sadoldgit Posted 13 March, 2015 Share Posted 13 March, 2015 Question: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer: A fish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadoldgit Posted 13 March, 2015 Share Posted 13 March, 2015 When Sir Paul McCartney proposed to Heather Mills, do you think he went down on one knee? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dronskisaint Posted 19 March, 2015 Share Posted 19 March, 2015 When Sir Paul McCartney proposed to Heather Mills, do you think he went down on one knee? He was warned that she was a bit unbalanced.......but nothing a couple of beer mats wouldn't sort! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dronskisaint Posted 19 March, 2015 Share Posted 19 March, 2015 Bought her a plane for her birthday too..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 20 March, 2015 Share Posted 20 March, 2015 When Sir Paul McCartney proposed to Heather Mills, do you think he went down on one knee? You really shouldn't call her 'one knee'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadoldgit Posted 24 March, 2015 Share Posted 24 March, 2015 You really shouldn't call her 'one knee'. ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 24 March, 2015 Share Posted 24 March, 2015 How does the sun cut its hair? Eclipse it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadoldgit Posted 24 March, 2015 Share Posted 24 March, 2015 Why did the pervert cross the road? He was still stuck up the chicken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 24 March, 2015 Share Posted 24 March, 2015 Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the pervert. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buctootim Posted 24 March, 2015 Share Posted 24 March, 2015 My girlfriend got her test results back from the doctor. It not good, we only have a month left together. "Cancer?" "No, she's pregnant." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 24 March, 2015 Share Posted 24 March, 2015 I used to go out with a cross eyed girl. It didn't work out, she was seeing other people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadoldgit Posted 24 March, 2015 Share Posted 24 March, 2015 What is a difference between greyhound racing and Gary Glitter? Gary gets there before the hair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marsdinho Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 When my sister said she was of to join ISIS, I was actually relieved when I found out that she meant the terrorist organisation, and not the strip club in Southampton !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coxford_lou Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 When my sister said she was of to join ISIS, I was actually relieved when I found out that she meant the terrorist organisation, and not the strip club in Southampton !!! That is weak! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 It's a local joke for local people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 That is weak! You haven't seen his sister with no clothes on – we're all bloody relieved that the minter's not joining our strip club. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coxford_lou Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 It's a local joke for local people. Bearsy, quit being so nice and understanding to other people.... That's my USP!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 That is weak! Read the thread title Lou Lou sweety..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 ISIS is lame strip club tho. Flash some ankle! Loosen ur hood! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 You haven't seen his sister with no clothes on – we're all bloody relieved that the minter's not joining our strip club. Rule 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 ISIS is lame strip club tho. Flash some ankle! Loosen ur hood! Umm, don't most of them have loose hoods already? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coxford_lou Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 Read the thread title Lou Lou sweety..... Oh yeah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 Umm, don't most of them have loose hoods already? ew tripb pls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coxford_lou Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 ISIS is lame strip club tho. Flash some ankle! Loosen ur hood! To be fair, I'm probably not in the best position to critique. My only experience of a strip club is watching a Demi Moore film. Plus I accidentally went into a Hooters once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 Rule 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 Plus I accidentally went into a Hooters once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 To be fair, I'm probably not in the best position to critique. My only experience of a strip club is watching a Demi Moore film. Plus I accidentally went into a Hooters once. I have been various times, but only on Works Outings in Birmingham. This is what I have learned bout Strip Clubs in my visits: When you see i.e. in movies that strip clubs is "No Touching" that is lies, there is loads of Touching! Bros is also tell the "No Touching" lies to their wifes Sometimes they suddenly bring you small bottle of champagne they say you ordered, but you never ordered! And they charge you £70 for it If ur boss pays loads of money they take you in private room, push you against wall, and whisper in ur ear, "No biting, no visible marks" and these is there only two rules In the more Chain ones like Legs 11 there is more Rules, so what they do is they try and make you take them home for the night and want you to pay £350, but I'm like no tks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaMarlin Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 Meanwhile, today in Japan they have been celebrating the birthday of the oldest surviving kamikaze pilot. Or as he's better known, Chicken Teriyaki. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coxford_lou Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 I have been various times, but only on Works Outings in Birmingham. This is what I have learned bout Strip Clubs in my visits: When you see i.e. in movies that strip clubs is "No Touching" that is lies, there is loads of Touching! Bros is also tell the "No Touching" lies to their wifes Sometimes they suddenly bring you small bottle of champagne they say you ordered, but you never ordered! And they charge you £70 for it If ur boss pays loads of money they take you in private room, push you against wall, and whisper in ur ear, "No biting, no visible marks" and these is there only two rules In the more Chain ones like Legs 11 there is more Rules, so what they do is they try and make you take them home for the night and want you to pay £350, but I'm like no tks A whole market geared at blokes who got married thinking it would mean they'd get guaranteed sex, who then discover you've got to be good at sex for your wife to enjoy it, but they're too incompetent to figure out how to do it properly, so end up getting no action, and resorting to strip clubs and lying to their wives. I just hope the dancers get well paid! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 (edited) I have found out bout this cos when they get bored they come and chat with you at bar. At i.e. Legs XI, they have to pay the club say £200 per night to work there (they have to pay in advance at start of night), but whatever money they get out of the punters they get to keep. At most other ones, they take you to a till to pay, and the strip girls is just get like a percentage at the end of week. Edited 31 March, 2015 by Bearsy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coxford_lou Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 I have found out bout this cos when they get bored they come and chat with you at bar. At i.e. Legs XI, they have to pay the club say £200 per night to work there (they have to pay in advance at start of night), but whatever money they get out of the punters they get to keep. At most other ones, they take you to a till to pay, and the strip girls is just get like a percentage at the end of week. Really?! Blimey, tough life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 I don't think they're struggling tbh lou. There is money, in tits. If I was advising someone re: investments, i would strongly suggest they look into the tits futures markets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 In the more Chain ones like Legs 11 there is more Rules, so what they do is they try and make you take them home for the night and want you to pay £350, but I'm like no tks Some of these chains are very expensive, it definitely pays to shop around. I've found Cherry Trees Homes For The Bewildered to be very reasonably priced. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coxford_lou Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 I don't think they're struggling tbh lou. There is money, in tits. If I was advising someone re: investments, i would strongly suggest they look into the tits futures markets Yes, but lack of guaranteed income, means an incentive to do more risky things to gain the cash... Same issue with bankers and their bonuses, and politicians. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 Yes, but lack of guaranteed income, means an incentive to do more risky things to gain the cash Examples pls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 Examples pls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 Ew eyebrows is too thin + overpluck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 Ew eyebrows is too thin + overpluck I was looking at the food. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 I like how on the left you can see a mum there with a little kid. Wholesome Family Restaurant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoPints Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 They have big jugs don't they? Must be able to get a couple of pints in those. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 Ew eyebrows is too thin + overpluck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 ... and for the sake of equality, to keep Lou happy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 Hmm we like eyebrows, halo, but there is limits. They shouldn't be thicker than ur eyes ffs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadoldgit Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 What happened to the jokes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goatboy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 What happened to the jokes? We put them on hold cos Lou wanted to know about the terms & conditions of employment in sex-working industries Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goatboy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 We put them on hold cos Lou wanted to know about the terms & conditions of employment in sex-working industries ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 I Don't Know What That Means Goatboy I Recognise Bruce Willis Even With Hair Tho Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goatboy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 Showing my age:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 March, 2015 Share Posted 31 March, 2015 Is that bird a Sexworker? What movie is that pls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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