Patrick Bateman

Probably a "get into Europe and you'll get triple wages / huge £xxm bonus" or something stupid.

You can imagine the scene now, indoctrinating the players and saying "we are heading for the Champions League next season" and them all lapping it up like bloody thicko robots. At the end, him saying "and hey, to show how confident I am, if we don't make it, you'll be able to leave to a club that is there" Utter helmet. In fact, is there a term for a collection of helmets?

So what if it is true, if he didn't want to be here beyond 2 years, he shouldn't have signed a 4 year contract. You can't have it both ways. He needs to put up and shut up and play well on the pitch, or risk rotting and never playing for France again and at the end of 4 years, signing for Yeovil on a free.

Please can we have a follow up stalking report once we know what train they're getting back? Thanks.

Don't be so sensible, it's entirely accurate that Rodgers is a joke who hates Saints.

Welcome, you'll fit in well here!!

That's quite amusing, good effort

He's on strike!

Perfect summary Steve! Let's judge Koeman in a year, two years even, if we don't score many and Long hasn't contributed, then fine. But the team obviously know who and what sort of player they want and you know what, tactically this could really work. If Jay gets back sooner than expected (before Christmas), then that forward 3 would terrify most defences as it has everything.

Top post. As for those wanting to sign Wickham, you have to wonder if they've ever seen him other than on Sky and other than for the 4 or 5 matches where he looked okay (out of 40-odd last season). Even the Sunderland fans don't think he's THAT good and are laughing at £10m for him.

Seriously? I have no words sometimes.

Seriously? I assume you're a parody.

Big man, little man ... have we gone back in time?

I think someone else said this, but it could be a stalking horse to get Burnley to part with Ings and accept our offer, or risk losing Ings for nothing at the end of the season?

He's not; But it's a "Man U XI"

Ooo, I didn't notice that, good spot Art!

He may as well have said "Geordies are thick". Bet that little speech went down really well up there!?

This is brilliant to watch!

Exactly this. He's just not a "Saints signing", can't see it at all, just like I can't see us signing Hernandez - extremes. We'll end up with another striker not many have heard of, or Ings, I'm sure of that. And for those poo-pooing Eto'o, isn't he being touted around Liverpool??

Someone bloody dreadful. Play the U21s, scrape through and treat it with contempt. Just looking at the matches, they all sound like dull opponents, so we can live in hope we'd get Pompey, home.

Of course, as I said, take the biggest f**k off wage going with the longest contract duration, rivals or no rivals, deal or no deal?

Quite! Although given the choice of no contract, shorter contract, or longer contract with your rivals and therefore better family security, what would you do? Moral dilema. Not sure I could ever bring myself to play for Pompey (I'm probably still not even good enough for them, haha), but if they were offering me a decent contract which would give me some security, I may have to swallow my pride ... ?

I think this is worthy of a whole topic on its own to be honest!

A very serious question irene. When you go to a party at Artur's, what do you take with you?

Shush, don't pee on my anti-Pochettino bonfire