens, Yoshida, Vestergaard perhaps? 10,000 Saints fans claim they were there, in ten years time. It's a dull uninspiring 2-0 away win.

Who?

Though it pains me to say it, in the cold light of day, Bournemouth and Spurs are more important games than the cup game, so if players need resting, they should be protected for next weekend - Ralph has a balancing act on his hands. Next week could see the first local derby in history when we have rested players. A sad reflection on the sorry state of them.

My mad old mate Les went out one night, had a few jars, then woke up the next day in a skip, with his pants on his head, to discover that he'd lost a drunken bet at 3am and had bought both Guido Carrilo and Wesley Hoedt. Nutter.

If I had to guess I suspect the old fella might be talking about recorded incidents of racism from fans or players, within the sport commonly known as football? But that is a wild guess, so don't quote me on it - the original poster might need to clarify the key details.

It always amuses me when little clubs claim their atmosphere will frighten visiting players. Players with experience of World Cup finals, Champions' League finals, Brazil v Argentina, Barca v Real, Boca v River Plate, Milan derbies, Old Firm games, Galatasary away etc, have all played in games down there during their Premier League blip, and locals expected those guys to be overawed and frozen with fear by a trip to the Fortress of Fat. The limited numbers of Coventry and Burton seemed to cope with it, though it must have been lonely for them at times without many players around them, and the freedom of the pitch.

That video was hilariously short of teeth, IQ and facts. Fair play to the older guy who seemed to realise that it's only football, and to the majority of players who have to work amid that freak show and were mainly running away. Even TCWTB said something sensible in between the made-up stats.

Appalling front page, but that's what they do. The real worry is the number of people who buy it.