Secret Site Agent

Wow, I never thought I would have this sort of impact. Is it because of this It is with regret that I can confirm that I have today handed in a transfer request to leave Saintsweb. "Unfortunately I feel I have no alternative after I was given notice of the Secret Site Agents intention to impose a Satire against Virgil Van Dijk and his agent of a waste of time equivalent to 2 weeks online. I will be appealing what I feel to be an unjustified sanction to Steve Grant and the MODS and their inability to follow the correct posting protocol in due course. "Over the past six months I have held numerous posts with posters of the board, to inform them all of my desire to leave the board in search of a new challenge. "I am incredibly ambitious and want to achieve as much as I possibly can to fulfil my potential in what is a very short career as a poster of messageboards. I want to post for a European football team again and enjoy the challenge for major honours and as such I would like Saintsweb to consider the interest in me from top clubs Boards should it still exist. "I have been left frustrated by the Moderators position that I am required to read this drivel and am disappointed that enquiries from multiple top clubs message boards have been consistently rebuffed. "The period of time that I have just spent thios summer without seeing Saints play has put a number of things into perspective and made me realise just how important it is to take major opportunities should they arise. "I have consistently relayed my feelings to Moderators at Saintsweb in what I believed to be private and personal posts. Disappointingly, these conversations have regularly found their way into the main board.. "Following this conversation Steve Grant explained that he only wanted posters who he felt were 100% committed to Saintsweb and told me I would therefore have to post away from the main board. Perhaps in nthe lounge or Muppet Show. "As a proud posterl I am insulted by the suggestion that it was me who refused to post positively and so feel it is important to point out the true version of events." :lol:

SATIRE: the use of humour, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues. synonyms: mockery, ridicule, derision, scorn, caricature a play, novel, film, or other work which uses satire. Satirist: a writer or user of satire. Satirist: Secret Site Agent Humourless: having no humour

Now there is a sense of Irony!

Well, I tried. Thanks a bunch. Just trying to lighten the mood. Let's go back to whinging and moaning. Thanks to Heisenberg though. at least he hasn't had a sense of humor bypass.

Below we have an extract of a conversation heard at Staplewood training ground today by a 'source'. Virgil Van Dijk: Hi Itsh Virgil here. Wassermans Agent for Netherland Key European Representatives: Virgil baby. How is you? Fine I hope.hehehhe..we have big plans for you, Loads of money. VVD: Yesh, itsh about this letter I have sent. W.A.N.K.E.R. :Yes, you did well there. Saints will have to sell you now to Liverpool. You really told them. VVD:Umm,when did I write it? W.A.N.K.E.R. : We wrote it yesterday. VVD:What, me and you? W.A.N.K.E.R. : No us.......I mean yes, me and you and some other blokes, you know the others that come ith me, the PR team, the lawyers, the media guys, Mr klopp, The Liverpool boys, The Liverpool echo. You know. Your team. VVD:Yes, I don’t think some of it is true though? W.A.N.K.E.R. : Of course it is, you told us, so we.......you wrote it.We helped of course, but it’s defiantly you. Yep, it’s all true. VVD:When did I tell you this? W.A.N.K.E.R. : Well,I dunno, yesterday, last week, never.......what does it matter, saints are going to sell you to Liverpool. VVD: Well, Les said, and the board seemed to follow him up that I won’t be sold to Liverpool. W.A.N.K.E.R. : Yes you will, Kloppy told me. VVD: But he said the Liverpool board won’t do it in case they get investigated for tapping up again. W.A.N.K.E.R. : Ahhh, thats ********. Let me ask you. Have Liverpool ever tapped up a player and been caught out? VVD: Well, there’s that thing about the Stoke apprentice and....... W.A.N.K.E.R. : Virgil, Virgil, Virgil. Let me put it another way. When did the Liverpool board ever do anything against the wishes of Klippity Klopp? VVD: Well, they are going to sell Coutinho........... W.A.N.K.E.R. : Ahhhh, Vigil. Don’t worry about that. There other teams interested. VVD:Like who? W.A.N.K.E.R : Top teams. VVD:What top Teams? W.A.N.K.E.R. : TOP!TEAMS!....Now I’ve got to go, i’ve got to try and convince Steven Gerrard, Robbie Keane and, Jamie Carragher to have a candlelit vigil for you. By the way Stevie G was wondering if you had Ryan Bertrand mobile number as.......er.......he wants to.....er....catch up on a conversation they had when they are on England duty. About......ummm.......Nivia cream.....yes that’ll do it..... VVD: Lishen, i’ll text it over. Mauricio Pellegrino: Heya, Vigila. You a reallya fuk it all uppa now. Anyway, the boysa all havina a cuppa tea. Woulda you likea a cupa tea? VVD: well, bosh. When I was injured I realised that a footballer only has a short career and a short number of cups of tea and I need to be somewhere where they serve tea in mugs with big red crests on them and ‘you’ll never walk alone’ written on the top. MP: Wella, I wonta have a player whosea head isn’t inna a cup of tea, so youlla have to go a and drink a youra tea with Class 9 ata St. Marys Primary schoola. VVD: OK. Have you had any phone calls from.......well.....other teams....you know....about.....maybe me? MP: Yes I hada call froma José Mourinho, Pep Guardiola, Antonio Conte, Zinedine Zidane and Luciano Spalletti . They alla aska mea the same question. VVD:Really. Whats did they say? MP: They alla saya to me, theya say, Thata Virgil Van Dijk ofa yours. Why is he such a ****.

I think we should maintain a dignified silence on the matter. We are better than this

Couldn't agree more.

My god, are you always so down? I wouldn't be surprised if your blood group was B Negative. This is a bit early to say, is it not? We finished 8th last year, not 17th. At least give us a chance to **** up this year before we all start sneering 'I told you so.' Who knows, perhaps MoPe is right and if he stops the team from playing like a bunch of individuals and plays like a team, and we achieve getting as few in we might surprise and flatter again.

I predict 6th.......Just with a few days to go and to quietly move up the table, plus a good cup run and another final..........with a Cinderella story finish.

Well done Weston, I'm really please for you. Are you back in Employment now? Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk

Yes, and also a busted flush. And up **** creek without a paddle. And a flash in the pan. And we have no coherence And we are leaderless We have no direction We are all at sea,all at sea We are a shepherd without a herd We are a carpenter without a hammer As we face the sun, we have no shadow Our Karma had come full circle We are reaping what we sowed We are set adrift on memory bliss We amble from one crisis to another And various other Vague idioms which mean nothing about anything to do with us.

RIP Bill. Condelences to his family

I thought there were a few, like AR-10 & Guam, they seem to always be on the nose. The rest are chancers I had one, he was pretty spot , but since he left his job, nothing. The club do run a very tight ship and it's a hang over from Cortese days. Not that it was a bad thing, I think it was to stop anyone undercutting us on deals, or pushing prices up etc. I'm just happy when it happens to be honest and all this speculation does my head in a little bit. The problem is, i understand the strength of using THE WORD as a tool and a weapon, so I always take everything with a pinch of salt until corroborated somewhere else. We will just have to wait boys and girl

Words cannot do justice to how I feel. RIP Bradley.

Rest in piece Ken Thanks for your service

Rest in peace Ken.

I would like to hold you to account and challenge your Dejan comment. And further more i say to you Purple monkey dishwasher, if i may paraphrase the great Krabbable.

Yeh, great Article Polish football expert Kamil Rogólski answers all of our questions on him, almost.

I'll get your coat:lol:

What's that I smell in the air? A small part of paradox, mixed with humor and satire and just a twist of banter and contempt? Why it's Irony I think, or perhaps sarcasm? I'm not sure, to be fair.

No, sorry mate, I have no idea.

Are you mad? We all know, and accept that VvD is going to be off. That is not the problem, and I don't think the club would be bothered to throw up some smoke screen to cover him going. The issue is that he could go to Man City, Arsenal, Man Utd or may even abroad for what is being touted at 60-70 million. Liverpool want him for £50 million, so have tapped him up to make it a done deal and save themselves from a bidding war and an extra 20 million. Fair play to the Club for reporting them, and I hope he DOESN'T got the Liverpool, and I hope they get some sanctions. Why can't you get what the issue is. We know he'll go, and have known for over a year. We just want top dollar, and Liverpool are trying to rip us off, AND ****ing over the other interested teams to boot.

Of Course we did. I also gave Burglar Bill written permission to enter my property and reported him to the police. For some strange reason.

Wow, i'm agreeing with both Glasgow AND Alpine today. Yes, where is your proof? You've been called on this on 2 threads so far today.

If we get to the cup final, we had a chance at a trophy.:Ahem, well duh.