saint francis

Dr Dog, 2006, Portsmouth Guildhall. I don't think we need to say any more.

Four from the top and two from down below, just what I would have chosen.

I would press 'like' but do a +1 too just to hammer the point home.

Been there. Complained that I was penetrating too deeply. I didn't think there was an issue but she insisted the ball was in.

Middle aged housewives.

Breathe regularly.

My Bridgestone tyres say Roadstone on them. Surprising that didn't get picked up in quality control.

DSM proving you can rationalise virtually any miracle with talk of "frames" and "supports". Some people need to have a little faith.

We had one of those jars at my local filling station, but the system got abused and had to be stopped. One bloke, we'll call him Dave, used to consistently fill up to £20.02 and take a 2p out of the jar each time. He was a regular visitor and on more than one occasion the jar was left completely empty. Whenever I saw him in the village, he was always sat in his car and always had a big grin on his face. It was estimated Dave made £2.36 over the five years that jar was in situ.

Banished? Really?

Bad luck Scotland.

Come on Scotland!!!

Or had three legs.

I only said s h a g.

I'd need a pint of strong lager before I'd **** any of that bunch.

Marry. Natural beauty over fabulous fakery every time.

I'm looking forward to my time in the underworld, when I pass on, so that I can enter people's houses in the small hours and move a glass slowly across a table.

Odd that lemon juice should get rid of lime scale, obviously competitive.

Granulated?

Never heard of him.

Never heard of him.

Is it George Michael? Perhaps someone could photoshop a pair of shades and some hooped earings, so we can be sure.

When I hear stories like this I like to look at it from the perspective of the ghost. What do you think the motive might have been? If they really wanted to scare you, it's a pretty lame attempt, presuming you don't have a phobia of hair and beauty products. Boredom maybe? An eternity in limbo must be pretty tiresome, maybe knocking over a few bottles of shampoo now and then qualifies as entertainment in the afterword these days. Do ghosts need to wash their hair? Perhaps he was disappointed with your selection of products and had a ghosty tantrum, maybe there's a lesson there, don't be such a cheapskate. Either way I don't think there's too much cause for concern, I rate this haunting 2 out of 10.

It's true. I think the sort of celebration I am alluding to sounds very different to the one you describe. Just you remember though, deep down, you're one of us, and you know it. Despite your strange ways.