rallyboy

It's pretty clear that this motley band of toxic misfits and corrupt loons will fail to deliver on the promises. But the strategy will already be in place. Their failure will be the fault of Corbyn, the Lib Dems and or the EU, never their own. So get extra popcorn and a comfy cushion, the Boris months will be a hilarious parade of mistruths, spin aimed at the gullible, and gaffes. Grayling's final act was to order our handcart for the forthcoming journey - from a company that doesn't have any.

Difficult to know where I stand on that one. Unless I'm wearing a raincoat and wellies, then I'm happy to stand anywhere around the pool.

Little things like that won't worry Kenny Jackett's red, white and blue army.

This turbo-charged MegaFixture is clearly being moved to Wembley as the trusty Fortress can no longer hold the plucky blue army in such vast numbers, and they have their own dressing room at Wembley after winning the cup which didn't count when we won it, was boycotted like a dentist for all rounds bar the final, and is now held up as akin to a pot by Jules Rimet. The music festival was worried that the headliners would be playing to an empty field, and probably wouldn't even be able to get onto the island because of the traffic chaos caused by the frenzy to back Jackett's brave troops on their all-conquering journey as they battle all the way to the Premier League and reclaim their status as equals to Boscombe. And while we are on facts, as they pleaded not to be wound up over theft and fraud, it was claimed that every home game brought £13 million into the city. Which is funnier than anything I've ever made up, but could lead to some big compensation payouts to cafes and taxi drivers.

If there's nothing on your journey that could be improved by a minor tweak, you are very fortunate.

Personally I wish I'd heard her husband coming up the garden path slightly earlier. Maybe overtaking that lorry in Curdridge wasn't as wise as I thought at the time. That white trousers and shoes combo was a mistake. Other than that, I've been fairly happy just learning as I go. But anyone who says they have no regrets is kidding themselves - and no one else.

The two halves of that sentence are jostling for supremacy.

The betting industry will be keen to gather data on problem gamblers - so they can continue to milk them.

It's better than the pre-season when they explained how they struggled because they were too fit - or that holiday where they invited all-comers to a training camp that didn't cost a penny. I miss those simple glory days - pedalling across Europe on stolen bicycles, living in makeshift shelters in the woods and dining on exotic rodents. That was a proper value-for-money pre-season, long before they followed the Barcelona model and splashed out on a Sports Direct table tennis set.

VAR is not the problem, it's a simple tool that gives you a chance to review - a proven system that really works in cricket and rugby league. The issue is that the people who run football appear incapable of organising the most basic things. First we had extra officials who never made a decision, now we have decisions taking seven minutes! The use of it in the last fortnight has been ludicrous, it's a specialist job that needs quality people behind it. Currently we seem to have Chris Grayling sat in his shed with a packet of biscuits, reviewing footage on his Nokia. Get decisive experienced referees monitoring footage and we should get more correct and swift decisions - and players spitting or stamping will get sent off.

I must have lost three years of my life trapped in here. The ridiculous events just kept coming, every time I tried to escape they did something else illegal or hilarious. It was like an extended Ken Dodd show, but with more tax evasion. And just when you think it's all calmed down, Avram Grant pops up again...I bet he can't wait for an opportunity to get into Newcastle and rebuild. No doubt he'll be splashing out on youngsters this summer.

Cameroon didn't seem to understand the offside law - or realise that spitting and elbowing is frowned upon. Phil Neville absolutely nailed it post-match, a sentence I thought I'd never say.

I see the Championship fixtures are out today - when are we playing pompey?

Southsea Common is awash with caravans as travellers have moved on next to the D-Day event... This will be an interesting test of Hampshire police powers - and whether they can be bothered to use them. Having the FBI on side probably gives them the edge.

Big day today - if pompey beat Charlton at Wembley, and they are hot favourites, we'll be playing them next season. I know we've heard this for three years now, but today it feels as close as it's ever been.

Bearing in mind it takes us about four minutes to complete a throw-in, they have no need to rush.

Every fan can pretend that they are happy in Division Three but it isn't 1972 and Eisner needs the increased income from The Championship. He is now heading for three consecutive seasons of financial losses just at a time when the gulf between divisions opens up further. They may well have some glory days when they grab a result against bigger clubs like Barnsley and Luton, but the owner needs income - and for the business side of planning and financing the required new stadium, last night was a total disaster.

After three failed play-offs they can at least still count on one hand the number of games they played.

Ouch, that must have hurt.

Ipswich at home in 1981. Fell 3-1 down to at least one dodgy goal, the crowd got fired up and so did the players. I may be wrong but I recall them scoring with Graham Baker (?) laying injured for a while, ref played on, he lay there playing them onside - but it was a long time ago! We came back to win 4-3.

Trader who will make money from Brexit pretends he cares about democracy so he can make money from Brexit.....the Rees-Mogg approach. Does Rupert still live in Kent? I'm sure that's what someone said about him - it sounds like he does/is.

I reckon the title was decided tonight - Liverpool must have been relying on United turning up with some fight. Newcastle could even decide it before the final weekend...and I can't see Brighton and Burnley defending an onslaught for 90 mins.

If you have signed a contract as a professional sportsperson, you are always speaking in that capacity. Once you have retired and are no longer tied by a contract with club or country, that prevents you from damaging the brand, you are free to spout any old homophobic or racist nonesense you want. You can't be sacked then, just ridiculed.

Hate speech breaks the law, there is no problem for free speech. We just have to see where the line is declared.