Verbal

And after that, Brian Jones ended up where?

V much this. But I doubt he'll stay.

Are you on loan from another club? Either way we thank you for signing on for another 12 months.

Is the correct answer. Pretty sure Daniel Peretz isn't going to concede a goal because he was busy saying hello to a pigeon.

I'll happily write a reference for him...

Not so much of a kid any more - Ollie Wright is 23 or 24 now. He was very highly regarded at Acc Stanley last season.

I'm proud too but I'll be as far away from one of those cruise ships as possible. Never know what you might catch. Instead I'll be cottaging in the Cotswolds.

If we were as serious about spying as you suspect, then I can't believe the club just sent an ill-equipped intern to do it - someone least likely to get what was wanted. But that's exactly what they did.

I may be wrong but isn't his mouth a rectum transplant?

Quite so. If you look at his website he manages to bury his involvement with the Post Office in a long list of toady-for-hire jobs he's done. So his literally daily obsession with Saints and our supposedly toxic culture take hypocrisy to new, dizzying heights. What - and I use this term advisedly - a total cunt.

Anyone wanting to make a list of the scumbags coming out of the woodwork for holier-than-thou takes on Spygate could probably start with this one. A moral lecture on poor "culture" from a character who whitewashed corporate behaviour that led to the bankruptcy, false imprisonment and suicides of innocent postmasters.

Finally, someone on saintsweb has given us a true scale by which to measure Tonda's offence: worse than pedophilia.

I'm adding this to the admissions already made by the club.

That's a non-denial denial.

Can you give us advance notice when you plan to do this again?

I think that while all of this is true - and I agree with it - it's hard to get one's head around the fact that all of this colossal damage has flowed from an intern hiding behind a tree with an iphone. The sheer dissonance of it all, rather than any blind eyes being turned, is probably in the minds a lot of those voting for him to stay.

Le Pew?

The two biggest questions, among many, in my view, are: did Tonda know and did he act on what he knew? I highly doubt that there's anyone outside the club who has evidence on those yet, for all the noise coming out of Boro and online.

Will Salt's "I was major espionage plotter" story falls apart as actual footage from his iPhone is released.

FORGET SPYGATE, THIS IS THE REAL SCANDAL!!

That's how the story started out. Then it was "professional recording equipment' (which at that filming distance that most certainly is not - take it from a professional), then drones, then other clubs were spied on, then there was a whistleblower...and on and on. The whole thing has toppled over on its own ridiculousness.

And now gone again

If anyone hears of any vacancies at the club I've actually got secret filming on my CV.

That argument, which Hellboy himself resorted to, is real look-at-me-I'm-a-genius stuff - and only really relevant if you're interested in studying how previously he brilliantly moved Boro out of the autos down to 5th.

I'd prefer it if the two of them could say they've done some journalism so that they can tell us whether it's actually true. It wouldn't totally surprise me, but on the other hand it's in the Telegraph.