farawaysaint Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 I get along really well with a rather lovely young girl who was raped many years ago and contracted HIV. She's been really open and honest about it and I know the risk of female-male infection if you use protection is near nil but I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter? Anyone with any experience in this sort of thing or medical practitioners on here to reassure me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 How long does she have? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Charming Man Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Damaged goods, leave well alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Damaged goods, leave well alone. Well, we're not all lucky enough to go around sleeping with virgins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieDog Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Her HIV is just one factor in the relationship. I would consider HIV the same way as any other life threatening condition, but obviously there is an added complication in the fact that it can be transmitted to you. If everything else is absolutely fantastic then I would definitely not be afraid to get involved in a full-blown relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonnyLove Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 At the end of the day if your able to see past this then it's down to you and how you feel, what condition she has is irrelevant. But you also need to look into the long term options, I.E, are you able to cope with what HIV / AIDS can do to a person and also you would probably not be able to have a family. Other than that if your happy then go for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingbattigger Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 If you are really interested in her as a person and the sex is not the main thing then as long as you take reasonable precautions there should be no problem. If, however the sex is first and foremost do her a favour and leave her alone. The fact she is HIV pos does not rule out a meaningful relationship. Follow the guidelines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 (edited) If you are positive & she is positive, then I don't see any reason other than a full-blown relationship. I hope you are happy together. Edited 27 February, 2012 by Dog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 I get along really well with a rather lovely young girl who was raped many years ago and contracted HIV. She's been really open and honest about it and I know the risk of female-male infection if you use protection is near nil but I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter? Anyone with any experience in this sort of thing or medical practitioners on here to reassure me? not sure i can advise without picturesssss! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
St_Tel49 Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Damaged goods, leave well alone. That is crass. I will say no more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thedelldays Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 No fecking chance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faz Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Why would you seek advice from a football message board? Weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 (edited) How old is she? What country? Is she rich? Is she fit? Does she take it up the ****? . Edited 27 February, 2012 by Dog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Charming Man Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Don't let the HIV thing put you off. Just keep your chin up and stay positive... or not in this case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minsk Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 I always thought "The Lounge" was for sensible and reasonable discussions. Many of the replies above are more suited to The Muppet Show. In reply to the OP: if the girl really means a lot to you there is no reason why you couldnt have a meaningful relationship. There are, of course, long term issues to take into consideration (such as how long you would have together, not being able to have kids, etc) although, to be honest, not many people think about such things when becoming involved with someone usually.... Well done for at least being open minded about it and good luck for the future!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Charming Man Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 I always thought "The Lounge" was for sensible and reasonable discussions. Many of the replies above are more suited to The Muppet Show. In reply to the OP: if the girl really means a lot to you there is no reason why you couldnt have a meaningful relationship. There are, of course, long term issues to take into consideration (such as how long you would have together, not being able to have kids, etc) although, to be honest, not many people think about such things when becoming involved with someone usually.... Well done for at least being open minded about it and good luck for the future!! Surely it's a wind-up? You'd have to be a bit odd to come and ask for advice on such a matter from a load of strangers on a football forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctoroncall Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Personal choice, something you would need to talk to her about. Is it the person you are interested in or just a relationship? Also what disease stage is she at - I presume she is still asymptomatic. What's her life expectancy, what is her day to day regime? How will/does that affect you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minsk Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Surely it's a wind-up? You'd have to be a bit odd to come and ask for advice on such a matter from a load of strangers on a football forum. Maybe it is a wind-up, but his previous posting history does not indicate that it might be. A bit odd to ask for opinions? Again, maybe - but why not ask the opinion of strangers, who are unable to say anything to the girl in question. (Apart from the obvious reason that he will get abuse and crass answers - because some people cannot distinguish one part of the forum from another.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank's cousin Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Think you answered your own question when you said a 'lovely young girl' - go for it I say. She has been open and honest with you (which is a good start!) - Yes ther are other factors to consider, but nothing insurmountable. Be honest yourself though, and make sure you talk about your concerns. One not of caution is that if she was raped she may (likely) have additional psychological challenges ahead, especially when it comes to sex, that you also need to be aware of and be able to be supportive of. It may work out, it may not, but the same can be said for all relationships, but HIV positive should really impact on that if everything else is cool. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sussexsaint Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Life expentancy with HIV is now the same as without, treatments have come a long long way since the 80's and 90's and whilst it cannot be 'cured' people live long term with the virus and tend to die of something else other than as a direct result of the disease. If this is a sensible question, the disease she has should make no difference your decision to have a relationship with her or not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farawaysaint Posted 27 February, 2012 Author Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Not on a wind-up at all, just something I'm totally inexperienced with and my friends were no help at all. Thought someone on here might have some advice, (by the way I don't really mind the wind-up answers sometimes they're quite funny to be fair ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Not on a wind-up at all, just something I'm totally inexperienced with and my friends were no help at all. Thought someone on here might have some advice, (by the way I don't really mind the wind-up answers sometimes they're quite funny to be fair ) Where do you live? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rshephard3 Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Not on a wind-up at all, just something I'm totally inexperienced with and my friends were no help at all. Thought someone on here might have some advice, (by the way I don't really mind the wind-up answers sometimes they're quite funny to be fair ) Fair play to you. Agree with most of the posters on here. Relationships hinge predominantly on compatibility of personalities. There are so many girls out there who will be wrong for you and you've found one that might be right. So try your hardest to make it work irrespective of her condition or past. You are clearly more open minded than some who have posted on this. You don't have to be the original poster to find some peoples responses pretty hideous. Also, as mentioned by someone else, why not get the views of a bunch of strangers on such an issue? Tough one to talk to family/the girl about maybe, and if your mates were no use then I think it's fair to post this if you can handle some people not sugar coating their answers as has been the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint-scooby Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Its a tricky subject, being in a relationship is fine as long as you both take precautions to avoid getting the virus yourself. Saying that some long term relationships dont have any physical sides to them anymore, I should know !! I am sure as others has said, being HIV is not a death sentence anymore, but just being married could be. If I was you I would go speak to your GP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timebomb Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 I would have thought the fact that she was raped at some point could put a strain on any relationship depending on how she had coped with it. It is always possible to overcome the HIV problem physically, but the mental scars from a rape can put a massive strain on a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turkish Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Can you get HIV from anal and blow jobs? If not then give it a go, you'll be a lucky man. Just dont try and slot one in her gash when you're p*ssed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thedelldays Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Can you get HIV from anal and blow jobs? If not then give it a go, you'll be a lucky man. Just dont try and slot one in her gash when you're p*ssed. I would say so.....ask the gays Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turkish Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 (edited) I would say so.....ask the gays Apparantly if you **** a virgin it gets rid of HIV anyway. Might have to pimp her out for a bit. Maybe Andy666 or Super Mikey have use for us afterall...... Edited 27 February, 2012 by Turkish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 (edited) Is she bed ridden? Edited 27 February, 2012 by Dog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint in Paradise Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 I assume that she makes you very happy and hopefully you do the same for her? If so go for it and as for longivity who knows how long before WW3 will start with all this Iran business? Good Luck for both your futures. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonnyboy Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Well, we're not all lucky enough to go around sleeping with virgins. The sad thing is that Dog is actually a shy, primary school teacher. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thedelldays Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 this is the most bizarre thread to be on here....really Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonnyboy Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 this is the most bizarre thread to be on here....really Your accent... are you foreign? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 I get along really well with a rather lovely young girl who was raped many years ago and contracted HIV. She's been really open and honest about it and I know the risk of female-male infection if you use protection is near nil but I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter? Anyone with any experience in this sort of thing or medical practitioners on here to reassure me? How old are you both? I've seen many of the replies and comments (helpful and TMS quality), but this is the real issue. The "Relationship" you are considering is a today one. But what about 5 years time? Ten years? HIV is contollable now and you will be in this for (hopefully) a long time. Today in your current life, you think about "yourselves" but soon you will start to think about your future, and then you will think about your legacy. I had (many) years in an unhappy marriage. Today though I have an amazing pride in my kids. The marriage made me miss a lot of the day to day stuff while they were at school, but now they are all out there "living their lives" and being successful. I have immense Pride in the fact that if NOTHING else in my life I will have made a difference by bringing three fantastic, well balanced people into this world, each of which is making their own independent mark on the world. I now know that I will leave a legacy, the kids brought enjoyment to my parents (and even today) to my new "better half" who loves them as if they were her own. When I was starting the relationship, I never for one moment understood what that would mean. IF you choose a path in the relationship you can never have that. Maybe you will never miss it, you will have such a wonderful time. BUT, you asked for advice, IMHO the meaning of life is having kids and creating something to be proud of. (And being mercenary, someone who will come round and check you are OK when it snows and you are 80 years old and on a State Pension of 75pence a week) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CB Saint Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Go for it. I know a guy who was in a similar situation, although he and she didn't find out about her HIV until they had been seeing each other for six months. He had a pretty horrendous three months helping his girlfriend come to terms with her situation whilst waiting on his test result ( negative as it turned out). They are still together and enjoying their life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Essruu Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 I would suggest that you don't drink from her cup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saintandy666 Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 You can catch HIV from most sexual contact, but the transmission rates are lower than people imagine - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HIV#Transmission For example in straight male-female unprotected sex, it's 0.05% chance of transmission. So with the right protection, there is little chance of transmission. Not that that is important if she means a lot to you, go for it. Relationships should mean a lot more than sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saintandy666 Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 Some pretty disgusting replies on this thread too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sotonswan Posted 27 February, 2012 Share Posted 27 February, 2012 It's a very manageable disease nowadays. The day to day drug regime is a piece of cake - 3 pills at the same time every day. This will get the viral load to a level which will give a HIV negative reading on the test, although it will still always be there at low levels, and can increase if the drug regime is abandoned or adhered to inconsistently. I've never really thought about the prgnancy angle myself but I think some of the advice here may be open to question. A quick Google came up with:- http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/HIV_and_women_having_children?open With medical intervention, the transmission rate from mother to child can be less than two per cent. I don 't know what you think of those odds. There are HIV specialists at the GUM clinic at the Royal South Hampshire Hospital who can give you (both) advice and information about specialist charities who can help in this area. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpbury Posted 28 February, 2012 Share Posted 28 February, 2012 FFS - have you asked her out? She may tell you to do one, rather than being pathetically grateful that a non HIV person is considering having sex with her! Might be a good idea to try to 'build' a 'relationship' and then see how you both 'feel'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turkish Posted 28 February, 2012 Share Posted 28 February, 2012 You can catch HIV from most sexual contact, but the transmission rates are lower than people imagine - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HIV#Transmission For example in straight male-female unprotected sex, it's 0.05% chance of transmission. So with the right protection, there is little chance of transmission. Not that that is important if she means a lot to you, go for it. Relationships should mean a lot more than sex. Thank god the voice of experience has turned up to give his advice and seal of approval. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minsk Posted 28 February, 2012 Share Posted 28 February, 2012 Thank god the voice of experience has turned up to give his advice and seal of approval. tbf, despite his tender years, Andy comes across as a more mature and balanced person than many on here; such as yourself, for example. Oh uber-internet-warrior!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick Bateman Posted 28 February, 2012 Share Posted 28 February, 2012 I wouldn't go anywhere near it! http://www.avert.org/hiv-aids-transmission.htm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted 28 February, 2012 Share Posted 28 February, 2012 I wouldn't go anywhere near it! http://www.avert.org/hiv-aids-transmission.htm "Your Honour." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turkish Posted 28 February, 2012 Share Posted 28 February, 2012 tbf, despite his tender years, Andy comes across as a more mature and balanced person than many on here; such as yourself, for example. Oh uber-internet-warrior!! i think naive is the word you are looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saintandy666 Posted 28 February, 2012 Share Posted 28 February, 2012 I was merely making the point that it doesn't have to be an issue unless you make it so. If you like the person, it shouldn't matter as long as you are careful not to have unprotected sex. HIV medicine is advancing fast too, so life expectancy is up massively in countries like the UK and a cure will be with us in a generation apparently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thedelldays Posted 28 February, 2012 Share Posted 28 February, 2012 I was merely making the point that it doesn't have to be an issue unless you make it so. If you like the person, it shouldn't matter as long as you are careful not to have unprotected sex. HIV medicine is advancing fast too, so life expectancy is up massively in countries like the UK and a cure will be with us in a generation apparently. would you, smash a chick with the virus...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turkish Posted 28 February, 2012 Share Posted 28 February, 2012 I was merely making the point that it doesn't have to be an issue unless you make it so. If you like the person, it shouldn't matter as long as you are careful not to have unprotected sex. HIV medicine is advancing fast too, so life expectancy is up massively in countries like the UK and a cure will be with us in a generation apparently. It will matter though wont it. It effects your ability to have a normal relationship and your ability to have children. I'd say its a very significant factor. But then what do i know, i'll bow to the 19 year old relationship expert. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turkish Posted 28 February, 2012 Share Posted 28 February, 2012 would you, smash a chick with the virus...? Tsk Jamie, it isn't just about sex you know. FFS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpine_saint Posted 28 February, 2012 Share Posted 28 February, 2012 I get along really well with a rather lovely young girl who was raped many years ago and contracted HIV. She's been really open and honest about it and I know the risk of female-male infection if you use protection is near nil but I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter? Anyone with any experience in this sort of thing or medical practitioners on here to reassure me? Well, I would. If you have a genuine link, get on well, like her as a person, and there are established methods of preventing infection, why not ? Especially if she has nice norks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now