CB Fry

Our Mars bar loving friend getting his summer 2016 meltdown in early I see.

They qualified for Europe through the fair play tables. 3 sent off already this season and manager sent to stands. Arf.

Some cod-psychoanalysis is definitely what's needed right now. He hates it here, is disruptive in the dressing room and wants out, apparently.

You utter helmet.

Personally I enjoyed it. Only Alpine could describe our most successful and satisfying season in thirty-odd years in terms better suited a war crime in Chechnya.

Wealth and rich meaning different things, eh? Fancy that.

The sense of being rich is hugely different to the concept of being wealthy, or having/acquiring wealth. Either way, Trousers said rich. I thought you knew about the language of English as taught by English teachers?

He didn't use the word wealth. He used the word rich.Can't you read the English language of English as taught by English teachers?

Funny how you always seem very keen to look at it from that direction.

Of course. If I was Toby Alderweireld there is nothing Saints could have done to force me for signing for them. Nothing. He'd know damn well other clubs would want him, and pay him more, so was just a case of sitting tight and landing that lovely fat contract and be off on his toes, with SFC as a home-banker back-up. He played it perfectly, exactly how I'd have done it. The idea that there was some "balls out" move that SFC could have done that would stop him reviewing his various options is no more than the gibberings of a fool. Ah.

But you don't want those opinions based on fiddly awkward things likes facts or statistics. Clear.

Bigoted claptrap.

You're not coming across as someone prepared to listen to anyone's opinion about anything.

Drivel.

Just pure, unadulterated bedwetting. Stoke far stronger based on what? They've lost a few and signed some assorted Carlos Kickaballs and have a manager pretty much proven to deliver mid table - 9th, 8th maybe. Far stronger? Nope. Newcastle finished the season fighting relegation up to the final day. Far stronger? Than 17th. Well yeah. Even our Schteve can do that. Oh, I'm scared. WBA. Pulis basically able to deliver 12th/13th every single season regardless. Far stronger? Nah, just another Pulis season. Palace? Yep, great Pardew doing well. Possible contender for 7th/8th? If all planets in alignment why not, if he does he's the next England manager. Far stronger? Let's be fair - they are as likely to be as inconsistent as any, and mid table awaits. Good luck to em. Seriously, who have any of those clubs signed that you want? The mentalist striker Newcastle have bought? I have no doubt that if Stoke had signed Cedric you'd be pi ss ing the bed about it.

Too much nonsense there to bother with I'm afraid. Someone else with energy could take it apart line by line but I can't be bothered. Disappointed you didn't manage to weave in Les Reed's record at Charlton, though. Do try harder.

That's a pretty special post, I've got to say.

He does look like the Great Soprendo, though. Piff-Paff-Poof.

If we'd have signed James Chester, diminutive centre back, slightly injury prone, last seen being relegated with Hull alongside "Gashton", Alpine would have gone apesh it about our seaside B&B levels of ambition and what a sh it signing he is. He'd have a hilarious nickname for him by now, too. Something like James Chesturd.

Dry your eyes, chubs. Someone give him a couple of Ferrero Rocher tide him over, for fu ck's sake.

We're all looking forward to laughing long and loud and heartily at all your hilarious pretend opinions endlessly repeated day after day for the whole new season. What fun. Don't forget on Thursday to do your comedy gold about how we need to get out of the Europa League as soon as possible so we can (get this) concentrate on not being relegated. Oh, my aching sides.

Alpine having his traditional tranfer window meltdown, banged into the forum in between fistfuls of Minstrels. Plus Dalek doling out what is without doubt his genuinely held opinions and by no means a repetitive and painfully obvious troll routine. Happy late July everyone!

The countdown to Alpine's snivelling "well, it's all easy with hindsight" climbdown has begun. I'm saying it will be on August 26th.

Someone hasn't had their king sized Snickers this morning.

Says the man who doesn't trust the judgement of anyone at the club about anything, at all. Oh well, there's always Maltesers, aren't there?