Lighthouse

Just out of interest Glasgow, do you get turned on by pretending to be a woman on the internet?

Tell your missus it's a b0ll0cky Americanised holiday and don't do anything.

She built a 'No more nails' bomb and glued herself to the wall of a shopping centre.

I like your thinking but I fear most people would notice if you performed surgery on them. I was certainly aware that I'd had my tonsils removed so I think I'd probably notice someone sticking a satnav in my rib cage. I think it would be more feasible to kill the terrorist and get a pretty decent taxidermist to stuff and mount them. Hopefully the swap goes through quickly before ISIS notice she isn't very chatty.

I prefer to think of myself as some kind of Rambo-style one man army. The reality is that I'm normally cowering behind a barrel in a puddle of my own wee, shouting for my mummy.

Undecided. I'm all for saving an innocent life if possible and if it was just down to this one case then absolutely. My fear is that ISIS will become more active in their kidnappings if they know they can use the hostages as currency.

If you're looking for an indoor hobby, how about passing electric currents through small rodents?

It's not indoors but I'm a fairly active paintballer and it's nigh on impossible to feel bored when a dosen people are shooting at you.

Surely that should read 'subbed on'?

He has had an excellent scoring record since leaving Holland, although I fear his form will dip significantly under Koeman.

They aren't swans. Tadic speaks English well enough, we don't need another Serb to hold his hand.

I was in Lincolnshire a few years ago when we had an absolute monster by UK standards. 5.2 I think it was and I was 10 miles from the epicentre.

I know and it was done a thousands times before that. Normally by 15 year olds who want to be proper naughty by saying something rude on TV. The dildo was predictable enough as well. If you're going to all the effort of driving down to the stadium and standing there until midnight at least come up with something original. Form a barber shop quartet or something.

I don't know why SSN bother getting reporters to stand outside the stadium in front of a bunch of kn*b heads. It's not as if Bale and Messi are going to come walking through the main entrance at Selhurst Park. It's never long before some razor sharp pioneer of modern comedy shouts, "f**k her right in the pussy!" Or something equally as original and hilarious. I don't think we will do anything. Personally I would like another striker but I think the only business will be Osvaldo out on loan again.

Not last season, or at least not convincingly they weren't. Anyway, here is the new Lotus The nose is a bit 'Matt Le Tiss' but again it's a big improvement on last year's Janet Street Walrus. They have taken over McLaren's supply on Merc engines.

Anyone else remember GBTTFFS!

The Sunderland game was the first one following that incident.

Which is obviously a bull sh*t saying, Ronaldo was sent off in his last game. Tadic is a decent player suffering from some bad form.

Ah, it's like being back in League 1. 5 goals and our game is done and dusted in less than a minute.

I like your jokes Fry, please don't stop! On a separate issue, why is our game being shown after a 0-0 draw?

Paddy Power just tweeted that an Ayrton on 2-0 Boro and 4-2 Bradford would have paid out around £355,000. I doubt there were any takers on that.

Can we get JRod a ticket in row A of the Northam, just behind the goal. I reckon if he wears his kit and yells at JWP for a pass, he will bang in about 15 goals a season.

He created 5 goals in one game against Sunderland and our first winner at Old Trafford for 27 years and you post that after one sh*t cup game? The 4th top assister in the Premier League and you never want him to play for us again. Wow.

There was a dribble of applause in the Northam and a half hearted attempt at 'he sh*ts when he wants' but that was about it.

This. We just need to go easy on the ketamine at lunch time.