Dark Munster

Crouch, 22 goals in 42 England games. Doesn't even make the squad. Not very clever, Roy.

This has Chinny's/AA's fingerprints all over it. I guess they think that if Trevor won't be convinced with their bid, a Middle East ice cream consortium will do the trick instead. As they said of PT Barnum's victims, there's a sucker Born & co. every minute.

No, it must be the bestest fans™ in the world. Either that, or someone is eyeing the remaining parachute money.

I recall Hiley writing a scathing piece about Lowe. Before he resigned.

We paid the square root of f*ck all for Todd and Johansson (IIRC). So those two are spurious counter examples.

You're right, P.O.S. It is absolutely shocking that we're playing in red this season, with only tiny white stipes. And as for his hand bags with Matty, well that is unforgivable. He truly makes the child maimer, Mad Milan, the ice cream doctor, Al Mirage, the Russian Laurel and Hardy, and Chinny look like choir boys. Sod off Nicola, and take your billions with you.

Phew, that's a relief. There was a nasty rumour going around that Saggy was being lined up to replace Nige. But now that he's at his spiritual home, his legendary loyalty means that there's no chance he'll dump them to come and relegate us a second time. Oh.

I remember most descriptions of Beattie when he first played for us included the words banjos and cows' arses. Look how he turned out. Hopefully the same with J-Rod.

10100

The US debt.

Yes indeed. But the game never ends, as everyone only pays 0.4p in the pound for rent.

Is he the one who kicked the ball or the one who let in it at the other end?

Please, let sleeping corpses lie.

Or until injuries/suspensions kick in. Whichever come first.

In fairness I'm sure Cheats FC will offer them a rolling monthly contract. At 5 shillings a week. Take it or leave it. If this is all true, and the poor sods have found themselves trapped at Krap Nottarf until January, I wouldn't expect them to put too much effort in when they are forced to play each week. If I were them I'd be tempted to put the ball in my own net, or get sent off early.

Can we please see that on youtube, DP?

So the DFCSBs think they have a loophole, and the players, who thought they were only tied down for a month, find themselves stuck at the cesspit until January? I wouldn't be surprised if the loophole also included not having to pay the poor sods either. I'm doing a trousers, and buggering off for a week. Hopefully I won't have to come back to catch up on 500 new pages. In honour of trousers, I will sign off with: ...

Here it is.

That sounds like a cunning plan. But he should charge rent at a sufficiently low rate to keep the rotten corpse alive just long enough until the last PP is due, and then quadruple it at that moment.

That would be appropriate: one page for each year of his age.

Has he f**king signed yet?

Agreed. Half the teams in this country have to go semi-profesional or amateur (and in the case of Cheats FC, pub level).

Those are eight words that I'd never thought would be strung together in the same sentence.