Crab Lungs

Not a bad start at all! The bird off "It's a Knockout"... Nell McAndrew, Lucy Alexander?

Does anyone have any celebrity sh4gging stories? I remember a thread a while ago which was pretty amusing but nonetheless, it has slipped off since then.

Does anyone have any celebrity ****ging stories? I remember a thread a while ago which was pretty amusing but nonetheless, it has slipped off since then.

After seeing her on HIGNFY, I have concluded that Victoria Coren is most definitely underrated and surprisingly alluring. A little bit chunky, quite funny and has a real moody, smouldering look about her. So, can anyone else out there suggest any more "worth a squirts"? The pre-requisite must be that they are no higher than 7/10 (in other words, no Salma Hayek, Megan Fox etc). They cannot be supermodels, glamour models or bimbos. Guilty pleasures, even. PS: I now feel revolted with myself for using the term "worth a squirt"... but it's too late now.

Oooooh, what is it! What is it! (please)

Because of how tit-for-tat (petty) FIFA are, they were probably reluctant as FIFA will then say something like "Oh, and we don't recognise your independence any more - get used to having a GB team". I have properly had enough of this scum... something should be done.

I wish his dad would STFU

LOL, the same guy who couldn't fit any of our players in his dream Owls 11?

He disappeared when Alistair Cook got really, really good at cricket

Oh mack, I wouldn't worry too much. I've absolutely no doubt your rotten, stinking cesspit of a football club has a few chortles left for all of us!

I hope he signs and proves the lot of you wrong.

With Dalek on this one...

I think it's fair to say I've probably played with quite a few players who had the necessary technical ability to have made a career from the game. However, it's the application/timing/attitude of player which eventually counted against them. I do think there are extreme cases though where people slip through the proverbial net because they possess other qualities (fitness, dedication, strength) that see them through, despite having a middling ability level. I'm pretty sure Pulis doesn't possess any of them though, either!

Was going to write about this a few weeks back. His blog hasn't been updated in a while, but I do believe he had a couple of unspectacular trials at Luton Town. They weren't too impressed!

Sometimes, needs must. If Wesley Snipe can go from bad to good in Blade, so can the legend Jack Warner!

That was one the best... Privileged to have witnessed it!

http://twitpic.com/54n1h0

Said it about 3 years ago. Said it every year since. Said it in anger over the past 2 weeks. Saying it again now. Gary F(((KING Roberts! Stop masturbating over Pilkington.

Where's this? Is it on Sky? Die FIFA, die!!!

http://goal.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/05/30/blatters-news-conference-live/ Here's the transcript

Yeah, it's strange isn't it? I now find myself in the curious position of cheering one of them on so that he brings the whole organisation down! I think he's the only one with enough fire and spite about him to do so as well.

Stupid old men, who probably have never kicked a football in their lives, profiteering off our game. It's disgusting. Yet it has been amusing watching them all lash out at each other, allegations flying in every direction as their faux-friendships dissipate and survival of the fittest comes into play. The one to watch for me is Jack Warner. He's possibly the nastiest and most dangerous snake in the grass and has the attitude that if he's going down, then everyone else is coming with him. If that is the case (as it appears to be from my perspective), I for one will be cheering him on. Come Mr Warner, rip 'em to shreds.

Alberto Seidi! (not the source, the player)

PART 2: TEAM INFRASTRUCTURE As alluded to above, this is something that is not going to happen overnight. It's also something that has to be applied to throughout all the age groups, from the youngest to the professional team. I'm positively excited that this is conceivably possible. We've seen it done at a number of teams abroad, notably Ajax and Barcelona and at home, to a lesser extent, Middlesbrough. Aside from Boro though, I cannot think of one club in the past 5 years that has produced as many top level professionals as ourselves. West Ham possibly (Ferdinand, Collison, Noble, Tomkins). Everton might be another (Rodwell, Coleman, Vaughan). Aston Villa, perhaps (Clark, Albrighton, Bannan, Agbonlahor)? How is it achieved? Well, the first principle is Premier League quality players. Without that quality, no-one will ever graduate. Once again, this is something that we only have to improve upon with regards to our ratio. We're producing players of sufficient quality but output probably needs to be doubled and the standard needs to more akin to Bale, as opposed to Lloyd James. To achieve that, on a regular basis, will be no mean feat. Do we have the current infrastructure to attract the best young players in our region or in the UK? Yes we do - and we're improving upon what we've already classed as Premier League facilities. As you are all aware, we're developing the training ground and building an environment where players earn their graduation from the youth facilities to the first team's more luxurious surroundings. This is a fantastic idea as we're appealing to the youngsters who truly possess the desire to "make it" and aspire to be everything they can be as footballers. This is, in some respects, modelled on the continent and of course, at Barcelona's own 'La Cantera'. How many should we expect to graduate from the youth team to the first team? Barcelona work on the principle that at least 50% of the first team should comprise of graduates from their academy. The rest of the team should be made from 35% of the best players in Spain or Europe and the remaining 15% from the top ten players in the world. It's fair to say that it's unlikely that we'll be able to attract or afford the final 50% of Barcelona's strategy but there is absolutely no reason that with the right recruitment and development, we can perhaps produce our own players of the highest quality from time-to-time. And with Premier League money on a regular basis, there is also no reason why we cannot compliment our production line with the finest players our status and budget allows. If Wigan can spend in excess of £8m on a player in the top division on their crowds, then we most certainly can - with or without a backer. Tactics, Team Building and 'The Southampton Way' - is this possible? Once again, yes. The only reason it hasn't already happened yet is because we haven't actually tried it over here - no-one has. Ajax and Barcelona's renowned footballing academies teach their young footballers to play in a certain style from a very, very early age. Physicality and brute force are not pre-requisites for a good footballer on the continent and thankfully, the technical side is now starting to bear fruit and be appreciated over here, with the emergence of Jack Wilshere this season. At these academies, technical ability is everything. The young players don't have to be the strongest nor the tallest, but they do have to be of exceptional ability or at least have the raw attributes. Below are two comments from Arsene Wenger that ring so very true: He also said that if a player doesn't have the technical aspect to their game by the time they early teens then they won't develop into a top player. Once again, most likely to be true. So what do they do different on the continent? Well, they focus on the technical aspects first and foremost. First touch, control and skills. They have an environment where they are encouraged to develop their skills without, as Arsene says, fear or failure. Winning and tactics, whilst important, isn't introduced until the latter parts of their development stages. For the time being, it's all about shaping the player into the best possible player they can be; maximising their potential before introducing the crux of playing the game. They also have a dearth of qualified coaches. Holland, who despite only having a population the fifth of ours, continue to develop players of the highest quality at a staggering frequency. We have around 3,000 qualified coaches in the UK in a population of 50m, they have 20,000 in just over 10m. Another aspect we wish to introduce is 'The Southampton Way'. A brand of football that is coveted and respected. An institution, a benchmark to those who aspire to be like us. But what does this mean? Once again, in Europe, all age groups will play in a familiar style. The formation and the tactics will be very similar to what they will experience in the first team should they ever get there, so they can fit seamlessly into a model they already know. With that familiarity, the graduate will have confidence in their position and will enable them the best possible opportunity of excelling, having had years of coaching and game time already in that role. And what of team building? That is probably something that will occur organically, as the players who do graduate will develop not just a special bond on the pitch, but also off it as well. The end result will be a player that cares just that little bit more. They'll probably have a stronger bond with their teams and coaching staff, as well as succinct connection with the club, the fans and the surrounding area. Phew.

PART 1: CLUB INFRASTRUCTURE Yes we can. That said, it's not going to happen overnight and there are many, many things that have to be assured before we can even think about a long-term future using our academy as our main source of players. The good news is that we are already producing players of an excellent calibre. In recent times we've seen Bridge, Bale, Matthew Mills, Joseph Mills, Baird, Cranie, Surman, Dyer, Walcott, Chamberlain, Blackstock, Jones, Best, Ranger and McGoldrick all graduate to play in the top two divisions of English football; I'm not sure many teams can lay claim to such an astounding crop of young players in such a short space of time. Before them was Monk, Williamson, Oakley, Sparv, Davies, Howard and McDonald. However, of the first batch - exactly how many of them can realistically play in the Premier League and not look out of place? It's hard to tell, but we've already seen Bridge, Bale, Baird, Cranie, Surman, Lallana, Walcott, Jones, Best and Ranger make the step up fairly comfortably for their respective clubs. And of those, how many of them are truly top class footballers? Or at the very least, footballers who would be able to play for a club in the top six of English football? From that group, I'd suggest Bridge, Bale, Lallana, Walcott, Jones and Chamberlain would be able to command a place or at least jostle for a position at one of the Premier League's better clubs. The jury is still out in some respects on Chamberlain as he's only had one season in League One and it remains to be seen whether he can fulfil his immense talent but realistically speaking and judging from the quality and maturity of his game the indicators are that he has all of the attributes. As for Wayne Bridge, he's probably a sentimental pick as he's a player definitely winding down, sadly. The jury is also out on whether Baird can (though he'll unlikely ever get the chance, though he was a regular for a Fulham side which finished 8th) and time is still on the side of Matt Mills, Surman, Dyer and Best, though you would likely predict the absolute pinnacle of their achievements might be a middling, average sized Premier League club. It's hard to say to say for definite how far they'll go but I would imagine that is probably the furthest they might achieve. Once again though, if we look at just those 6 players previously mentioned, it's still an incredible feat to have produced that amount of players of upper-Premier League quality. This will have to be usurped quite magnificently though if we are to achieve what Barcelona have and arguably, we might have a harder time than them in doing so. We've already established a great reputation in producing youngsters and it's fair to say, we are probably on the radar of many kids parents when it comes to choosing the right environment for their promising young son to develop his footballing career. However at the moment, as we're in a lower division, we are no more than a stepping stone before they eventually move on to better things. In some respects, our level of football might work for us. Being in the Championship undoubtedly means that there is more opportunity for our youngsters to progress to the first team. On the other hand, when they do get there and perform we're in a difficult position of trying to keep a hold of them - something we cannot presently do for too long in the 2nd tier of English football. So how are we going to be able to keep our most promising footballers of the future? Simple-ish. We have to be in the Premier League. The problem is, the Premier League is awash with clubs, fans and managers who want instant results. Who want instant solutions. Why? Because losing your Premier League status is financially disastrous. Clubs are terrified of taking a 'gamble' on a young player. Need a striker to score you 10-15 goals? Need them quick? Throw £5m at a proven South American forward. Need a left back? Visit the "sh1t-club swap shop" and purchase a ready made replacement for your outgoing personnel. Unless you're quite lucky or tremendously outstanding, not too many players come through the Premier League these days. If we're really going to emulate the success of Barcelona or Ajax, we are really going to have to subscribe to this ethos, these principles. And I mean, really, really, REALLY subscribe to it. We're going to need a club completely aligned to this objective and this belief and plan must course through everybody, not just the academy. From the youth teams to the executives in their suits and back to the first-team manager, we're going to need everyone to believe and buy into this plan. The good news is that we've already got a chairman who believes in this. A chairman who has identified this as almost the only realistic way of competing in the upper echelons of the Premier League. Can it be done? The indications are that it is very possible - we've already proven we can develop players good enough for a middle-to-lower Premier League side (see above) over a period of 5-10 years. We've also already proven that we can produce higher quality Premier League players over the same period. The next step? Producing players of that quality on a regular basis and giving them that opportunity in the top division - assuming we get there. And unlike Lowe, he has the backing to make turn this from a pipedream into a reality. The next piece of good news is that we already have a manager who believes in this policy, too. That is why, for better or worse, whatever happens next season I hope we back Nigel. He's clearly someone who is going to give our younger players an opportunity if they've deserved it and equally importantly, they're ready for it. He's been nurturing our brightest prospects very well since he's arrived and he's also acutely aware of the rigours of a long, gruelling season and the impact it can have - therefore he knows when to play them and when to hold them back, Lallana and Chamberlain for example. Beats having a miserable old b4stard sending out a group of unprepared youngsters on a cold, wet night in Mansfield then writing them off as "not good enough". No names mentioned. Once again though, this is multi-faceted effort. Despite the difficulties and limitations of the period between 05-09, our recruitment drive and quality of players enrolled in the academy appear to have gone undisturbed. As you are all aware, we've produced many players since without the Premier League sized funding we used to enjoy and I'm absolutely sure we'll continue to do so. We've already got a fantastic reputation for developing young players - we just need to add to it and when possible, prove it can be done in the Premier League too. But I do wonder what we could achieve with that extra slice of the Premier League pie? Can we widen the net further afield? Would we be able to offer more attractive proposals to the brightest young players and their families? Will we still be able to provide them an environment where eventually, if good enough, their son will get the opportunity to play in the first team, in the Premier League? Or will we also succumb to the Premier League status quo and flood our own squad with imported players and Premier League journeymen? Whatever happens and assuming we do get there, I hope it's the former.