Ivan Katalinic's 'tache

Absolutely this. The only thing I miss is the kudos of being called a Premier League team but, beyond that, the Championship is far more fun. My son and I are travelling to games looking forward to them again, rather than with a sense of imminent doom...

Get them out of the League on the basis of this huge infraction to allow us to form a new rivalry with Premier League giants Bournemouth.

Apparently we will also be retrospectively investigated soon. The PL are unwilling to believe we invested so much money in so many shit players without some kind of kick-back to agents during our time in the division. A Premier League spokesman said “It’s inconceivable that one club can have been duped so many times in so few seasons. No board can be that crap. We have no option but to conclude some serious wedge was paid by agents to board members for these duds to all land at the same club.”

The forum still lacks Bearsy's unique insight.

Bree > Manning

He plays on the left, he plays on the right, Kyle Walker-Peters makes Messi look shite…

Ross Stewart nearing injury return but faces Southampton battle after Sunderland switch - Chronicle Live Not that far according to this.

Red lights on the bridge could generate a whole different income stream for some? I can see the sign now: Southampton twinned with Amsterdam

Clearly someone gave Russell Martin videos of Chris Nicholl's Saints, to show him the Southampton Way, but without giving him Le Tiss, Shearer and the Wallaces to score our way out of our defensive woes.

Has Tall Paul actually (Trabzonspor shirt held aloft, "it's been my dream to play in the Turkish league for a side just below the better ones") gone?

Fulham bid for Stuart Armstrong off according to Sky Sports

This must've been the winger we wanted

Ooh...

Have we Google searched "injured players at Sunderland" and put bids in for any we've identified?

Adam Blackmore has caught up now too. I think we can be reasonably assured this is going to happen

This journalist at The Athletic seems pretty sure all is good for Stewart too. Someone pass the petrol back to the Sunderland fan so he can finish burning his shirt.

Confirmed striker news at last! Luke Pearce joins Torquay on loan.

I guess how you take this depends on your expectations on Saints usual transfer business??

What went wrong in those 9 minutes. My guess is Lyanco popped back to get something he'd forgotten and broke Stewart's other leg when he found an 'intruder' he didn't recognise.

Adams to stay?!

"Hey lads, he's injured?! Did no-one notice?"

I believe the lengthy discussions went: "Would you like to sign for Bayern, Armel?" "Yes please"

And is the COT usually informed in advance of the intended smokescreen?

Even after that missed header last season? Wow.

Knowing Saints, we're in Canada right now trying to sign him...